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Former Chelsea captain Charlie Colkett said he felt he had become "a bit of a number" after several loan attempts and a lack of first-team football at Stamford. Bridge.
Colkett led the Blues to successive victories in the FA Youth Cup and two consecutive titles of the UEFA Youth League.
But he was one of the many graduates of a prodigiously successful academy who has never played for the senior team.
"It would be hard to say that I've been let down," said the 22-year-old at BBC Sport.
"But you're part of the system and, in the end, you end up being a bit of a number."
He explained that his mental health had been affected by the realization of the end of his football dream at Stamford Bridge – after being loaned four times.
After stints at Bristol Rovers, Swindon, Shrewsbury and Vitesse Arnehm, he left Chelsea and signed for Swedish club Ostersunds FK.
"Mentally, it was one of the most difficult moments of my life, going from one place to another and being told to go here, go ahead, it will be this one, it will be this one. the.
"You believe it is the process and you trust it, but you do not always get the fair chance or the right choice.
"[While on loan] Every day I gave everything to my absolute, but for whatever reason, that was not enough.
"I just worked harder and did everything right to give me every chance of being recognized.
"But there was no light at the end of the tunnel."
Chelsea has 41 players on loan, of which 20 have joined the Premier League club academy as young teens or children.
Of the Colkett-led generation, only Ruben Loftus-Cheek and Andreas Christensen are on the first-ever Blues team, while Dominic Solanke – now in Bournemouth – is the only other Premier League player.
But Colkett does not regret his decision to choose Chelsea, saying that creating a career is just as important as giving the first team of local talent.
"They still produce as many professional footballers as they can and I hope we all have a very good career," he said.
"Around the age of 12, I had the opportunity to go to many clubs – Tottenham, Arsenal, West Ham, Liverpool. I ended up going to Chelsea and training there. It's really awesome.
"Up to a certain age, I think it's the best place you can be in. The schooling you get, the education and the way you're raised are incredible."
This foundation, in addition to giving young players a chance at a professional career, has also created a lucrative business model for Chelsea.
Since 2013, the club has sold 11 graduates at an average price of £ 7 million, according to transfermarkt.com figures. Two of these players, forwards Stipe Perica and Patrick Bamford, have not played a single minute for the club, but they have already raised £ 10m.
Defender Nathan Ake has only played seven games, but Chelsea has still received £ 20 million for him since Bournemouth in 2017.
But for players like Colkett, it's a life on the road until a contract is reached.
"Everyone lives things in life and there are people who are worse off than me," he says. "But when you encounter your own problems in your head, it can sometimes become a little dark.
"I had the decision to sign or not [for Ostersund] on loan or a permanent contract, and I have chosen the permanent option because it is nice to feel settled, to feel loved somewhere and to have a new base.
"The place where I grew up [in East London]I have a lot of people who depend on me and I have the impression that there are a lot of young kids who keep looking at me, so I always try to 39, be their inspiration because they're also trying to do it out of the box. "
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