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This season is usually reserved for celebrations and gatherings, but today many of us experience something very different. And while you are sick and tired of hearing how different the holidays are this year, you probably still carry the emotional impact of what it means.
These next two weeks are likely to hit us with waves of grief, loneliness, disappointment, anxiety and all that same uncertainty that has weaved its way into 2020. So how do we honor those feelings while creating vacations that are meaningful to us? Here are eight suggestions to help us connect with the sense of peace, gratitude, and warmth we yearn for right now.
1. Allow yourself to feel sad
Every year the holidays can be bittersweet as we remember loved ones who are no longer with us. This year, our sadness extends to those with whom we cannot be in person. It’s important to take the breaks we naturally need to honor these feelings. Trying to constantly stay calm and keep going is exhausting and can disconnect us from our feelings in general. It can also cause us to have low mood and low energy.
Giving ourselves the time and space to fully experience our feelings can actually revitalize us. When we don’t express our sadness (or our anger for that matter) in a clear and direct way, we often turn it on ourselves, feeling more depressed, exhausted, and self-critical. Letting go of our sadness can be like letting a wave pass over us. Yes, it will go up and reach its maximum, but it will also pass. While the feeling may return, each time we release it it will leave us more in touch with ourselves and stronger in the times that we wish to continue and be there for others. Accepting our pain in this way can also make moments of joy more precious.
2. Have a real conversation about how you feel with your loved ones
The underlying emotion of this year is not something we can cover up with wrapping paper. While we can feel tired when it comes to video chatting, it’s important not to hold back when talking to close friends and family and not to leave things unsaid. If there has ever been a time to be open and expressive about the way we do, that time is now. Having a real conversation about what we are going through is essential. It allows the people we love to really know and understand us. It fosters a feeling of closeness despite any physical distance, and it opens the door for the other person to open up to us. If we are struggling, we must not try to hide it.
It’s far too easy when we’re isolated to let a “critical inner voice” take over that tells us that we aren’t important, that we shouldn’t bother or they don’t care. Having this voice in our head is like living with an enemy within, and we must treat him as one by resisting his directives. Take the time to talk to friends or call out of the blue when you need someone. Let them know what you are going through, the challenges you are facing and what they mean to you. Certain emotions will strike each of us at different times. Being there for each other at these times, while being open and vulnerable, is a real way to connect with ourselves and each other and will help us all during this time.
3. Create a new tradition
Many of us mourn the loss of traditions that we generally share, or we try to configure these traditions to keep our loved ones safe. It’s okay to feel sad about this absence and to use our creativity to find a new way to make sense of this moment. It’s not about putting pressure on yourself to come up with a perfect plan. Instead, we should end up exactly where we are.
For some of us, this can mean setting aside a specific time to relax in any way to feel safe or peaceful. Some examples I have heard recently include meditation, cooking for friends and family, reading by the fire, preparing a certain meal, watching an old movie, exchanging gifts via Zoom in, keeping a list of things to be thankful for, decorating the house, making photo albums and writing handwritten cards to loved ones.
4. Do something for yourself
Not to sound cheesy, but I mean it when I say if there’s one thing to celebrate this year, it’s you. We have all been through a very difficult time, and there is nothing selfish about giving yourself a gift in any form that is of value to you personally. Take the time to explore and invest in something that matters to you. For some people, these are acts of self-care. For others, it may mean looking for opportunities to develop or learn more about themselves through therapy or an online course.
Allow yourself to think about how much strength it takes to get you to where you are. Give yourself permission to be creative and let your mind wander as you think of activities that will give you a sense of peace or fulfillment. Finally, be sure to give yourself time to enjoy the rewards of whatever you choose for yourself.
5. Volunteer
Giving is always a gift for ourselves, especially in times when we are feeling down or isolated. Finding ways to virtually volunteer or reach out to others is an act of generosity, but also an act of self-care. Shifting our attention outward gives us the freedom to step outside of ourselves, which can be a real offering in these times when we spend a lot more time alone or at home.
6. Keep a gratitude journal
Keeping a daily list of what we’re thankful for is always a good idea. Gratitude has a wide range of mental health benefits, and the simple task shifts our attention to the positive aspects of our lives. Despite a lot of darkness this year, we can each come into contact with the points of light within and around us that move us forward and continue to give us meaning.
7. Take advantage of quiet moments
A small, simple change that has helped people during this time is to focus on the peace of mind that comes with quiet times. Holidays, in general, can be chaotic, and for some, overwhelming. There may be some benefits to using this time to reflect and feel present. Naturally, not all moments will feel calm and centered right now, but with more time at home we can try to take the time to stay still, paying attention to our sensory experience and connecting more deeply to our gratitude.
8. Keep hope alive
One thing we need to remember is that this time will pass. Life will always be full of ups and downs, but this year is unlike any other. While we may be feeling downcast, we keep moving forward and there is real reason to be optimistic about the future. We have all made progress through a really difficult time. The lessons we have learned and continue to learn will stay with us forever.
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