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Well. It's happened. Your scientists were so concerned about knowing they could watch the cats trailer they did not stop to think if should watch the cats trailer.
Late today, the first glimpse of a conceptually disconcerting film has been abandoned. Directly on me. We all knew it would be a lot. I mean, it's Taylor Swift and Jennifer Hudson somehow as cats singing on very big furniture. We are not talking exactly about mumblecore here. But the two minutes and twenty-three seconds of trailer that we received are, without hyperbole, some of the most disturbing images ever on the screen. Middle could never. Hereditary found dead in a ditch.
I am short of words beyond: "WHY GOD, WHAT HAVE WE MADE TO DESSER THEM?"
For example, I know that JHud sings that a new day has begun but – listen to me – what happens if the new day ends immediately? And if it was erased from my mind, Eternal sun-style? What if I changed my name, moved to a deserted island, threw away all my belongings and spent the rest of my years trying desperately to forget it?
90 seconds after the start of the trailer, I had already sent an SMS to my psychiatrist to tell him that I had to plan an emergency session despite his strict rule "Do not shout about tapes- movie ads ". Whatever it is, Dr. Tuttle, charge me a fee.
How I feel about the cats trailer? How do you feel? Betrayed. Bewildered. I'm trying to treat. Dr. Tuttle says that I will live the five stages of mourning by giving up my previous life before seeing the light of day. cats trailer. Let's go over together.
Denial
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Okay, absolutely not.
There is not a movie named Cats. Cats in the movie named cats do not have fur but also fur-colored skin and also fingers and bads maybe ?? Nope. This is not something that happens in this world.
The cats look like the alien that Joaquin Phoenix sees in Signs and so it's something I just dreamed about and not something that's going on in any way.
I mean, let's be real: it's not a creature that my brain can understand.
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Is this stitch of Lilo and Stitch? Is this panic! At the disco? Nope. This is not a thing. It does not happen!
Anger
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Serious question: where is the rest of Jennifer Hudson's head? Sis will win a second Oscar with part of his head numerically missing and I'm furious! I am so furious that I refuse even to make the obvious word play here. I'M NOT GOING TO.
James Corden, who I believe plays The Penguin from Batman Returns spit on another cat and we are supposed to ride with it. NOT UNDER MY GUARD.
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ALSO! Idris Elba looks bady and I'm crazy about it in a way that baffles me a lot. Sexually!
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Some cats wear coats and hats and some cats are naked and I want to throw a chair on it.
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Negotiation
How can we solve this problem? If I stop grumbling about Russell Crowe's song The setTom Hopper will he bury this trailer in the garden, like the disco album Carly Rae Jespen?
And if I go to see cats on the scene. And wait at the door of the stage for autographs? Will it help?
Should I buy a cat ?! DOES THE CAT WANT TO PLAY WITH A GIANT BRAY? Will that call him?
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Question: where are all humans? Have humans become cats? Is this the nature of the curse?
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How can I reverse the curse?
Depression
Taylor Swift holds a dazzled catnip urn and that would normally get me into camp ecstasy crises. But like Morales in A line of chorusI do not feel anything.
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EXPECT. She also wears shoes of character! The cat is wearing character shoes! As she auditioned to play Shelia in A line of chorus. WHY? I'm broken.
Acceptance
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I will see this film literally 100 times.
R Eric Thomas is a senior writer on ELLE.com, where he publishes his comic column "Eric Reads the News", which highlights politics, pop culture, celebrity hue and schadenfreude.
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