The latest online craze is subject to the mortifying test of being known

One of my favorite memes is taken from one sentence of an essay: "To receive the rewards of being loved, we must submit to the mortifying test of being known. "

The format is simpler than it looks: on one side, to be loved; on the other, be known. Sometimes the mortifying ordeal is a sheet of glbad or a block of comics, but it's always between you and being loved.

Verbosity becomes part of the joke. You can start with a simple slogan ("why you do not have a piece of bread," say) and the twist ("why not submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known") will turn it into something sadder and more difficult to solve. The idea is really wise. Intimacy can be terrifying, and the lonelier you are, the more scary it is. It takes courage to be loved, and there is always something painful about it.

You can see why this kind of thing resonates online. The Tumblr culture is usually guided by the twin lights of frenzy and social anxiety, and this meme unites them in a particularly satisfying way. Most riffs adopt the position of a person who is not loved, can not stand the test of being known – or, failing that, who stubbornly asks for a "break". to be loved without paying the price. This is not the only way to read this sentence, but you can imagine why it sounds the most online. If you were really ready to be known, you probably would not be on Tumblr.

The line originates from an essay by cartoonist and writer Tim Kreider, published on The New York Times"Opinionator blog in 2013. How this has resulted in fame is a mystery, but it probably has something to do with The Hairpin, who released the essay soon after its release, citing in Block the line "mortifying" and borrow it for the title.But according to Know Your Meme, the first variants of Tumblr were not spotted online until 2018, where they have been kept since.

The essay itself, entitled "I know what you think of me", is worth reading. It starts with goats, as so much valuable literature does:

Recently, I received an email that did not concern me, but which concerned me. I had been accidentally accidented … The background is that I had rented a herd of goats for reasons that are irrelevant here and that I had sent a mbad email with pictures of them. goats attached to illustrate this a) I had goats, and b) it was good. Most of the answers that I received expressed the admiration and envy of my goats, but the message in question was not meant to answer me, but to leave out some colleagues of the recipient, sighing the kind of spending was wasting my uncomfortable income. The word "oof" was used.

From there, Kreider addresses various concerns about existence in the minds of others and seeing oneself as an object of others' opinions – until he pbades to the final and triumphant metaphor:

Years ago, one of my friends dreamed of a strange invention; a staircase that you could go down very deep into the ground, in which you have heard records of everything that someone has ever said about you, whether it is good or bad. The problem was getting through all the worst things people had said before they could get complimented at the bottom. It is out of the question for me to cross such a staircase for more than two and a half steps, but I understand its terrible logic: if we want the rewards of being loved, we must submit to the mortifying ordeal of To be known.

Which line! In fact, Kreider himself did not discover the second life of this essay until a few weeks ago. He has a new book to come out – focusing on his relationships with women, rightly so. I spoke to him via e-mail to find out his reaction to the message and his opinion on how to withstand the mortifying ordeal of being known.

What was your reaction when you heard that your sentence had been taken in this new life? Do you think the same is true to what you meant?

A friend of mine gave me an excerpt of this line superimposed on the face of an unhappy cat. Later, she showed me an entry on Know Your Meme showing additional variations. I would describe my initial reaction as unprovoked or perhaps perplexed. Obviously, it is flattering to know that you have written something that resonates with people, but it still slightly hurts the writer's intention to draw a sentence out of context. But every time you publish something, you give up control and people can interpret it as they wish. Maybe even makes this process a little more literal.

Why do you think it resonated with people?

As a writer, I badume that everything that is said about me is probably true too, and judging by my mail, it's as if everything I write expresses what others feel. But as for why this particular line really resonated with people – who knows? It seems that the current generation of young people has a little more than the usual horror of being seen, to be known. Perhaps this has something to do with the illusion of omniscient invisibility conferred by the Internet. I know that the youngest are not using the phone at all (by "use", I mean "talk"), and I feel that they are very afraid to go to the world.

As the author, do you have a glimpse of the mortifying ordeal of being known who could help those of us who want to be loved?

Well, do not be all "old cries to the cloud", but I think the internet is all in all a bad thing. A friend and I call her "the sad machine", to remind us what she really is and what she does. (This clarifies things by using this name: "I imagine I'm going to turn on the old sad machine for a few hours, see if it comforts me.") I would advise them to turn off their devices and go out and play. I do not pretend that the compromise between love and vulnerability is easy for anyone of any age, but the alternative is to be the character of Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am A Rock".

Last question: what is the problem with goats?

People rent them to clear their lawns and control weeds. I think Prospect Park had contracts with goats a few years ago. They eat just about everything, including brambles and poison ivy. They are also very familiar animals with a lot of character. Unfortunately, the people who rented them to me had already left this business, I had not had them for several years, and my lawn had gone to hell.