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I was brought up with ministers from both sides of my family – it was a very religious house. I quickly learned that I shouldn’t express this part of myself, and I probably shouldn’t express the non-heterosexual part of myself either. In college, I started to identify as a queer person, and I told my parents and chosen people about it. I saw someone say recently that it was not a question of coming, but of “inviting”. I really liked it.
Over the past five or six years, I’ve done a lot of research on the origins of masculinity, where all these rules and norms come from. At the same time, there has been so much violence and misunderstanding with trans people and other queer people. I was looking for where I was in all of this. And then my forties hit – there was so much time to explore my gender identity, or my lack of gender identity.
One of the great things about the modern age is that we have all this wonderful language and identifying markers that give us more ideas about what the genre spectrum really is. It’s less about putting a new label on me than removing unnecessary labels.
The more I understood myself at this level, the less I worried about acting. At the time, I had no indication that I had a career. There was sometimes voiceover work, but there was no theater during the pandemic. I was in Chicago, so I knew very little about what was going on in LA. But to be honest, I didn’t see coming out so non-binary as a potential hurdle. I’m already tall and black and queer – as an actor there are always so many climbs that I have to do. It was a little liberating, actually, because I didn’t see how my identity had anything to do with the identity of a character that I would play.
Marcus on Hacks is a man who identifies as a man. He’s an enchanted soul, but he has a very left brain. He’s still at work and in the books, and in our first season he realizes he has a personal life he needs to get involved in. It was something I could embody, and whatever happens to the character then, I’m going to embody it next. I try as much as possible not to let industry projections or understandings affect my personal experience and my understanding of myself. I would limit my experience to what someone else dictates it should be. I never wanted this kind of bondage in my mind or soul, and found that it kept me from doing my job. I was going into work situations and I was like, “You have to make sure you’re a man. Now I can just worry about being the character. It’s incredibly liberating to focus on a character knowing that I’m more purposeful myself.
I’m really trying to figure out how a character relates to himself. Sometimes you play as a character who isn’t necessarily true to who they are or who they’re going to be. Sometimes it’s the start of a journey. I don’t know, for example, how much Marcus will allow himself to be free. What facets of himself will he rely on, what facets will he move away from?
The concept of a gender-neutral rewards category is something that I have only recently considered. I hope each gender entity is moving quickly at the speed of progress, but other than that, I don’t know how much of that I can make my business of. I didn’t create these awards or create these categories – I just got here. I only have hope and positive thinking, but I also have the battles ahead. I’m less concerned with the kind of a trophy category.
I personally feel no burden of proof on anyone. I will live my life and continue to grow as an imperfect human being. If you like my work, wonderful; if you hate my job join the club. When it comes to my identity and my experience, I share mine. Is it something that you identify with? That’s wonderful. If it makes you feel less alone, even better. However, I am not in the business of getting into a lot of boxes. Having learned a long time ago that I will probably disappoint a lot of people most of the time, I just have to use and fully see all the real possibilities.
I hope that the same time of prolonged reflection that I have experienced has also opened people’s hearts and minds to the understanding that there is more than what they have been told. There is more than what they were allowed to see. And so my hope is that everyone who is with me will be with me. I’m just trying to grow up and be the best that I can be, in the truest form that I can be.
What I do know is that it can make it difficult to access certain rooms. But I also know that I don’t want to get into too many rooms – I don’t want to bring you three-quarters of myself. I want to bring you the character. If the role is mine, then it is my role. And that shouldn’t be distorted by another adjective, right?
This story first appeared in the July 21 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine. Click here to subscribe.
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