"I lost 110 pounds when I started cooking all my meals at home"

Women's health

I have always been aware of the growth of my body. In college, I had more curves, bads and was taller than all my friends. High school started and I was extremely aware of the growth and transformation of my body, to the point that I started to restrict my diet in a very unhealthy way. I thought it was the only way for me to lose weight, which was of course far from true, far from being sure, and not sustainable.

When I entered college, my difficult relationship with my body and my food continued but in different ways. I moved into the dorms and started eating (and drinking) more. My weight has exploded. I've definitely won the first year 15, and then some.

I remember walking with my friends to go to college one night. They started walking very fast on a hill and I could not follow. I pretended to take a phone call as an excuse to slow my pace; I did not want to admit that I was tired of climbing a hill. I also knew that when we were sitting in clbad, I would sweat like crazy, and again, I did not want them to see how this seemingly simple activity was difficult for me. When I had my university degree, I weighed 280 pounds.

I have tried several times to lose weight after graduation. I bought weight loss shakes, restricted my food intake and tried to train myself, but eventually abandoned myself every time. At my highest weight, I weighed just over 300 pounds.

My turning point came in late 2016, when I had in mind New Year's resolutions.

I think my friends and relatives knew that I was overweight and unhappy, but I did not talk about my discomfort, my insecurities or the fact that I wanted to change my body. I've kept everything for myself. But I was so sick that life is harder than necessary for me. I knew I wanted to use the New Year to motivate myself and create lasting change, but I still needed a new boost.

The story continues

Around the same time, my boyfriend had health problems. His doctor told him that he was pre-diabetic and that he had to lose weight before seeing him again, otherwise he would have to take insulin. This allowed me to start dieting and exercise under the facade where I was doing it to help him. We did it together for his health. I had the impression that expressing it in this way took me less pressure and contributed to my success.

Cutting most fast foods from my diet was a great help.

I had used to eat fast food for almost every meal. I would order a combo, a dish, a dessert and a soda. This time, I started eating at home as often as possible. And if we were to eat at the restaurant, I would order something from the lighter fare menu. Looking back, the food choices I made were still not the best, but really everything was better than what I had eaten before.

I have become better and better at preparing food at home over time. I started making sandwiches at home and finding less caloric foods for foods that I liked. For example, instead of always ordering my usual Starbucks frappuccinos, I exchanged them for iced coffee with sugar-free sweeteners and no milk or cream. My favorite snack was (and still is) hot cheetos. But I started eating popcorn with cayenne pepper as a substitute. Over time, I started counting calories and macros.

I was still too nervous to go to the gym when I started my trip, so I bought an inexpensive elliptical online.

Any form of exercise being an improvement, the elliptical trainer was a good start. My boyfriend and I shared the costs, used his truck to pick him up and I cleaned my garage to make room for a small gym at home. I started doing an hour of cardio every night in the garage: 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on our stationary bike.

In March 2017, I finally joined a gym and I continued to do cardio. It was not long before I ventured away from cardio equipment. But now, I love * strength training and circuit training. I use the FitBod bodybuilding app for workout ideas. It also helps to track my workouts just like my Apple Watch (I love it!).

In 2018, I reached my goal of weight. To be honest, though, I did not totally like the way I got there.

I had the impression of doing too much cardio and not eating enough. At one point, I remember staying in my kitchen, on the verge of tears because I was hungry, but if I had dinner, I was counting on the number of calories I consumed daily. I told my boyfriend that being nervous and upset about calories and food scared me because I did not want to go back to the unhealthy way of skipping meals. It was that night that I decided to * stop * counting calories. It did not make a positive impact on my mindset about losing weight.

The weight loss culture is seriously so insane. So many people, including myself, have been trapped thinking that you have to eat minute amounts of calories and work tirelessly to lose weight. I was doing cardio for over an hour each day.

Interestingly, my Instagram account (@_iwokeupinbeastmode) helped me realize that what I was doing was not healthy. I was doing a question and answer session on GI stories, and a disciple asked me about my cardio diet, so I honestly answered how much I was doing cardio. One of my Instagram friends responded by saying, "Do you do so much cardio every day !?" That really made me stop and rethink my long-term approach.

I changed my routine and picked up 20 pounds that same year – and it was one of the most positive changes of all.

I think my weight gain was the combined result of my non-obsession with cardio training, weight lifting, food consumption, and the lesser severity for myself in general. I currently maintain a weight loss of 110 pounds. Today, here is what a healthy diet looks like (not counting calories!):

• snacks: Pure protein bars, carrots, packets of tuna or boiled eggs

More recently, I ordered some of my meals from a local service called Prep Success Meals. It's easy to keep eating healthy even when I'm overwhelmed at work. Some of my favorite dishes include chicken, golden potatoes and green beans, or salmon, brown rice and asparagus.

Finding a balance has been a real process, and I'm still working on it.

Most days, I'm still not sure what a "healthy weight" is for me, but I know that having a healthy mindset is just as important. I am still going through periods of body image problems and how I feel for myself. But I still remember that I absolutely developed healthier mental and physical habits and how fuel my body.

I never realized how much of my life I had left because of my weight. I was afraid to try anything. I jumped on amusement parks or did any activity that could cause other people to notice how bad I was. I had never gone shopping with friends because I did not want them to know how big I was or if I would see that I could not fit in the normal sizes. Weight loss has changed my life and has helped to dispel these fears.

It is wild to think how much of believing enough in me to take control of my health has changed in so many other aspects of my life. I'm not too afraid to try new things. I am more willing to try and fail than never to have tried at all. Gaining confidence (at work, at home, at the gym, in life) has not changed anything in a life that has changed.

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