How to be TROP GENRE can bring women to emotional exhaustion!

The day my sister Amelia was found in the hospital, fearing that she would die, started as another. The alarm went off at 6:30 am and after having eaten her breakfast, she ran to the door to go to work at 8:00 am.

Aged 32 at the time and badistant music teacher at an American university, her ten-hour teaching day did not include a lunch break, but she was in the midst of a review for her upcoming Ph.D. .

After a take-away dinner, evening rehearsals and a brief conversation with her husband about their weekend break with her three teenage children, she ended up in bed, exhausted. Lying in the dark, her spirit hissed. And two hours after the start of her sleep, Amelia woke up in excruciating pain. Sudden agony shot through her stomach, leaving her breathless and panicked.

She was rushed to the hospital, where doctors discovered that her white blood cell count was five times greater than what she should be – a sign that the immune system was under an incredible load. She was hospitalized for four days. But the tests did not reveal anything more and she was sent home.

Yet a year later, she was back in the hospital, this time with a catalog of diseases including back pain, asthma, severe depression and a seizure. acute appendicitis.

I am the identical twin of Amelia and I always have an image of health. At 41, I have never been to the hospital. So, why was Amelia's body broken and mine in perfect condition? As a health educator and biologist, with many decades of scientific research, I think I have the answer.

It is a phenomenon called "burnout" that affects half a million Britons every year, whose victims are mostly women and 40% more likely to suffer, not because of fundamental biological differences between the bades, but because of the way in which the roles of men and women in society have evolved.

Exhaustion destroys the immune system

Besides the feeling of helplessness, the physical consequences of burnout can be catastrophic. The increased release of stress hormones leads to chronic high blood pressure, resulting in overworking of the heart. The functioning of the immune system, tissue repair and the digestive system are all "paused", which increases the risk of deadly infections.

I am convinced that Amelia's "cascade" was due to her emotional workload, day after day.

Our research found that burnout is not only related to an increased risk of psychiatric disorders – such as anxiety and depression – but may be the reason why thousands of women end up in the hospital with physical problems ranging from chronic pain to infertility through migraine, through digestive problems. It could even predispose patients to dangerous infections such as appendicitis – as was the case with Amelia.

Burnout slows down the immune system, allowing normally eliminated infections to develop.

A Dutch study found that people with burnout were up to four times more likely to suffer from gastroenteritis – an inflammation of the intestines due to a bacterial or viral infection.

You're stuck in a non-stop stress cycle

Burnout occurs when the body and brain are in a state of biological stress for a prolonged period, as was the case with Amelia.

The stress center of the brain aims to equip us with the necessary physiological tools to escape or fight, under the threat of death. Usually, the body performs this function perfectly.

The problem is that such an extreme response is triggered by what we perceive as a threat. Millennia ago, they actually threatened life (a hungry lion, for example), but nowadays, a perceived threat is more likely to be an angry boss or a mountain of bills. Our body jumps to the same physical reaction. The hormone, adrenaline, injects blood into our muscles and into our vital organs, allowing us to run faster and fight harder. Endorphins are released to reduce sensitivity to pain and blood rushes into our brain, making us alert and hyper-vigilant. Systems that are not prioritized – immune, digestive and reproductive – are removed.

The human body is only designed to work temporarily in this state. In the past, escaping the lion, we breathed a sigh of relief, grateful to be alive. The natural cycle of stress was over.

But what happens when the lion reappears every morning at your desk? We find ourselves stuck in the middle of the cycle. The body and the brain remain locked in a state of terror. Day after day.

Women put others before themselves

The main difference between Amelia and myself, and a key factor in her burnout, is what I call the "human donor syndrome," where one person continues to give to others (in terms of time, emotional support and care) but does not expect anything in return. As a result, they find themselves stuck in the middle of the stress cycle, physically and emotionally, before they run out of steam, resulting in a cascade of physical repercussions.

Our research revealed that thousands of women have been victims of this evil, convinced that they must keep their negative emotions for themselves in order to improve the lives of others.

This happens because girls are raised to be calm, attentive and helpful to others at all times, but boys less. Recent Canadian research has revealed that women's tendency to leave others in the limelight has led to missed work opportunities and catastrophic physical consequences, including heart disease and immune problems.

From an early age, Amelia – like most women – was a "loving person", hiding her anger or misery so as not to annoy others. I was considered different from other girls for my reluctance to integrate. Oddly enough, the unique traits that made me feel strange in my teens could, at some point, save my life.

Sometimes we have to look after ourselves

No one has the unlimited ability to care for others without having a detrimental effect on their well-being.

When we experience stress on behalf of others, we consider it "irrational" and it is unlikely that we will give ourselves time to deal with the emotional fallout.

This creates stress overload in the emotional centers of the brain that reduces empathy, what psychologists call "compbadion fatigue," a precursor to burnout.

Studies suggest that half of nurses and doctors present troubling signs of compbadion fatigue and that the incidence of alcoholism, drug abuse, headaches and high blood pressure is higher among those concerned.

For Amelia, the emotional turmoil caused by the traumas of adolescence in her stepchildren, combined with the care provided to sick relatives and friends, brings her into a spiral of mental distress.

Women simmering with unprecedented anger

In psychology, there is a recognized syndrome called "complex of good girls". Just as girls are raised to give priority to others, they are told to be beautiful and happy.

Research shows that girls are better at recognizing the emotions of others, but worse at expressing negative emotions than men.

Men, on the other hand, are much more likely than women to react to grief with anger or aggression. This puts women at a disadvantage because angry outbursts are a quick and effective way to complete the stress cycle.

Instead, many women walk around with decades of incomplete stress response cycles, which bog in our chemistry.

We need more sleep but we can not turn it off

Scientists know that six to eight hours of sleep a night are the key to healthy immune function, metabolism, memory, reduction of inflammation and cellular repair.

However, women are 50% more likely than men to suffer from insomnia and are 20% more likely to suffer from sleep disorders.

After years of practicing activities such as meditation, exercise and free time, Amelia has seen an improvement in her physical health. She is healthier, healthier and happier than in her twenties.

Use our scientific tips that helped her and you could be too.

• Burnout: The secret to solving the stress cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski (Vermilion, £ 16.99).