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Dear Annie: My son has been dating a girl for a little over three years. My husband and I really love him. Our son loves him. Here’s the problem: I’ve already asked her to help out in the kitchen with meal preparation and cleaning, and she refuses.
They come once a week for meals, and we eat in front of the TV while watching shows. Everyone brings their dishes to the kitchen, but I still have the cleaning. Once when I asked her for help, she said that she was company and didn’t expect me to help her at her house. They were here for Thanksgiving and my mom asked her to join us at the table and visit us, but she refused, saying she was OK where she was. My mother was hurt and upset.
I’m planning a big Christmas dinner and want the girls to help with the cleaning and sit down and visit me after the meal. How do I get him to get involved in the kitchen work, before and after, and put his phone away and sit down and visit us? – Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: Looking at your phone and texting around your potential in-laws’ house is very rude. The polite thing to do is ask the host if they need help, but it’s also polite for the host not to expect guests to do all the work. Chat with your son and ask him to help you in the kitchen. Maybe his girlfriend will understand and want to intervene. His behavior towards your mother was also very rude, so talk to your son about it too. There might be a reason he hasn’t married her yet.
Dear Annie: I love reading your column and writing in response to Caroline M. and her dilemma of how to celebrate Christmas this year.
My immediate family is made up of four households in different parts of eastern Pennsylvania, so we will not be meeting in person. We ship gifts or maybe leave them at each other’s door in advance, and we plan to meet virtually during the holidays. We wanted to do something fun with the family.
The age range of our group is 7 to 64 years old. With that in mind, we decided it might be fun for all of us to cook something together. We’ve done bingo together before. Fortunately, all of the households had actual positions so we could alternate callers during games. I know there is virtual bingo, but we had to keep it simple for the less tech-savvy.
We’ve coordinated movie nights where we have the same movie on our TVs and virtually meet on another device to watch it together. It was great for the grandparents / grandchildren. Cooking will be pretty much different, but we can’t wait to be. We happen to have fans of this activity in all four houses, but everyone can try to find their common ground and do it together. There are a lot of other things you might want to try together. – Try to make the most of it
Seeking to make the most of it: Thanks for your suggestions. I love the idea of everyone in the family watching a vacation movie together – from a distance.
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“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice from Dear Annie” is now available! Annie Lane’s first book – with her favorite columns on love, friendship, family, and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].
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