Marlie Packer: "I thought I was not in the English team"

World Cup winner Marlie Packer has recognized the support of her family, teammates and England Rugby after being convicted of drunk driving last year.

In a moving interview with BBC Sport, the Saracen women flanker described the shame of having been convicted of the offense for the second time.

"I had a broken heart, I wanted to dig a hole, jump in and cover myself," she said.

Packer said her darkest moments had pbaded before her court appearance, when she told England's head coach, Simon Middleton, that she "thought that I was out of the team ".

She says that she now wants to educate others.

The 29-year-old struck another vehicle as he was returning home after attending a Saracens preparatory match on 1 September. She failed a respiratory test at the side of the road.

After recognizing the offense in the Wimbledon Court of First Instance in November, she was fined £ 461, fined £ 131 and banned from driving for 17 months.

"I drank two glbades," she says. "I did not think about it too much because there was a lag in time, but I did not eat between the two times.

"For me, I had no qualms about going over the limit or anything like that.

"There was an intersection, a car approached, it looked like it was moving away, so I made a gap and another car turned around and I took the back.

"I got out right away because the airbags went off – it was a shock in itself."

It was when the police arrived that the situation began to emerge at Packer.

She said: "I spoke to the police officer and they asked me if I had a drink that day and said:" Yes ".

"Then I was choked and it turned upside down and they asked me to go down to the police station.

"Every thought was crossing my head: I was in my work van, I wanted to make sure the others were in agreement, was not it? I was just coming back from 39, a shoulder operation, I was worried about hurting myself, hurting others people, and then I thought – "this can not happen, not yet." "

An earlier conviction for drunken driving and the inability to stop after an accident in 2007 was very much in his mind.

Packer said, "I would like to say that I am a very different person from what I was [12] years ago and my life is very different.

"The choices I've made, the friends I'm surrounded with, my family at that time, have changed a lot … Rugby has always been my slide glue … the only thing I've ever done. I loved doing it. "

Packer's other pbadion was his plumber job and his name was on the side of the van involved in the 2018 crash.

She was first suspended but went back to work waiting to find out if she would be charged.

The court documents did not appear for two months and upon their arrival, Packer decided to resign. She also asked who to talk to about the incident.

"I got a little lost." Do I tell England Rugby? Do I tell Saracens? "Every thought went through my head," she said.

"I spoke to the Rugby Players Association, they dealt with a lot of other players and told me that it was not a rare thing, but that you learned from it. "

She decided to tell it to the Saracens, then to England. After attending a day of training in England – where the theme was one of values ​​- Packer entrusted Richard Blaze's coach.

"Her advice was that the more you tell, the easier it will be for you," she said.

She then turned to Nicky Ponsford, head of women's performance at England Rugby, who advised him to tell Middleton.

"At that time, I thought I was out of the England team," she said. "It was that."

She's cheated.

"They were both aware that I had already suffered from depression and I think they worried about that part for me," she said.

"Rugby is everything for me, I love rugby and that 's when I realized that I had not lost my space in the team. ;England."

Support was also expected from her teammates.

"The word 'silly' came a lot but more [because] I did not tell them and that does not change who I am for them, "she said.

"I have followed an educational program and the most important thing is that I do not always drink the amount you drink, whether it's the alcohol content of the drink itself and that in reality you have to time to get out of your body. "

"I hope girls and all other people will learn from my mistake."