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AMY: I recently took my two granddaughters (aged 13 and 15) to Paris for their first trip abroad.
I did not bring a phone or camera, knowing that they would bring their own.
Many pictures were taken and I asked the older to send me the ones in which I appeared. That's the only thing I asked for. Thrice.
When we returned to the United States two weeks later, the girls called me for Father's Day. While we were chatting, I again asked the elder photos.
She replied with a breath: "I have hundreds of pictures to go to find yours."
I do not know if it's his generation or his age, but I do not know how to handle that.
I could just put that on his mother, but I prefer to correct this problem between the two of us.
Do you have any suggestions?
Poor image
DEAR EXPENSE: You have two points: this situation is generational; the reaction is related to age.
I do not have the space here to describe the complex and complex relationship between teenage girls and the pictures they take, but imagine this: Narcissus is pierced by her own beauty. Now imagine that you have the technology to try to capture everything that surprises you (and what is not) over and over again forever.
I think it is possible that there is not a picture of the Eiffel Tower that does not present one or more girls. They have probably made their way through the city of light. Are you sure that they even have photos with you in them?
You asked for it three times now. Your granddaughter's impolite response is the aggressive way many immature people react when they get caught and feel guilty. It's not right, it's not nice and I hope you'll forgive him. She already knows that she blew it.
So now, you should be patient and give him some time to stretch your arms. Create a Dropbox or iCloud account online and send him an invitation. But do not talk about it anymore.
AMY: My sister discovered that she was suffering from cancer and that she was refusing any treatment. She is 74 years old.
My 48 year old niece lives with her and has always done so. She has never worked. She has a lot of problems, mainly because my sister did not want to let her grow.
Now, my niece suggests to live with me on the road (after the death of her mother).
I will never accept this (for many reasons), but I do not see how to explain it to him without being totally rude.
It will focus on whoever is available, I am sure.
My sister did not ask me, but I'm afraid it will happen.
Can you help?
Not interested
Dear non interested: It is not rude to tell the truth. Clarity is not rude, if accompanied by compassion.
You should be honest and kind. Tell your niece: "I think it's very important for all of us to help your mother through her illness. That's what we have to do first. I want you to know that I will not provide accommodation, but I will help you in different ways. If you want ideas on how to solve a housing problem, I will work with you on it. "
It is important to emphasize that you will not abandon her, although she and her mother may interpret your statement this way. Your tone must be frank, friendly and firm. Repeat "You can do it and I'll help you" as many times as necessary.
Your niece could be eligible for social services, and a social worker could help her communicate with them. It will need to be assessed for life skills, medical problems, etc. Her mother might be able to look after her financially, and you would do them an excellent service to help them develop a plan to happen.
If your niece has been entirely dependent on her mother all her life, the loss of her mother will be a major loss for her. I hope you will consider it and that you will be very patient.
AMY: "Give me a break" was upset by the fact that his son's friend was constantly asking for snacks and toys. In your response, you suggested to the friend to bring an extra snack to the child. It's just giving in to bullying!
Disturbs
Dear clueless: I proposed a strategy for this friend to be generous, but also creates settings around begging.
You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.
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