At age 17, I developed a nut allergy that was putting our life in danger. She almost destroyed my life.

A little less than my 17th birthday, I was in the car with my mom snacking on yogurt-coated peanuts that were being sold everywhere as a "healthier" alternative to chocolate. We had greedily consumed a quarter of the package when, out of nowhere, I started to cough. I felt I had to clear my throat, but I could not; it became irritating, tight, and painful at the same time. My face and my throat had also begun to swell; I felt sick and fragile.

Fortunately, after taking an antihistamine, advised by my mother, the symptoms began to fade slowly. I did not know it at the time, but I had my first of many allergic reactions.

As a result of the reaction, I was shocked and confused. I had always eaten peanuts and had never had a problem, from peanut butter at breakfast to snickers as a snack. I loved peanuts. I did not understand what had happened. I did not know that an allergy could occur at any point in life – but apparently it was possible. After a doctor's appointment and a blood test, it was confirmed: I was allergic to peanuts and a selection of nuts.

The doctor called me to explain on my diagnosis and on anaphylaxis, and he prescribed me a set of two epinephrine pens (EpiPens). I have not received any advice regarding the psychological impact of this type of diagnosis, and how and when to use my EpiPens. It was as if someone had thrown me to the bottom of the local pool without first asking me if I could swim, rather waiting to find how to stay afloat and survive alone. The diagnosis was extremely discouraging. It took years for me to be referred to an allergist, despite the severity of my allergy.

Even so, at first I was pretty jaded about my condition. I naively thought it would not change my life. I have never thought about the magnitude of the implications of this diagnosis.

However, things have slowly changed. At age 19, I had a bad reaction to a food that should have been safe for me: a chocolate cake that I ordered in a coffee shop. At age 21, a trusted brand had to recall its product because it accidentally contained peanut butter and did not list it on the package. It shook me deeply because I did not even know that such mistakes could happen.

Because of these two factors, my diet has become extremely restricted. I became more and more worried about food and started to see food as a monster to be feared. The thought that I could bite into a food and have a fatal allergic reaction haunted me. I started to develop the beginning of a eating disorder. I became terrified to eat. When I asked for the help of a dietitian, it was said that this type of anxiety is extremely common among people with food allergies just like fear of food and a restricted diet.

At first, it was only during restaurant meals that my anxiety really took control, making me too scared to eat. Over time, this anxiety increased and it got to the point where I could not even drink a cup of coffee when I left, because I was terrified of cross-contamination. When I ordered to order at the restaurant, I was going to declare my allergy, but even so, I sat there, more and more anxious while I waited for my order. I struggled to trust the restaurants and cafes when they said the food was safe for me.

For the outside world, it was probably not clear that everything was fine, but my food allergy had serious consequences for my mental health.

And my anxiety has only worsened. I found it extremely difficult to eat the food that the other cooks had prepared for me, to the point that I did not even like to eat at my own parents' house. It also put a strain on my relationship with them and my friends, because the anxiety I suffered meant that I was limiting myself in terms of social activities.

If my girlfriends had a takeaway party, I would be too eager to go there. Or if they were planning an appointment for lunch, I would be desperate to go see them, but because of the fear of having an allergic reaction, I would not eat. This put a strain on my relationship with them. They felt that I was getting too worried and felt that they did not understand.

I knew I had a problem, but I did not know how to solve it. The problem was that my anxiety was based on a very real concern – having an allergic reaction – and I could not overcome it. An allergy to peanuts and nuts can be extremely dangerous: a mouthful of food containing a trace of nuts or the use of a product containing walnut oil can cause anaphylaxis which, if left untreated quickly, can be fatal.

My allergist told me that they could not say how serious an allergy was, but it's vital to know that every reaction is different. One reaction may simply require antihistamines, while another may result in anaphylaxis and hospitalization. Although most of my reactions did not require hospitalization, there is no need to say if the next allergic reaction could. I wear EpiPens, an inhaler and powerful antihistamines as prescribed by my allergist; I also carry a doctor's note and a warning card against anaphylaxis. My allergy can be fatal, but not all reactions will be, which is difficult to understand.

The workplace is an area in which it can be difficult to navigate. I'm lucky to be able to work remotely, partly because that's the path I chose to take and partly because working remotely makes it easier to manage my allergies. If you do not live with a food allergy that threatens your life, you do not understand how easily a reaction can occur.

I've heard horror stories about colleagues who brought nuts to work as a healthy snack, ate them, did not wash their hands, then spread nut particles in the whole office. Leaders may ask team members to keep in mind their allergic colleagues, but the reality is that it's easy to forget about washing your hands or not eating certain foods at work.

The same goes for an educational environment. In the last six months alone, I had two allergic reactions while studying on campus for my master's degree. One of those reactions was caused by a sandwich that I think was contaminated by the loose knobs on the kitchen knobs, and I still do not know the cause of the other.

Dating is another area that I have already struggled with. I have been with my current partner for almost seven years and, thankfully, he is fantastic with my allergy. He is understanding, caring and as informed as me. However, before meeting him, I went out with other people, which could sometimes be complex because of my allergy. My dating was before my extreme allergy anxiety manifested itself, which made things a little easier. However, there is nothing more embarrbading than being on a first date and having to approach the subject of kisses early, so that your date does not command the food to which you are allergic. It's something I've always found difficult and difficult to navigate.

At age 22, after four years with my allergy, I found a network of people in an online support group with whom I could share my concerns. Finding people who understood what I was going through was crucial to my recovery.

These groups are slowly repairing my mental health and helping me to learn how to deal with my food allergy. What I discovered when joining these groups is that anxiety due to food allergy is extremely common and my feelings are completely normal. Although it did not improve my mental health, it reinforced the fact that it was acceptable to be afraid. Although I considered looking for help from a mental health professional, no one at the local level provided any support to treat the anxiety badociated with a food allergy, while my allergist and dietitian were able to provide this support.

Nine years have pbaded since my diagnosis and I am currently being followed by an allergist and a dietician. I see them both twice a year for check-ups, skin tests and blood tests. They provide me with information on all my allergies questions, discuss new management techniques and make sure I feel comfortable with my EpiPens and other medications. Having this support system in place helps. However, I am still navigating to combat my daily anxiety.

I've learned to handle it by knowing where and what I eat. I do not eat items marked "may contain" on the advice of my allergist. I always call restaurants before eating to make sure they can serve me safely. I educate people with whom I am aware of my allergy, the place of storage of my medication and the procedure to follow in case of allergic reaction. When I feel anxious while eating, I try to melt.

I learned to stay calmer when I ate at the restaurant. After launching a successful blog, which deals with reviews of local restaurants and bars, I have often been invited to attend launches of restaurants and bars or to revisit new menus. I have seen how most places are ready to be very accommodating. I was made to visit the kitchen and show how the allergens are managed in the commercial kitchens, which helped to fight my fear even more.

I am grateful that my life is no longer dictated by my allergy. Of course, I still struggle sometimes but I'm in a much better place now and I want to help others get there too. My hope is to continue to stay in touch with other people with food allergies who have a mental health problem, while deepening their knowledge about anxiety management and awareness.

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