Dear Coleen: My old friend lives nearby but she chokes me

Dear Coleen

A few months ago, one of my childhood friends moved to London with her job.

I was really excited about it, especially since she had rented a room near my home.

At first, we saw each other all the time – I was aware that she did not have many friends in the city, so I loved to show her and introduce her to some of my friends.

Now, however, she has become very possessive and I am beginning to feel choked by her.

I had a life here before her arrival, but she wished we would do everything together and that we would become really morose and sometimes angry if I saw my friends without inviting her.

My boyfriend is fed up too.

It does not stop to say that it's like a trio without being fun!

Sometimes she shows up unexpectedly and sits down with us on the couch watching TV and it 's really embarrbading.

She now thinks we should have a girls' mini-break to celebrate my friend's thirtieth birthday, but I absolutely do not want to go when I feel that for our friendship.

I can not really afford it and I prefer to spend my money on vacation with my boyfriend.

It is however to the point where I am afraid to go against it. What should I do?

Coleen says

She seems insecure and that's why she tries to control everything. As a result, all the pleasure has disappeared from the friendship.

So, if you can, that's what you need to make her understand: you're happy that she's on the road and you like to be her friend, but you can not be there 24 hours a day, because you have a relationship, a job. and a lot of other things going on.

And I think that with the mini-net, you must simply be frank, you can not afford it because you want to save money for a trip with your boyfriend.

This should be the end of the conversation.

I think situations like this are tricky if you are an easy-going, non-confrontational type of person, but sometimes you have to be direct and that does not mean it has to be in a hostile way.

Plus, I'm sure that when your friend settles in her new life in London and makes friends at work, she'll step back a bit and not impose herself too much.

Hopefully she will understand and that this could even be the beginning of a better and more honest friendship.