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DEAR ABBY: I was at the zoo with my daughter enjoying an ice cream cone. At the next table, a man berated his daughter, yelling at her to say no to his girlfriend.
He said things like, “I’m going to break your butt so hard you won’t sit there for a week” and he kept staring at her like she was the worst creature on the planet.
It was hard to sit still watching a father verbally and emotionally abuse an innocent 4 year old. Is there something I could have done?
HELPLESS IN UTAH
DEAR HELPLESS: You may have tried to distract the father by telling him something that parenthood can be frustrating at times, which could have interrupted his rant. But beyond that, there was nothing you could do to intervene.
Too bad. The reprimand and threat of her little girl will not make her like or accept the girlfriend. Quite the reverse, in fact.
DEAR ABBY: My wife recently returned from a gold / silver / coin selling event and told me that she had sold an old US $ 5 gold coin (probably less than what it was worth).
I was hurt, not only because I have a coin collection and wish I had known and seen the coin, but also because she didn’t seem to understand how disappointed and hurt I was. She happily announced that she was going to use the product to purchase an exercise bike.
I took a two hour walk to let go of my feelings, then skipped dinner because I lost my appetite.
Sometimes I feel like my feelings don’t matter to her – that it’s “her way or the highway”. Should I let this incident pass and move on, or does it require a long “crucial conversation”?
REDUCED IN OHIO
EXPENSIVE REDUCED: Of course, you should discuss this with your wife. This room was only one thing. The fact that the coin was sold without consulting you first is less important than your statement that sometimes you think your feelings don’t matter to her.
A key factor in successful marriages is the ability to calmly discuss difficult topics. Your ability to interact seems to need to be improved. If the two of you can’t resolve this issue, a licensed therapist may be able to help.
DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful lady who has three grown children. Her kids are great, but they have a habit that bothers me a bit. They address their mother by her first name, never as a mother or mother. I feel it shows a lack of respect.
I thought about telling them something about it, but I don’t want to do much with it. What do you think?
SIR. TRADITIONAL IN MISSOURI
DEAR SIR. T .: I’m glad you’ve resisted the urge to pass judgment on how your wife’s children address her – and probably ever since they were very young. People respect each other in the way they treat each other. What they call themselves is their own business.
If your wife is happy and has a good relationship with her children, keep your opinion to yourself.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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