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Ask any black woman, and she’ll likely have a story on Wash Day. In my family, they were especially sacred when I was growing up. Because my mom was a cosmetologist, our kitchen was turned into a beauty salon every weekend. Every Sunday she had a routine for my twin sister Andrea and me. We started early in the morning and left until 3 or 4 p.m. (I was less tender, so I always had the honor of starting.) She would start by rinsing her hair in the kitchen sink, then at home. Andrea. . Then she came back through it all: Rinse me. Rinse Andrea. Dry me off. Dry Andrea.
We were talking about everything during this time. She taught us how to cornrow, French braid, and straighten our hair with a hot comb without burning everything. She would ask us about school – if we were having a bad day that week or if we were having trouble at school. She was also a great cook, so while she did her hair, she made us snacks and popsicles. The TV was never on. We had fun. And as my sister and I got older, she let us do each other’s hair. Don’t get me wrong: it was a disaster (my hair once fell out in a straightening incident gone awry), but the most important thing was that we had fun and felt like we could be creative.
So the day I found out I was pregnant with a little girl, I was overjoyed. Hair has played such an important role in my relationship with my family. I couldn’t wait to pass on my knowledge and have a routine for my daughter and I that was ours.
At first, my daughter’s hair was soft and wavy – very low maintenance. I washed her with baby soap and sprayed a little water every time I wanted her curls to pop. That was it! I dreamed about all the cute barrettes and styles I could create once her hair got longer. But after Sophia passed the eighth month, the texture of her hair started to change. Her curls tightened and she developed a scaly, almost hairless patch on the back of her scalp. All the basic baby stuff in the drugstore seemed to be drying her out. I was worried, but experts assured me it was common with babies.
Me and my two year old daughter, Sophia
I wanted her hair to be more hydrated which I thought would help fight her hair loss. I love organic coconut oil for my own hair, so I started using it in her hair every other day to lock in moisture and keep her hair shiny. It worked for a while until she was a year old and her hair had changed drastically again. It has become much coarser and difficult to comb. Sophia also started beating me whenever I tried to wash my hair. She cried every time the water touched her face and didn’t stay still long enough for me to do her hair.
I wouldn’t go that far saying I felt like a bad mom, but I did feel really frustrated. As someone who has spent years doing natural hair, I thought it would be the easiest part of motherhood. Was she too young to use the products I was using on my hair? When was the right time to use shampoo and conditioner on a baby? I was questioning everything I thought I knew.
On top of that, being black and a new mom, I was afraid of being judged because of the look of my daughter’s hair. For years, black women have had to deal with social prejudices about wearing our hair in its natural state. The company deemed this unprofessional or “neglected”. Even though these discriminatory beauty ideals have finally started to evolve, it has been difficult to understand how I see myself and how I wear my hair.
I don’t want this for my daughter. I want her to wear her hair proudly and know that she is more than her hair. Recently I read the book Hair love, which celebrates a little girl’s natural texture and all the peculiarities of her hair, in Sophia before bedtime. I want to instill in her that regardless of its texture, her hair is still beautiful.
And yet, for all the articles and bulletin boards I have found on children’s hair, I haven’t found any resources specifically on black baby hair. So one night I stumbled into a hole on YouTube – which as a new mom is basically my fix for everything now. There I found several videos of black mothers who were having the same issues as me. I felt so comforted knowing that I was not alone and that they had real advice beyond “it happens”.
Ten months later and after some trial and error, I finally have a better understanding of how to care for the hair of my now two year old. Every other Sunday she gets excited when I tell her it’s time for her wash day. As I let her pour the water over her own head, I ask her questions about what she likes or what book she wants to read. She will be holding her rubber bands for me while I stretch her curls. And when it’s over, she’ll look at herself in the mirror and say, I’m pretty.
It makes me proud to feel like I’m sharing something with her and teaching her to love her hair. And now, if another new parent is looking for tips for their baby’s black hair, I can share what really helped.
Wash once every two weeks.
I used to wash Sophia’s hair once a week, but soon realized that was too much. It dried out her scalp, causing dry patches. Now we wash and condition every two weeks with the Shea Moisture Kids line, and between washes I touch up her hair with African Shea Butter mixed with organic coconut oil.
Sheamoisture Extra Nourishing Shampoo for Kids
$ 10.00, Amazon
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Sheamoisture Kids Sulfate-Free Conditioner
$ 10.00, Amazon
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Find a soft detangling brush.
This detangling brush was chasing me all over Instagram, so I finally decided to buy it. It’s an absolute game changer. It is a full plastic brush with soft, flexible bristles that puts minimal pressure on your hair and scalp. I use it after washing Sophia’s hair and while the conditioner is still in place. It detangles easily and prevents breakage.
Detangling Flexi 4C Hair Brush
$ 8.00, Amazon
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Section and stretch the curls with rubber bands.
This technique is a great way to stretch a toddler’s curls without using heat. After conditioning and detangling her curls, I split her hair into six sections and use black elastics to hold her hair in place. It takes about 20 minutes, and I do it while she’s watching her favorite show (which is currently Blue’s clues and you). This style can last for about a week or so and then I usually take it apart and style my hair or hydrate it again and put it back in this style.
This technique greatly facilitates my baby’s hairstyle.
Invest in a shield hat for wash day.
Despite my daughter’s affinity for bathing, every time I tried to wash my hair she would cry, scream, and kick. She just couldn’t face the water running down her face. This shield hat her aunt found on Amazon is a lifeline. It’s flexible, sturdy, and adjustable, so it keeps soap and water from getting into your baby’s eyes and ears. It turned a wash day that was once almost intolerable into a fun experience for both of us.
Soft and adjustable bath shield
$ 9.00, Amazon
BUY NOW
Cynthia Simpson is a casting producer for Condé Nast. Follow her on Instagram @naturalcyn.
Originally appeared on Glamor
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