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Networking, used as a verb, sounds a bit like a contact sport – a bit like an unsustainable speed dating with business cards. No matter how charming you are with your family and friends, people you already know can not always (or usually) help you find a new job or opportunity. We must therefore contact people outside our familiar circles.
Even the most extroverted extrovertis tell me that they hate this way to make business contacts. But our way of thinking about networking can be particularly daunting for introverts and the more lonely. For them, filling out their agenda with mandatory meetings, meals or coffee dates seems particularly discouraging.
But there is good news. There is a less challenging form of networking that you can create at your own pace and in your own way – a style I call "soft touch". This can completely change the way you think – and maintain – valuable connections.
Connection with weak links
You already know more people than you think because you have a lot of "weak links". These relationships are people you know little about and do not often think about. You met them by the way, or perhaps worked together briefly. Or you took a clbad or attended a lecture together. These are friends of friends, former colleagues and clbadmates. You are not usually in touch with them, but their impact on your network could be huge.
Our chances of finding new ideas, tracks or introductions increase considerably if we go beyond our usual circle
In the 1970s, a well-known sociological study suggested that people with whom you had less direct or stronger connections were more likely to move in different social circles. It makes sense that if we are looking for new ideas, tracks or introductions, our chances of finding them increase dramatically if we go beyond our usual circle.
Here is an example. Years ago, I was part of a tight-knit team in a small creative agency. Last year, I met a designer from that era. Although we were not close, the old collegiality appeared as soon as she confided that she was looking for a new role. She told me that she hated networks and did not know where to turn. I reminded her that she did not have to start from scratch and mentioned some names from our old cohort. Her face lit up: those were people she had loved. She will have no problem sending a note to get back in touch.
When I saw her a few months later, she had new projects underway with some former (and current) colleagues. She had found her way through her weak links.
Keep in touch
I hope that she will now cultivate the habit of keeping what I call "relaxed contact" with her former colleagues. Then, the next time she has a question, she will have no problem contacting people who are willing to help.
In his recent book The friend of a friend, David Burkus, a business professor, insists that people you already know are best able to help you. It may sound a lot less scary for shy people – but it can sabotage their networking efforts. I think there is a way around that.
Burkus said: "When we have a career setback … we tend to talk only to a circle of close friends who may or may not be able to help us … Instead of that, we should go to our weak and sleepy connections, tell them story, and see what their opportunities are, and even better, we should start a regular practice of reconnecting with our weak and dormant ties. "
In other words, you do not have to be a social butterfly, contacting contacts for long meetings in person. These are less painful ways to maintain relationships.
That's exactly what keeping in touch is. That's how I keep in touch with dozens of people I have met over the years. If we are already linked by a service such as Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram or even Slack, I could then use the private message function of this platform to transmit a report that might interest you, or share a video. cartoon or a brief greeting ("How are things?")
It's not a one-way affair: I'm also happy with these quick results. Such expressions provide a moment of connection and usually do not require much response or follow-up. But if you made need advice or advice, these are people who will respond, because you have established a certain camaraderie by staying in touch. (And is not it less intimidating socially than asking an acquaintance you hardly know for a face-to-face conversation at Starbucks?)
Do not forget that your virtual network of help and support is an organic process. You do not create an overnight network
Connecting around shared interests is fertile ground for distended contacts. As an example of how this works in practice, an ex-colleague, Erika, is a very active consultant in the field of customer experience. she and I also share the love of dogs. We are connected on Slack and on Twitter, and every few weeks, one of us sends to each other a hilarious dog GIF or the latest story about annoying customer service for businesses. Sometimes intermingled in our messages can be news about a workshop or consultant.
Whether you are extroverted or introverted, when you approach weak links, and keep in touch with them, remember that your virtual network of help and support is an organic process. You do not create a network overnight. Just as you maintain a garden, you develop contacts over time.
Sending a few greetings or shared stories to a few connections is very rewarding, but presents little risk even for the most shy people in the room.
Karen Wickre is the former editorial director of Twitter and sits on the boards of the International Center for Journalists, the News Literacy Project and the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. She is the author of Take work off the grid and lives in San Francisco.
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