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Dear Carol, My father has been the caregiver for his mother since his stroke 10 years ago. 79 years old and in good health except for type 2 diabetes. I visit my parents every two or three days to help them, so I prepare their two drugs for the week, but daddy often leaves diabetes medications in the pill box. When I ask him why, he says that the drug gives him his head spinning and that he is slow, so he hates taking it. I remind him of the possible complications of diabetes but he pushes me away because his weight is normal and he was physically active.
It makes no sense because he is diabetic, no matter what he has done in the past, but in one way or another, he uses his past to rationalize his lack of care with his medications. I am terrified of losing my father before his time, but I feel crazy about arguing. What can I do about it? – DG.
Dear DG, It's difficult when you have the impression of knowing what is best for someone else and not convincing you to do it, right? This is the reality for many caregivers.
Most of us are aware that the side effects of medications can be bothersome, but many are temporary. It would be good to know if your father gave the drug a chance to see if these problems would subside after a few weeks. I think he may not have kept up because if he gets dizzy or slows down, he feels less able to be a good caregiver.
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Have you discussed this possibility? If he admits that he has not even tried to take the medicine according to the instructions, ask him how you can help him overcome the next few weeks while he starts taking it and mitigate side effects. He will probably refuse your help and say he can do it himself, but maybe your offer will encourage him to follow through.
He insists that he has tried the drugs well, I encourage him to consult his doctor before trying another medicine. He may be right in saying that this is not the right prescription, but the only way to remedy this situation is to work with his doctor.
Anyway, if you talk to her about medication compliance about her ability to continue taking care of your mother rather than herself, your argument could be more effective. This is because it is common for caregivers to ignore their own health. Often, however, understanding that they need to take care of their own health for the sake of someone else is enough to motivate them.
If your father still does not take the medications, step back. Tell him it's his choice and you'll linger. Then do it. Once he feels that it is his decision, we can hope that he will make the right choice for all concerned and that he will find a medicine that will allow him to stay in good health.
Carol Bradley Bursack is a veteran caregiver and established columnist. She is also a blogger and the author of "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Tell Their Own Stories". Bradley Bursack hosts a website for caregivers and seniors at www.mindingourelders.com. She can be contacted at [email protected].
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