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AMY: On occasion, my wife and I are going to have dinner with two other couples. As none of us drink, we always share the note and the tips equally between us.
However, the last time we all went out, one of the couples insisted that the checks be separate. When the checks arrived, the woman pulled out a gift card to obviously apply to their bill.
Frankly, my wife and I do not need a gift card when we eat at the restaurant, but I was appalled by her actions.
If my wife and I had a restaurant gift card, I would have applied it to the total bill – or at least I would have bought appetizers for the table!
If she did not want to share the value of the gift card with us, she should have kept it for the moment she and her husband would go alone to this restaurant.
What do you think?
Dinner dismayed
CHER APPALLE: I think this other couple should rethink their choice of having dinner with you. You are too sensitive to the way people pay for their meals.
The restaurant gift card is the equivalent of the currency.
Your tone implies that because their restaurant card was a "gift", they should have shared it with the table. How do you know that it was a gift? And why is it important to you?
Do you have to use all means of payment to make sure they are well earned?
It may not be necessary for the other party to request separate checks. Restaurants can treat gift cards in the same way as other payment cards, if you ask them to deduct a specific amount from the card total.
AMY: I am a 36 year old gay man. I have always had an interest in starting a family.
I have a good career, which could partly explain why I've been single for about 10 years now.
The problem I encounter is that I have trouble finding a "peer" so far.
In the past (and recently), I've been with professionals aged 5 to 20, but I know it's unlikely that people in this age group want a family and the dynamics present an imbalance (of my point of view).
On the other hand, I have between 5 and 10 years less than me and the connection may seem as good as that of the older ones, but they are still always starting, they have to face to their own difficulties way.
Ideally, it would be great to meet someone who is at a similar place in life, but I wonder, at this age of my life and considering the length of my celibacy, I also ask a lot ?
What do you think?
Professional and single in Portland
CHER SINGLE: You do not ask too much of your love life. You ask for the exact exact amount.
First of all, you should not necessarily make assumptions about people just by their age. While I agree that age influences a person's desire to have children, family orientation is more of a fundamental value.
It seems that your approach to dating has so far a Goldilocks quality. You have tried to associate with people you consider too old for children, you have too young people and now, at age 36, you are looking for someone who is perfect.
Post the message among your group of friends and rewrite your profile on the online dating sites you use and be a family-oriented man, ready to have children with the right partner.
You may find (as I did at your age) that all your peers seem to be caught.
If that is the case, if you want to start building your family, you can do it as a single man. Examine adoption, surrogacy and foster families. Also think of going out with available men who are already dads. Being a step-parent is a unique challenge and joy.
AMY: "Chatty Sister" complains about her brother who asked for absolute calm while studying to enter law school.
I thought your answer was good, but why did you feel the need to insert a stupid "lawyer's joke" in your answer? As a lawyer, I found it quite shocking.
Lawyer upset
Dear clueless: Yes, I made an obvious "avocado joke" in response to this question. The opportunity was just … sitting there and I take responsibility – and excuse me.
You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.
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