How to say yes to help – Tips for Caregivers: Shots

This year, I joined the ranks of the 40 million Americans who are caregivers while I began to care for my 81 year old father. As a physician, assuming this role has allowed me to experience what so many patients and their families encounter.

As I learned, no one is ready to become a caregiver. It just happens.

My father was in good health until last February when he had two catastrophic falls, which resulted in a subdural hematoma that almost killed him. Fortunately, a neurosurgeon was able to drain most of the blood under his skull, thus initiating a long and slow recovery process.

For several weeks, my dad was "completely assisted", which meant he needed help with everything: changing his position in bed, getting dressed, eating and bathing. He could not even get up, let alone walk.

Fortunately, this step was mostly conducted at the hospital and in an acute rehabilitation center – so there were a lot of people on the bridge of the aid department.

But as my father improved and went on to lower levels of care (specialized nursing followed by assisted living), it became clear that family members should take over.

We were lucky that many dad's friends learned about his condition and made real offers of help. The bestowal was overwhelming enough for my family and I to go through the "cocoon mode" reflex, trying to protect my father from overwork and fatigue so he could focus on his recovery.

Say yes to help

One thing I have learned is that when help is offered, it is important that caregivers accept it.

"Make sure to ask for some help as soon as the crisis hits," said Katy Butler, journalist and memoir writer. Knock on the door of the sky, about his trip by helping his elderly mother take care of his father. He had suffered a severe stroke at the age of 79 years.

"Immediately after a crisis, friends and family rushed to say," Is there anything I can do? "And you're often so overwhelmed that you can not even think – but strike while the iron is hot and take advantage of it."

Caring for a loved one can be so overwhelming that Butler suggests looking for help in the form of "little bites". For example, if someone offers a meal, suggest a specific time and accept that generosity. Plus, it could be a recurring offer at the same time each week!

Get help to manage help.

In Beginner's Guide to the endauthors BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger warn that accepting offers of help can be a daunting task. They suggest you find a friend willing to help you organize your tasks (regular appointments at the doctor, grocery store or household), and assign them to other friends and family members.

And do not forget, another task for which you might need a friend is simply to be there for you – be attentive if you feel depressed. Asking a friend to call you sometimes to sign you up is another way to accept help.

Know what to pay

You can also search for paid help in pieces. Hiring help is not a proposal of all or nothing.

Butler found that his father enjoyed aquatic aerobics. He was looking forward to it and it was an activity that would get him out of the house a few times a week. She is therefore given priority to bring him here. Finally, she was able to count on a medical service to take her back to the pool, which was a great relief for her and her mother.

Bedtime was another Father's Day time when Butler and his mother were looking for help.

"At night, they would both be exhausted … and they would go down to my father's misery," she says. "I heard him moan and my mother would shout at him – it was too much for both of them."

So, Butler decided to outsource bedtime with an assistant at $ 25 at the time. It is a luxury certainly, but has borne fruit in the family harmony. Butler notes that it was more affordable because it was only a few hours a day, rather than full-time care.

Search a program

If your loved ones have more than adequate care needs and can not be left alone all day, the CAPC program could be an attractive and affordable option: the all-inclusive program for seniors. These government-funded community programs provide transportation, daily activities, nutrition, medication and therapy under one roof.

But PACE programs only work in 31 states. So be sure to find out if there is one in your area.

Even if there is no nearby PACE program, talk to your loved one's health care team (probably from a social worker or from a social worker). case manager) for subsidized programs for seniors or care-givers in your area. Many are subsidized. You can also look for a geriatric care manager who can help coordinate and organize care and other support services.

Plan your own health care

The stress of caregivers is a well-known phenomenon and should be avoided; this can lead to higher rates of anxiety and depression and a feeling of burnout.

To minimize the risk of stress to the caregiver, be sure to take care of your own needs: consult your doctor or therapist, pay attention to your hobbies, whether it is yoga class or Working Keep the activities you love and have time to think and recharge.

The main thing to do is to do your homework: find out what resources exist, what you and your loved one can afford, and take all the help you can get.

And even if the care is a serious matter, do not forget to savor the moments of joy that are offered to you. When she was busy with her father with advanced dementia, Debbie Mefferd was anxiously waiting for the moment when he would ask her every day if "the light to drink was on."

She poured her sweet and dry vermouth daily with a touch of lemon on the rocks and together they sat on the porch, enjoying the breeze. "It sounded like a conversation and a little normal life, and I thought it was a very good thing," she said.

Enjoy these little moments. You and your beloved will be happier.

John Henning Schumann is a doctor of internal medicine and campus president of the University of Oklahoma in Tulsa. He also welcomes Studio Tulsa: Medical Monday on KWGS Public Radio Tulsa. You can follow him on Twitter: @GlassHospital.