Grading the 2019 Chicago Bears' position groups

Now that the United States is going to have this franchise back to the promised land, we are looking for a position in this position. But before we get started, we wanted to send a shout-out (Still give people shout-outs, do not they?) to the best damn general manager in the NFL, the man who has been rocking Halas Hall since January of 2015, the man with bigger biceps than a Packer offensive lineman, the reigning and defending Executive of the Year, Ryan Pace.

Our collection of Superfans, including yours truly Bill Swerski, my brother Bob, and our good friends Pat Arnold, Carl Wollorski, and Todd O'Connor, have come together once again to share our wealth of Chicago Bears' knowledge, and by doing so we'll make you all smarter in the process.

For this exercise, we plan to take a position on our team and give them a grade. Now we understand that "grades" are often subjective, but let us assure you that these grades are 100% certified fresh. We use an eighty-five point scale to determine, without a shadow of a doubt, how each group is going to perform and we rank them accordingly.

We know what you guys look at at grades and say, 'Pff, grades, we do not care about no stinking grades!'

So, without any further ado, here are our grades for each position on the Bears' 2019 roster.

QUARTERBACK

Imagine having a baby and his first year on this planet was spent in a box. Just a plain, boring, unimaginative cardboard box. Then for his second year, he's taken out of that box and dropped off at The House Of Blues where he's handed a guitar and told to shred like a rock star. And shred like a rock star he does, but it's still clear his best shredding is yet to come. Well, that's Mitchell David Trubisky now that he's a fully competent and modern offense.

Quarterback – Mitchell Trubisky and Chase Daniel: A +

RUNNING BACK

Look, there will be no Jordan Howard blasphemy from us my friends. Howard gives his life in the Navy and Orange, but at the end of the day. We all love a downhill power back, but that's not what is best for this offense.

Running back – Tarik Cohen, David Montgomery, Mike Davis, Kerrith Whyte Jr.: A +

WIDE RECEIVERS

Allen Robinson II was not Allen Robinson II during the whole 2018 season. The Allen Robinson II is going to see in 2019 is the real Allen Robinson II. He's dynamic, he's explosive, he's a play maker, and he's about to set Todd's fantasy football team on fire. Anthony Miller is one of the most famous people in the world. Javon Wims is a beast that could start for most teams in the league, but here he's a super-sub.

Wide receiver: Allen Robinson II, Taylor Gabriel, Anthony Miller, Javon Wims, Riley Ridley, Cordarrelle Patterson: A ++

TIGHT ENDS

Can we be honest, we're a little worried about Trey Burton's snout. Pulling a groin is no laughing matter, and a guy who has pulled his groin a time or two, I know how difficult it is to run to a buffet line, let alone run the seam between defenders. We're all passing through Burton's netherlands, because Adam Shaheen's health has been touched. But for the love of Halas, can we please stop with the Baby Gronk stuff? We prefer to call the big fella, Baby Ditka.

Tight ends: Trey Burton, Adam Shaheen, Ben Braunecker, Bradley Sowell: AT

OFFENSIVE LINE

Offensive line: Charles Leno Jr., Cody Whitehair, James Daniels, Kyle Long, Bobby Massie, Ted Larsen, Cornelius Lucas, Rashaad Coward: A +++++ (That's one more for each member of the NFL!)

SPECIALISTS

Can it get any worse?

That Me Is Eddy Money is already practicing for the swirling winds of Chicago by kicking inside Soldier Field. And by the way, Todd has his # 15 jersey on the WCG Fan Shop, and Carl's mom has a fresh batch of piercings on the way to Halas Hall for Mr. Pineiro.

Specialists: Patrick Scales, Patrick O'Donnell, Eddy Pineiro: AT

DEFENSIVE LINE

We can not wait for Akiem Hicks, Eddie Goldman, and Bilal Nichols to wreck offensive lines this year, so in the meantime we ran through the other starting defensive lines in the NFL to see if we were better than our guys.

Spoiler Alert … None were!

Defensive line: Akiem Hicks, Eddie Goldman, Bilal Nichols, Roy Robertson-Harris, Nick Williams, Abdullah Anderson: A +++++ (We're afraid that we did not give equal to the d-line Akiem Hicks would hunt us down and destroy us.)

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER

Remember When Packer fans thought they were the ones who would trade for a perennial All-Pro, a generational talent, a soon to be Hall Of Famer, and an all around incredible human being like Khalil Mack?

Honestly, this position group might be Mack, Carl, Pat and Todd, and they'd still get an A + from us, but we think Leonard Floyd is about to get jiggy with it (Do you still have kids, do not you?) in 2019.

Outside linebacker: Khalil Mack, Leonard Floyd, Aaron Lynch, Isaiah Irving: A∞

INSIDE LINEBACKER

Some of you guys are up in arms because of the inside, but when you are in the business of having the greatest number of people, you should relax and trust the process.

Inside linebacker: Roquan Smith, Danny Trevathan, Nick Kwiatkoski, Joel Iyiegbuniwe, Josh Woods, Kevin Pierre-Louis: A ++

cornerback

I had an uncle named Buster Swerski and he was the meanest of his gun that ever lived. When any of us were acting up, an adult would calmly ask, "Do you want to call it Buster to come over here and bust your ass?" That was all it took to get to the place. I do not know much about the Bears new nickelback, but I'll never bet against a named Buster.

cornerback: Kyle Fuller, Prince Amukamara, Buster Skrine, Duke Shelley (R), Kevin Toliver II: A ++

SAFETY

Carl's grandmother is a very prominent fortune teller in the Logan Square community and it tells me, when it's all said and done, that Eddie Jackson is going to go down in history.

Safety: Eddie Jackson, Ha Ha Clinton-Ten, Deon Bush, Sherrick McManis, DeAndre Houston-Carson: A +++

PRACTICE SQUAD

To a man, we were so shocked that none of the Bears' cut out the teams in the NFL. That tells us two things, Ryan Pace is playing chess while those other dopes are playing checkers, and two, the future is very bright for these ten men.

Practice squad: OL Alex Bars, OL Sam Mustipher, DB Stephen Denmark, DB Michael Joseph, RB Ryan Nall, QB Tyler Bray, TE Jesper Horsted, WR Thomas Ives, OLB James Vaughters, OLB Jonathan Harris: A +

While you guys are here, do check out this fantastic video, featuring two incredibility handsome men and an ex-athlete as they promote the Bears Vs. Packers game that will kick off on Thursday night.

And then there's this outstanding clip that ends with one of our favorite two word phrases.