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From elementary school to college, girls are more disciplined in their homework than boys; they study harder and get better grades. Girls consistently outperform boys. Yet men still occupy 95% of the largest jobs in the largest public enterprises.
And if the same habits that drive girls to the top of their clbad – their hyper-consciousness about school work – also hold them back in the job market?
In investigating what deters women from pursuing career advancement, journalists Katty Kay and Claire Shipman found that a lack of skills may be less of a barrier to low self-esteem. Acting on job-related trust, they found that men are far ahead. "Under-qualified and under-prepared men do not think twice before bending over," they wrote. "Overqualified and over prepared, too many women are still holding back. Women only feel confident when they are perfect.
As a psychologist working with teenagers, the parents of many of my patients often talk to me about this concern. They regularly notice that their sons are doing just enough to keep the adults out of their backs, while their daughters are tirelessly unraveling, determined to leave no room for error. The girls do not stop until they have finished each task and rewrite their notes with color-coded precision.
We must ask ourselves: What if the school is a trustworthy factory for our sons, but only a factory of skills for our girls?
This possibility struck me when I was taking an eighth grade student in my practice. She had excellent grades but felt overwhelmed by the school. His brother, a grade nine student, also had excellent grades, but when I asked him if he worked as hard as she did, she made fun of it. If she worked for a mission for an hour and got an A, she felt "safe" only if she spent an hour on other similar tasks. His brother, on the other hand, flew through his work. When he brought an A back to the house, she said, he felt like a dick. If his grades dropped a little, he took his efforts a notch. But she never felt "safe enough" to ever make less effort.
This experience – succeeding at school while doing minimal or moderate work – is potentially crucial. This can help our sons develop self-confidence because they see everything they can accomplish simply by relying on their intelligence. For them, the school serves as a test track, allowing them to believe in their abilities and become more and more comfortable by relying on them. Our girls, on the other hand, may not have the chance to trust their abilities if they still rely on intellectual elbow grease.
So, how can we get super-conscientious girls (and boys, because there is certainly the same style) to develop both confidence and competence in school?
First, parents and teachers can stop praising inefficient overwork, even if it results in good grades. Gender-based approaches to learning started early, so it's not too early to start opposing them. Recently, as I read "Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban" to my 8-year-old daughter, I stopped at a pbadage in which Hermione – the daughter of the fictional poster for academic fastidie – presented an essay entitled "Two rolls of parchment more than Professor Binns asked. Hermione, I pointed out, is not making good use of her time. She is a capable student and could probably do just fine without working so hard. "Good," said my daughter. "Of course she could!"
We can also encourage girls to take a different approach to school – an approach more focused on the work economy rather than on the number of hours they devote. Whenever one of the awesome girls on the plane and anxious in my practice tells me to stay awake until 2 in the morning while studying, I see an opening. It's time to push them to become tactics, to understand how to keep learning and getting the same notes while doing a little less. I urge my patients – and my own teenage daughter – to begin the study sessions by taking test samples, to see how much they know before knowing how much more they have to do to achieve mastery of the subject. 39, a concept or task. Many girls develop an incredible ability to work, but they need those moments to discover and be proud of what they already understand.
Teachers too can challenge the excessive tendencies of girls. When a girl with a high A average generates additional credits, her instructor may ask if she is really attracted to the subject or if she is looking to accumulate "points of insurance", as some girls call them. . If it's the first, more power for her. If this is the latter case, the teacher may encourage the student to believe that what she knows and the work she is already doing will almost certainly produce the desired result. Educators can also report to this student that they may not need insurance; she probably has a much better understanding of the material than she deserves.
Finally, we can tell girls that it is normal and healthy to feel some anxiety about school. Too often, girls are afraid of being anxious, so they look too hard for education to find solace. We can remind them that being a little nervous about school work simply means that they care about what they should of course.
Even if neither you nor your daughter would want to become CEO, you might worry that she will not end up being crushed by the weight of her own school habits. While a certain amount of stress promotes growth, working at a high speed in each clbad is always unhealthy and unsustainable, even for the most dedicated high school students. One of my colleagues likes to remind teenagers that in clbades where a score above 90 is considered an A, the difference between 91 and 99 is a lifetime.
Of course, the trust gap is not the only thing that prevents women from holding high-level positions. Women are also victims of gender bias, badual harbadment and powerful structural barriers in the workplace. But trust in school is an unequal advantage that we can tackle now. Instead of standing while our girls make 50 memory cards when they have 20, we can ask them why. Many professional men are overflowing with confidence because they have spent years learning about their abilities. Women should come into the world of work after doing the same thing.
The Times is committed to publishing a variety of letters For the publisher. We would like to know what you think about this article or one of our articles. That's some advice. And here is our email: [email protected].
Lisa Damour is a psychologist at Shaker Heights in Ohio. She is the author of "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions to Adulthood" and "Under Pressure: Dealing with the Stress Epidemic and Pain". Anxiety among girls ".
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