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SIMON Thomas described the heartbreaking moment when he had to tell his nine-year-old son that his "mom is dead".
The former presenter of Sky Sports, 46, said his "hands were shaking" when he announced the heartbreaking news to little Ethan.
Simon's beloved wife, Gemma, died of leukemia at the age of 40, just three days after being diagnosed with cancer.
Eighteen months after the tragedy, Simon, his father, said that his eyes filled with tears as he announced to his son the sudden death of his mother.
Sending to the Daily Mail, Simon said, "My hands were shaking on his shoulders as I began to speak.
"I said," Ethan, you know that mom is not doing very well …? "
Before the words could even form in my mouth, tears flooded his eyes and he exclaimed, "Is mom dead?"
Simon Thomas
He nodded slowly but said nothing.
"Well, today, mom has become really very very badly, which is why you came to the hospital to see her."
He was silent and kept staring intently at me, and my heart was beating faster and faster.
"I said," I'm so, so sorry … the doctors tried everything to improve Mom, but … "
"Even before the words could even form in my mouth, tears filled his eyes and he exclaimed:" Mom is she dead? "
"Every part of me wanted to somehow smear with sugar what I had to say, but I knew that for him, I could not.
"Her legs began to twist and I said what I could never have imagined in my worst nightmares:" I'm really sorry, but Mom is dead. "
Simon turned to drink and wrestled with suicidal thoughts as he struggled to deal with the devastation of losing Gemma so suddenly.
He also suffered from a severe sleep loss – but turned to writing his traumatic experience to cope with it.
Now, the former host of Blue Peter must publish his memoirs – which will detail the sorrow that he and his family have experienced after Gemma's death in 2017.
Before his release, Simon also explained how Ethan and him paid tribute to his soulmate with a new nighttime bedtime ritual.
Both father and son talk to Gemma as Simon puts Ethan to bed – and tells him that they hope she "has a good time in paradise."
Little Ethan explained, "I tell Mom how much we love her, stuff like that.
"I miss her cooking, her beautiful hazel eyes and her hugs" – her word for her mother's comforting hug and hug.
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Simon now meets the daughter of the church minister, Derrina Jebb, 27, who helped her, as well as Ethan, cope with their loss.
He recently admitted that he felt "guilty" about his new relationship by asking himself, "Is it too early?
Simon said at the annual launch of the Marie Curie Daffodil Grand Call in March: "Gemma will always be there in my life and will never be forgotten.
"In the interest of my son, and mine too, there will be a third presence in this relationship.
"I know Gemma would be happy for me."
And opening bravely about his fight against mental health, Simon revealed that he was about to commit suicide twice.
He said: "I had a decision to make and there were at least two times when I almost ended it.
"My boy was the main reason I kept going.
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"But I have no reservations about it because it can make the difference between life and death.
"The issues can be as important to people with mental health issues."
Last month, it was announced that Simon was joining This Morning to discuss mental health and alternative therapies.
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