Blazin ‘Buffalo Wild Wings Challenge

The stomach of an average person can hold about a liter of food, or almost two pounds. But who wants to be average? All over town, restaurants feature candy contests, challenging brave eaters to ingest more food than they should eat in a week – Recommended Daily Values ​​are damned!

Armed with a big mouth and an empty stomach, our fearless writer Zach Fowle dared to become one of those food fighters – traveling the Phoenix subway to face new challenges and prove to the animal kingdom that man is at the top of the food chain.

Am I jaded?

This week, Feast of Fury requires a rare visit to a chain restaurant. Wild buffalo wings (705 S. Rural Road, 480-858-9464) – They celebrated the opening of a brand new location in Tempe on Monday. Every wing spot across the country has a contest amid the chicken-filled menu: the Blazin ‘challenge.

For $ 8.99, you get 12 coated chicken wings from Blazin ‘, the high end of the heat spectrum over the rainbow at 14 Buffalo Wild Wings sauces. “Keep away from eyes, pets, children,” says the sauce’s description. “It’s like walking on hot coals, EXCEPT YOU EAT THEM!”

The stuff is made with red cayenne pepper, dehydrated habanero peppers, jalapeno peppers, and garlic, among others. A representative said Scoville units for Blazin ‘range from 200,000 to 350,000, depending on the peppers and the season. Complete all 12 Spicy Wings in six minutes and you get a T-shirt and Wall of Fame stain.

Glory aside, I’m loath to take up the Blazin ‘Challenge. Remember, if you will, my previous experience with hot wings:

Oh my God, it’s like licking the lava! I CANNOT FEEL MY FACE! AAAAAAAHHHHHH !!!!!

So you understand my reluctance. But I have some support: Todd is again trying to rise to the challenge by my side. He’ll do anything for a free t-shirt.

We place our twin orders and about 20 minutes later a manager walks by, microphone in hand, and announces our attempt at the restaurant. He then sets the rules:

“If you touch your face, you lose. If you have a drink, you lose. If you vomit, you have to eat the pieces that you vomited.”

I’m told to take off my glasses because my eyes will water anyway, but I leave them on to act as safety glasses and allow me to dive into the fleshy wings with impunity.

The clock starts and Todd and I a scarf. I am pleasantly surprised: the meat is nice and juicy and the sauce is sticky and subtly sweet. The heat slowly builds up after the first wing and I’m confused, expecting an onslaught of fiery pain. But the spice wave never seems to peak. Relieved, I focused on finishing the remaining fenders as quickly as possible.

I look to my right. About 20 of the waiters are watching me in silence, as expected. Holy shit. One of them berates me: “I’ve seen girls eat faster than that!”

Todd, who looked like he couldn’t lose all the meat for a while, stages a major comeback, bouncing late and finishing strong. We both end the challenge at 4:16 p.m., almost two minutes before the deadline.

Maybe those months of eating too much spicy food ruined my spiciness forever, because the Blazin ‘Challenge was, frankly, pretty weak. Frankly, BWW, I’m not impressed. The last hot wing challenge I encountered left me writhing in pain on my couch, staring silently at the wall and hugging me like an upset kindergarten.

That’s not to say it wasn’t slightly painful. After I finished eating, painful heat waves flared up on my tongue and the outside of my mouth, and it took a few glasses of water to cool me down. My eyes watered a little, my nose got a little runny, my hands shook a little. But it was a sad shadow of what I have endured before.

If you’re looking for a nicer, sweeter hot wing challenge, check out this one.