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Jennifer Lee, from Los Angeles, Publishes Experimental Electronic Music Tokimonsta since 2009, starting with his first EP, Cosmic poisoning. Implementing her childhood piano lessons and her desire to experiment with rhythms and sounds, Lee began learning herself the techniques of production and mixing at the age of 20 , first as a hobby. But soon she started to make waves in the electronic community, especially at the underground underground parties organized by L.A., where she linked with artists such as Flying Lotus, who signed it on his Brainfeeder label.

By the end of 2015, however, Lee's world was at a dead end: he was diagnosed with a rare condition called Moyamoya, in which one of the main arteries of the skull narrowed and reduced blood intake to brain. She underwent two brain operations in early 2016 and, while she was recovering, lost her ability to speak and hear, including music. Fortunately, while she was healing, Lee gradually regained the ability to hear and make music.

The result is his third studio album, the dreamer and happy Thief of the moon, which earned Lee his first GRAMMY nomination for best dance / electronic music album. We recently sat down with her to learn more about how the work on the album helped her heal and remind her of her voice and purpose as an artist, who is to "create a music that makes me happy". We also discussed his enthusiasm for being recognized alongside his peers (Skrillex called to congratulate her), what she admires about GRAMMY, the changing landscape of musical performance, and her advice to younger artists.

How did you hear about your first appointment to GRAMMY? What was your initial reaction?

I discovered my appointment at GRAMMY Friday at 8 o'clock. The night before, I played in a L.A. show and as I had not seen my friends for a while, we got a little drunk. Friday, I had a concert in Hawaii and I did not pack my bags because I thought I would get up early to pack. So Friday morning, I wake up panicked because I did not pack my bags. I have checked my phone and I have all these SMS like: "Hey, congratulations!"

I'm just panicked, the hangover – which is not commonplace, by the way – and both excited and pissed off. I found out that I was nominated, and then I sat down among all my clothes for a minute and did not know how to feel. I was really excited, but it was rather the morning.

The day was arranged and I was able to see all the other candidates, especially in this category, which made me even more excited. Because they are all artists that I like very much, all albums that I had listened to last year. I think it was the most rewarding and the most amazing thing to know that I was nominated with all these other incredible artists.

What made you want to keep making music, and were there moments that validated that?

What made me look for music was my love for music. I think above all that before being creative, I am a music lover. The music I'm doing, I'm just a product of all my growing influences and all the things I've listened to. When I was younger and I discovered all this music, it was at the first tip where I was, "Hey, can you just download a program and make music by yourself?" So I downloaded programs, watched many tutorials on YouTube and learned to make music myself. It was just because I liked music so much and wanted to contribute. I had all those thoughts in my head and all those ideas that I wanted to put aside.

Because I had a piano background, I knew how to create that way. So I started producing at that time, then I met like-minded producers in Los Angeles and we had this place called Low End Theory. And my peers have also become remarkable and respected artists like Flying Lotus, Nosaj Thing, Daedelus, etc.

It was a good time for me to decide to pursue it fully and I think it was validated by the fact that I was just having a wonderful time in LA music, where I and my friends were some of the coolest sh * t everywhere. There was no way to say no. "Hey, can you make music forever, potentially?" "Okay, I'll take that."

I think now it's just recognized by people around the world. It's hard to say, but I definitely feel validated now that I've made the decision to make music because I could have decided not to do it. I could have been too scared.

Regarding the challenges, you said that your diagnosis and recovery in Moyamoya were incredibly difficult. How did you stay positive and what were the greatest lessons from this experience?

I think that when someone goes through a very trying time, it is not very easy to be positive. But it is not very productive to be negative. Your life is so fragile. When I discovered my diagnosis, I decided to move on to solving problems in "correct this" mode. The disease was diagnosed in December 2015 and at the rate of its evolution – well, that's the problem. Nobody knows how fast he is progressing.

To give more details, the vascularity of your brain starts to go out. Your brain needs blood, oxygen and all those things – so I decided to really jump on it. I went out of my way to contact good doctors. I decided that I did not want to wait to solve this problem. I decided to go for these surgeries on my brain and they left me unable to speak and unable to speak; unable to understand anyone, unable to understand music, unable to make music. With all these things happening, it is not very easy to be positive. But my mind was focused on "I can go beyond that."

I do not remember being explicitly positive at that time. I knew I was really strong and I knew that every day there was progress in my language skills and in my ability to understand music. These advances have been at the origin of positivity. I said, "Well, I see I'm going a little better, let's continue this way, I know that time helps me, I know that nothing is degrading, I know I'm healing." And the doctors said good things.

So I advanced. I think that in times of darkness for all of us it is hard to be positive, but we can try to go ahead and just hope and wish and visualize that in this darkness, there is something. There is this light at the end of the tunnel. Which is really cliché, but it's very true. And if you can focus on that and on your healing, and what can follow, that's fine. It will help you to cross that.

Because all you have to do is get through. And then once you're here, everything is fine. I must be here. I can be alive. I realize that I have many years ahead of me. And it also gave me the opportunity to understand what I am as a person and what I want to do, as well as my voice as a musician, that is to say make music that makes me happy. Because yes, if I die tomorrow, I do not want to know that I lived on this earth making music that I did not like at all.

You worked on Red Moon after recovering from brain surgery, which parts of the process of working on music were most beneficial?

You know, it's really hard to understand what you feel when you do not hear music because it's in everything. You do not have a soundtrack in your life. Even now, I do not remember what it looks like. It's part of my memory and I remember living that, but I do not feel it anymore because my life is filled with music and sound again. And so, when I went through this process and lost that ability [to hear music]when he finally started coming back, it was very progressive. I started to understand the music again, but it took longer to get started creating the music.

I heard music, but when I tried to create, it was bad. But once I got to a point where I think enough time has pbaded and my brain is cured enough for me to be able to make music again, that was the most impressive feeling of all time. The gratitude and the feeling that I had in my heart were so full, as if I knew that I am well and that I am the same person. You never know when you are going through something like that, as if I should be grateful to be alive, but I may not be the same person I was before.

That being said, I am not superhuman. I think everyone thinks that I have gone through this crazy operation and that I can now change my time. I am still only a normal person. I also had nothing to relearn. It was more like memories and thoughts, they just started coming back to the surface. So yes, this whole album was a cure and a therapeutic effect for me. It's a celebration of life. And these are all the songs I wanted to do.

And all the blood, the sweat, and the tears that came in were cheerful. I was not stressed, I think this album was a therapy for me. This album, in this sense, means more to me than any other work. It's not as if the songs were necessarily better than the others, because I like all the music I've written. But it's a real milestone for me and it means that for my family, it's also true for everyone around me.

Last thing, I am a totally independent artist. there are no big labels or big companies behind me. no machine is piloting my project. if I can get here, you must know that you can too.

– T᷈O᷈K᷈iM᷈O᷈N᷈S᷈T᷈A᷈ (@TOKiMONSTA) December 7, 2018

Do you think that your first GRAMMY nomination for this album will validate your artistic background in greater depth?

When I learned that I had won, I received a FaceTime from Skrillex. He was in Thailand, somewhere far away, drinking in a coconut or something. He was in a pool. And it was just like, "Congratulations! It's amazing!"

When I heard that I had been named, there was a piece of me – I think it's a self-deprecation of self – that looked like, "I do not know, I'm really happy, but I'm afraid, the merit? " And he just told me, "You know what, think of it as the icing on the cake." He made me a speech of enchantment of the style "You do it for a long time! You deserve it!"

I do not think that this nomination to GRAMMY validates me as a musician, because I know that I am a musician. That's who I am. But it is good to see that others recognize me. It's more like a recognition of the genre "We see you, this album is fantastic." I know that someone listened to the album. It's something I'm really happy to have, but it does not change who I am.

It will change the opportunities in the future, which is really cool. It 's also really cool to see that the Recording Academy is listening and they have heard this album from this random person. Because I always consider myself a random person. It's more and less than validation; it's his own peculiarity, to be named. I feel special.

We are living in a time when conversations and gender equality and equality are finally occupying a more important place in all aspects of our lives, both personally and professionally. Have you encountered any difficulties in making your music heard in a scene that has long had a gender imbalance?

My musical experience is very different in many ways. I'll start by saying this: my approach to music creation and my own approach as a musician was that my identity was not as important as the music I was playing. So I did not try to flash my face, I did not try to show who I am so much. I mean, if you know, you know. I am a girl.

But I did not go out, "Hey, pay more attention to me because I'm a musician." It's like, no. I do not deserve more attention because I am a woman; I deserve just the same attention, you know? I want people to know that I make music of a caliber comparable to my male peers. And that being said, I've always followed this path with this step forward. Music first. And that helped me in many ways.

I think I have to admit that there are ways to create disadvantages that I did not know. I know that there are rumors, people who say that I did not make my own music, that I learned everything from a boyfriend, that a boyfriend has created all my music or that I have a ghost producer.

And because of that, I had the feeling that I had to validate myself more, to show even more to people. I had to make the best music. I had to show people that I was producing. I am very open to people who watch my sessions and who teach things that I know, and who share my knowledge so that people know that I know what I am doing and I am willing to share that with you.

It's a bit difficult. I mean, we live in a society right now, where you can finally be heard by people. And people will look at you as a musician and will not approach you with suspicion or anything. They can look at you and say, "Oh, you're a woman, you make music, cool." In the past, it was not like that, and I think it was most of the time that I felt the injustice.

I've seen so much landscape changing. I now feel in a good position and I managed to get through it all. And now, for all these young women coming in, people who are not men in this world, they have an equal opportunity to pursue music production of this genre or other genres.

Do you have any tips for the younger ones trying to get into the music?

My main advice is to be yourself and create music that is true to your heart. At the end of the day, I know it's much easier to say, "Well, this song and this style of music are popular, I should do what this person is doing." No one will be able to listen to your music and say, "Oh, it's you who did that." No, it's: "Oh, it sounds like a song that someone else could have done."

People have to disrupt that atmosphere, the landscape, and the change. You could be the next person that everyone wants to emulate. But no one needs a double, triple, quadruple version of an already existing artist. And now that tools are so easy to compose, and it's so easy to create the same kind of music as others, it's up to you, as an artist, to trust your voice and that you want to make the change in this musical landscape.

What do you expect most from the New Year? Are there major projects you are starting to work on or are you looking forward to?

The main thing that I look forward to this year is to create more music, which I look forward to every year and every day. Regarding new projects, the next album. I do not think I ever want to stop creating. I do not want to take breaks. At any time, I want to know that I have something ready to be heard. It does not have to be heard by many people, but it must be heard by me. I just know that I want to make music and I think sharing it is a big part of who I am. I'm trying not to over-share, so, the big project is probably the next album. I do not know when it will come out, but I'm definitely working on it.

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