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Last year, at the age of 20, I was diagnosed with a recurrent form of multiple sclerosis (MS). This disease damages the nerves in your body and makes everyday tasks more difficult, such as walking, talking, eating and thinking. It can be painful and often exhausting, and since there is no treatment, I soon realized that my life was going to change.
For the untrained eye however, nothing is really different. One of the most difficult problems is therefore to help others understand what I am living.
One of the things I've noticed since the diagnosis is that people have a completely distorted idea of what a disability looks like. I even lost touch with friends who blamed me for not going out, saying that I looked OK in pictures.
But it's not because I can take a selfie from time to time that I can walk.
MS is an "invisible" condition, which means you can not really know what's going on beneath the surface. Unfortunately, the lack of understanding around invisible diseases comes from the most incredible places – not just friends but colleagues and even doctors surgeries!
At the doctor's office, once the receptionist has announced "You do not feel like you have multiple sclerosis", in front of all those people waiting. What exactly does SP look like ?!
People can be pretty narrow when it comes to conditions that are not visible from the outside. As with anyone with mental health issues – we all know that you can not see anxiety or depression – it's the same for me.
You have to dig beyond the surface when it comes to certain things in life. People do not expect a girl like me to have multiple sclerosis, thinking it's a "senior's disease". But that's far from true.
At 21, my life in front of me suddenly became blurred. There are many things that I am unable to do now. I can not go to work the way I did since my national insurance number arrived at the age of 16, and I was directly on the Internet applying for all kinds of jobs. I am very tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I get, I am always exhausted. This problem, combined with vision problems, means that I can not work.
I have so many symptoms that you can not see. In addition to tiredness, I lost the use of my left arm, my right eye vision, my bladder control, and I lost excruciating clubs and limbs. numbness, which means that I am very poorly coordinated and often unable to walk or move.
Nevertheless, most of the time, I am in very good health. I always make an effort with my appearance – I have always been a female girl who loves to wear hair and make up. Some days it's not possible, but I'll never stop trying!
I went out recently and, while preparing myself with optic neuritis without glbades and painful spasms to the fingers, I still managed to put a pair of false eyelashes and to make sure that my nails were painted. Let me tell you that it was not an easy task!
Although I have MS, I am and will always be me. In truth, I believe that this diagnosis has been made of me. I launched a blog hoping to raise awareness of my health, but if it allowed people to better identify an invisible disease, it would be amazing. I want people to approach me when they need to talk, because I know how lonely this trip can be.
More: Health
Although I have an incredible circle of people in my life who understand and raise me constantly, there is still a minority who do not know it. That's when you can feel as lonely as you can, because in reality you sometimes want people to understand.
MORE: Selma Blair "cried with relief" after diagnosis of multiple sclerosis
TO FOLLOW: A global map of multiple sclerosis shows "out of ten" cases
I am me, I am not MS.
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