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Doritos has a new flavor: Doritos® Flamin 'Hot® Nacho. Instead of launching the new chip in a reasonable way, a marketing team decided to play the Millennial Music Mad Libs up to (likely) millions of dollars. The result is that Chance the Rapper has remixed the Backstreet Boys clbadic "I Want It That Way" in a dreadful ad disguised as a sickly nostalgic badtail for the Rap Caviar ensemble.
Imagining the target population of this monstrosity is a confusing exercise. The only connective tissue between "I Want It That Way" and Chance the Rapper is that the first was released on April 12, 1999 and the last was born on April 16, 1993, which means that the hit song and technically styled musician Aries. Also, it's hard to know who in the world thinks Chance is hitting "Hot things all over my nachos / walking like a taco / driving on potholes / hotter than a pot-au-feu" is a good thing to bring into the world if the end goal is as modest as selling spicy fries.
Do not confuse this harsh criticism of capitalist schemes as a general condemnation of the Backstreet Boys or Chancellor Bennett. "I Want It That Way" is one of the greatest songs ever recorded. Chance has given us Acid Rap. I am not here to blame the artists involved for pursuing this beautiful piece of business to ensure the prosperity of their offspring, especially when the Republic burns. That does not change the fact that Doritos ruined a very special part of my childhood by letting Chance the rapper a nonsense of freestyle in front of the Plan of the soul… plane. At least Chance had the choreography, I suppose.
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