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Dear Amy: My grandfather is easy. He saved and spent very little all his life. For many years, he promised my mother and us that we would receive a great legacy. My grandmother died several years ago and we are the only members of her close family that she has left her.
A few months ago, my grandfather started to see a younger woman. My mother and I were supportive. They married just a few weeks ago and look very happy together. However, my grandfather recently called Mom and me and informed us that we were no longer his heirs. He decided to leave everything to his new wife!
Amy, I do not feel entitled to his money. I do not care about receiving money or not. I am more worried about my mother. She lives with a very low income and I know she was relying on her father's inheritance to be able to think about retiring. Now she is depressed and thinks she will have to work to death.
I do not find myself much better and I can not afford to help Mom on my own. Meanwhile, my grandfather and his new wife are constantly sending us pictures of their luxury vacations. They have also recently bought a second home.
To be clear, I do not think my grandfather's new wife is a gold digger. She seems to really like him and, as a member of a wealthy family, she does not need her money. This seems to be purely my grandfather's decision.
Would it be inappropriate to contact my grandfather to ask him to consider reinstating my mom as heir? I do not care what he does with me, but it really upset him.
– Girl concerned
Dear concerned: Your grandfather may have made this decision to show his wife, just after marriage, how much he loves him and that he is proud to declare her as his closest relative. (They could also have a pre-nup.)
His motivation could have been more emotional than practical (or punitive).
Yes, I think you should talk to him about it.
Make sure to reflect your positive reaction to her marriage: "I'm so glad you found such a wonderful partner. Shelly is such a beautiful addition to our family. I understand that you love each other and that you are deeply attached to each other. I also agree that you absolutely have the right to do what you want with your will. I'm glad you informed your mother and me of your intentions. However, I feel the need to defend the interests of mom … "
Describe his situation honestly. Repeat that you understand and respect his right to do what he wants to do, but ask him to also consider these other factors in his estate planning.
Dear Amy: I am an older woman, an introvert, who has kept diaries, journals and notes all my life. And naturally, in them, I "drop my hair". It is now time to destroy them – I would not want anyone to find them after I leave.
Unfortunately, they are found in various binders made of plastic, hardboard or spiral. I do not know how to dispose of it, and there is a ton of it. The thought of having to extract the paper from the covers is overwhelming.
One thing I think I can do is take a few at a time, pack them in black plastic and put them in the trash, hoping no one will find them.
Do you have a better suggestion?
– Submerged
Dear overwhelmed: If you are absolutely sure you want to do this, you should think about shredding.
If you do not want to buy a shredder and separate the paper from binders to do it at home, professional shredding companies will send you a truck home and do it on the spot while you look.
Some companies that I have researched have announced that they would shred books.
Dear Amy: The letter of the "sad mother" (divorced) told my story. His youngest son would not call on his birthday or Mother's Day.
This line has jumped to my eyes: "It actually shows what it feels for itself."
It's so true! His son could be in mourning for the divorce.
I, too, have not received any sign from my son on his birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas, etc.
I never pushed it, because mourning takes time. It took my son three years!
– patient
Dear patient, Patience often works better than pushing.
(You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @ askingamy or Facebook.)
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