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By: Kimberley Bond
Television seems to suggest, or rather insist, that in order to be a person of interest, you have to be in a relationship.
From The Bachelor to Blind Date, the sad state of celibacy is something to be eliminated immediately, no matter what the cost of the humiliation – with people willing to see their hearts broken in front of the nation lucky enough to find The One.
But it seems that eventually, after about a million variations of the single-meet-single format, we’ve hit rock bottom. When Meat Loaf sang “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” it turns out he was singing on Sexy Beasts.
Every 20 minute episode of Netflix’s latest dating show sees a single lead tied up like a turkey (literally) as they take out three potential suitors (all alike in fur and feathers) before picking one to continue dating , and revealing “who’s behind the mask.” It’s like The Masked Singer, but a lot less fun.
Sexy Beasts finds that he’s trying to get couples to say “goodbye to shallow encounters,” seeing them dressed in the most ridiculous costumes that seemingly have no other purpose than to bring in brief moments of comedy. The prostheses – which the team didn’t bother to extend beyond the faces of the contestants, seeing a dolphin with a pink polo collar going on a date with a grasshopper in a shirt – are pretty much designed to go viral on social media. A beaver, looking directly at the camera, saying, “Ass first, personality then”? An instant meme from the trailer, and probably the only fun thing to come from this show.
Sexy Beasts is meant to be funny, but that same tired joke is repeated over and over, and then only gets crickets in response. Each episode timidly explores its dating themes without the physical appearance getting in the way, but fails to really delve into that properly – and it never really tries, offering only sarcastic comments from Rob Delaney as a substitute.
Unlike higher quality shows like Love Island or The Bachelor or even Too Hot to Handle, there isn’t enough runtime or continuity to properly delve into looks and love – and its self. Saying ‘revolutionary’ approach to dating and relationships isn’t even particularly new, SINCE Sexy Beasts itself has been revamped from a not particularly memorable 2014 BBC Three format.
Netflix
Frankly, there is a plethora of shows that explore the idea of aesthetics and dating much better – Netflix’s hit Love Is Blind has taken that notion to the extreme, with isolated contestants in separate rooms. and making decisions about whether to marry someone based on voice. and conversation alone – and the end result was an addicting worldwide hit as we watched the stories of these couples as they took the plunge and got married.
Not only does Sexy Beasts not have time to properly explore this similar theme, but it also doesn’t have the stakes – the suitor who is chosen by the singleton wins the luxury prize of… another date, maybe. to be. Who even cares?
And that leads to the other problem in Sexy Beasts. There is nothing to really gain or lose because, despite all the chants in the show about not being superficial, all of its competitors are traditionally attractive. There’s no point in disguising a suitor as a mouse or a mandrill if, underneath, they all seem to easily stumble upon #spon posts on Instagram and a Pretty Little Thing deal. Without the prosthetics, any of the contestants could easily have been on any other dating show, which defeats the point that Sexy Beasts believed they were trying to prove.
That doesn’t even mention the lack of diversity among those who take part in the program – each episode is made up of straight and cis-looking individuals looking for love when there is absolutely no reason why the Sexy Beast format could not apply to the whole spectrum of sexualities and daters.
With its main themes ragged, its not-so-funny costumes, and its airtime too short to trigger a real discussion, anyone looking to date Sexy Beasts should cancel all scheduled shots and literally watch something, whatever, other. Believe us, Sexy Beasts is definitely not The One, and even if you plan on flirting with her lightly, a one-night stand will leave you unsatisfied and disappointed.
Sexy Beasts is now streaming on Netflix – visit our Entertainment Center for more news and features or find something to watch with our TV guide.
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