Strong women: "My life expectancy is tragically short, but I am not bound by it"

Tell us about your diagnosis

It was in August 2016 when I developed a sudden pain in the right bad. I went directly to my GP, who referred me urgently.

It seemed overly cautious: I was in shape, I had no other symptoms and no family history of bad cancer. However, after a biopsy and an ultrasound, I was diagnosed with bad cancer. I had already developed three areas of bad cancer on the right side, as well as a little cancer in the lymph nodes under my arms.

My medical team agreed that I could manage an aggressive treatment plan, the goal being that at the end of the treatment, I would not have cancer anymore and I would never have to think about it again. .

I had a mastectomy and an operation to eliminate lymph nodes, as well as 18 chemotherapy sessions and 15 radiotherapy fractions to the chest wall.

I was given all the treatment that I could have received at that time and I came out with the badurance that I could not have any detectable cancer.

Finishing the treatment was difficult – many people badume that you are now "good", without cancer and that you are like before, but I found that was far from the case.

For me, the possibility of cancer reappearing was always at the center of my concerns.

The emotional challenge really began once the major treatment stopped.

A 10-year treatment plan was imposed, which consisted of taking daily pills and receiving injections and regular checkups. This was to prevent the return of cancer, but I also felt that I had to do everything in my power to minimize the risk of re-offending.

I got involved in the amazing charity Breast Cancer Care Association. I started exploring how I could best help myself in my new post-cancer world.

I realized that I needed to give myself time and space to get used to my new body – which had been left pretty marked and defeated as a result of a treatment – and accept my revised state of mind that we must cherish every moment we are on earth. .

Having practiced fitness before cancer, I returned to cross-country running, and in December 2017, I went for a beautiful 11-mile run along the Thames on a harsh winter day. Midway through, I developed a terrible back pain. I thought I pulled a muscle.

My physio oncological treated me regularly at that time and so I went straight to get her for help. She diagnosed a dislocated coast and a bit of bad luck.

However, when the pain did not subside, she contacted my oncologist and organized an MRI just to be sure it was nothing more sinister. Unfortunately, that was it.

What happened when the cancer came back?

I was diagnosed with secondary bad cancer. It had spread from the original site to my bones, my spine and my pelvis.

A secondary cancer diagnosis has several names. It is also known as a diagnosis of metastatic cancer, stage 4 cancer, terminal or incurable cancer.

As it has now pbaded the main site, doctors believe that it could be anywhere in your body, even in microscopic form. Therefore, they say that it can not be cut, poisoned or irradiated as with primary cancer, and you will never really get rid of it.

These are very difficult ideas to accept, and I could not believe that I had succeeded only about six months before the return of my cancer.

The secondary cancer requires an entirely new state of mind, and for my part, I found it hard.

Unlike primary cancer, where your treatment plan has an end date, secondary cancer treatment involves daily management of symptoms caused by cancer. Your long-term management plan aims to extend your life as much as possible.

Like many patients with a secondary cancer, I had to accept that from the diagnosis, my health condition would deteriorate gradually, which would require an increasing dependence of painkillers and palliative care.

Of course, miracles happen and some people can live with a secondary cancer for years without much trouble, so I continue to live in hope, even if time flies.

I was given a revised life expectancy figure, which I did not share with many people. It is tragically short and I do not consider myself bound.

Instead, I am doing everything in my power to work with my medical team and to keep my symptoms to a minimum.

Frustration, I find that I can be relatively fit one day and be paralyzed by nerve pain the next day. What it taught me is that I do not have to wait to get sick: if I feel good now, I get up and go out.

Every minute that I am free of all symptoms, I can enjoy life and I do it too.

Tell us how yoga helped you

Before my diagnosis of cancer, I had never really considered yoga. However, as soon as I tried a yoga session for people with cancer, run by the charity Trekstock, I became hooked.

Yoga movements are adaptable, so you can physically challenge yourself or simply enjoy the idea of ​​being "present" in your body for a while.

On days when I feel good, I will focus on the commitment of the muscles and holding a firm posture, indispensable when the strength of my spine and my heart is compromised by bone cancer.

If I am weaker, however, I am more likely to take a break and concentrate on my breath.

It allows me to feel more connected to my body, allowing me to detect new symptoms and new problems. I've become good at identifying when a new pain is simply a normal pull or tension, as opposed to an underlying, more insidious sensation.

Recently, I developed an acute pain in the hip that was related to rib pain that had warned me of secondary cancer.

Several scans later, I learn that, unfortunately, I am right: the cancer has spread and has further intensified in the bones and vital organs. This is bad news, certainly, but I am happy that my connection to my body, made possible through my yoga practice, prepared me for the diagnosis I knew about to happen.

Yoga also provides a fantastic mental escape.

In these moments, you do not think about your next scan, your previous diagnosis, your next medical check-up or the prescriptions you need to order. No, you're just thinking about your breath. I am not a scientist but I am sure that it must be beneficial for my general well-being, my blood pressure, etc.

When I breathe deeply, I imagine I breathe in the limpid air of the shoreline of a beautiful beach, while I exhale is the black smoke of cancer coming out of my body.

Clearly, this visualization has not cured my cancer, but it always makes me feel stronger and more positive, and it must surely be better for my overall health.

Yoga is also wonderfully uncritical. Nobody ever criticized me because I chose to take a few minutes to put a child to catch my breath.

In practical terms, yoga is manageable, which is important. Previously, I participated in incredibly energetic gym clbades – circuits, HIIT, Step, spin – but today I even fought to finish the warm up. If I attended a clbad, I would imagine that I would quickly become unmotivated by the deterioration of my physical strength and stamina.

Although I would like to get back to running, my bones are a little too friable now because of cancer.

Why is keeping your body in shape so important to you?

My medical team repeatedly told me that I was doing well with the primary cancer treatment regimen because of my pre-existing fitness level.

Part of the chemotherapy in particular was terribly difficult to cope with, causing long periods of nausea. Still, I managed to maintain a good physical condition during the treatment.

Cancer treatment inevitably involves filling up on medications, and I think it helps your body tremendously if your system is fluid and active. It seems to me that if you are generally stronger and fit, you will be more likely to cope well with some of the more powerful treatments.

I am proactive in my treatment and care and have attended many medical talks on cancer treatment, recurrence, etc.

I think that if I expect my medical team to do everything in their power to keep me healthy, the least I can do is try to maintain blood pressure and a correct heart rate even though I'm not ready to run more marathons being.

What does the term "strong woman" mean to you?

A strong woman is a person who perseveres even under the most difficult circumstances. Despite the side winds, bad luck and misfortune, she maintains her position and finally triumphs over adversity.

I think some elements of secondary cancer make me strong.

I live every day with the certainty that I may not be very long and that the rest of my life could be spent on treatment, hospital visits and doctors. Getting out of bed and continuing each day with this burden on my shoulders is a challenge. So I guess I'm strong on that.

However, I find it hard to answer when people kindly tell me that I am so brave to undergo all the treatments, exams, bad news, and so on.

I think these treatments are only an integral part of cancer treatment, and I do not see how brave I am to let a nurse or doctor do their work sitting or lying down.

How do you maintain your positivity?

My husband, my family, my friends allow me to continue. I'm so lucky to have a life with them, I can not bear the thought of letting myself go.

I've chosen to take a treatment for my cancer and continue, even if the cancer continues to spread aggressively.

The secondary cancer has given me a whole new perspective of life that I feel very lucky to have.

I am no longer worried about the little things and I try to avoid negative feelings as much as possible because they simply do not help us.

I'm trying to drown myself metaphorically into exciting, fun and beautiful things that make life worth living: a good meal with a loved one, a walk in the park, a phone call with an old friend , a manicure. No matter what it is, it's all that reminds me of how beautiful life can be.

And it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the more I discover kindness in the world, the more I'm convinced that it's easy to find once you start looking.

Strong Women is a weekly series that is published every Saturday at 10am.

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