Paul Merson reveals the darkest game moment and admits that "I've still lost control"

It's the moment Paul Merson burst into tears when he confesses that his demons are back.

The former football ace sobs during ITV's Harry's Heroes show, which admits: "My game is out of control."

The 50-year-old star, who has seven children and three women, cries, "I'm fighting for life right now. Games of money. I have completely lost control. "

The midfielder, who has won 21 caps for England, has signed up for the documentary in order to get back in shape. It brought together stars such as David Seaman, Robbie Fowler, Neil "Razor" Ruddock, Matt Le Tissier and Chris Waddle.

On next week's two shows, he talks openly about his addiction to drugs, alcohol and gambling while on a fishing trip with Seaman and Fowler.

Merson spent £ 7 million on gambling during a colorful career during which he also fought against alcohol and drugs.

He once revealed that he was planning to break his fingers to no longer phone his bookmaker at Aston Villa.

And the star confessed that he subsequently went bankrupt after cashing his £ 800,000 pension in order to continue his fierce bets.

Speaking previously, Merson said, "I've placed stupid bets, £ 60,000 here, £ 80,000 there.

"My system was everywhere and I bet on absolutely everything and anything.

"I would have called the bookmaker and bet £ 10,000 on Lord's first drummer that day. I had lost my mind.

At one point, he was so addicted to gambling that he told his pregnant wife to go to the hospital because he was following bets in a football match.

He said: "I was so dependent that I even felt weak when I won."

Merson's addiction worsened when he shared a house with Paul Gascoigne and they played for Middlesbrough. He said, "We were the original couple that had been screwed. It was like a time bomb waiting to leave, but it was a real laugh. "

After filming, Merson revealed that he had returned to Alcoholics Anonymous as a result of a "collapse."

He says the series made him realize that he still has addiction issues that plague his life.

He said, "I'm back in AA. I have been going there for nine weeks and my life is better. I had a crisis, but it was for good. "

In the show, he opens up to his teammates and shocks them when he says that he wanted to commit suicide at one point because he felt so low.

The star said, "You have so much free time … My life was completely and totally out of control.

"I was major, major taking cocaine. I have not taken any drugs since 1994, but it will not be long.

"It's hard to be addicted … Addiction is a strong thing, it's weird how it takes you.

"I play for England and I have all the money in the world, but I want to kill myself. I was lower than low.

"In the show, I talked a lot about my gambling habits, but afterwards, when I looked at the problems, it was the consumption of alcohol.

"I understood that the drink was the most profound thing. If I drink a shot, I make a bet. So, I'm not going to have a drink now.

"I get help to play and drink. I'm back in AA and my life has improved. I stopped drinking. "

• Harry's Heroes: The Full English airs on Mondays and Tuesdays on ITV at 21h.