"No pajama party, no brand tricks for my kids"

By Shilpi Madan

At 49, Farah Khan Ali is more than a jewelry designer. An insatiable traveler, she is also the mother of two fantastic children, Azaan and Fiza, and firmly believes that everyone has their own balance to find in life. In her 25 years of enrichment in the world of jewelery, she distills her travels, inspirations and experiences in her book on the coffee table, Farah Khan: A Life of Bejeweled. With designer Zarine Khan as mother and actor-filmmaker Sanjay Khan as father, the genesis of the creative crucible was to happen in Farah, as well as her two younger sisters Simone (Khan Arora) and Sussanne Khan. Extracts from a conversation:

How old are the children now?

(smiles) Fiza 14 years old, Azaan is 17 years old.

Are you in shock from the teenage crises?

Fiza is beautiful, kind, sweet – heart – soul who tells me every day that someone or the other needs help. She even saved her allowance to buy me a gift on my birthday. And just the other day, my son's tutor told me that even though Azaan's mathematical concepts were not that great, he was sincere and honest in his work. That's all I want, so that my children become good, compbadionate and respectful human beings.

How different were you at the same age?

I was perpetually outdoors. Until I was 14, I led a very protected life. Then my father made me travel every day by bus to town to go to university. He also wanted me to learn from people who had not yet known how to smile. Humility was sown in us very early.

What do you think is the most important thing your mother has learned?

It is very important that every woman works and earn her own money. If you are financially independent, you have a voice. Otherwise, you give control of your life to someone else. Thank God, my mother has always worked. Otherwise, we would have been annihilated as a family, since a fire in 1989 would have ravaged the scenery of my father's production, The Sword of Tipu Sultan. There were so many people who had to be paid, whose repayments had to be paid … It was an extremely difficult time for all of us, financially and emotionally.

What did you learn from mom and what do you use as a parent?

Objectivity and problem solving. Always listen to the other person to understand the facts of the situation before making a decision. Often, I went home from school, upset by a fight, she listened to me, asked what the other person had said and done to understand the whole race, and then explained to me why I was wrong. I saw caution in this technique. You see, I would rather have a spoiled child rather than a spoiled adult. I use the same technique with my own children

So your mother is the glue of the family?

Absolutely. She keeps the whole family together, makes efforts to plan lunches and dinners so that we can all meet and catch up with each other. She keeps track of everyone.

Your biggest benefit to dads?

Be respectful to everyone, from sweepers to millionaires. I take after the determination and determination of my father.

One thing mom always told you all three?

We have always been told not to think that you are the most beautiful girls in the universe. There are thousands of more beautiful than you. Develop your own personality and a keen sense of character that sets you apart from others.

What do you say to Fiza and Azaan?

When I was growing up, I did nothing to discredit my family. I tell my children that they represent my education. It's their job to make sure they do not let me down.

You can not have everything. Is there no anger, say, buy branded items?

Oh yes. My son wanted me to buy something brand and obviously very expensive. He told … I told him I bought my first brand name: a Louis Vuitton handbag when I was 25, with my own money. Why should I just splurge right now and give them all? They must earn and buy expensive branded items for themselves. Simple.

Do Azaan and Fiza have their own identity on social media?

Yes. But I never mark them. I delete all the lines that lead me to their digital identities. There is a whole new virtual world. They will often say that the son of an actor has followers of "xyz" on social networks, they will ask me to tag them in order to get more "followers", "I like" … you know how are the children. But I do not give in. Then they tell me that all their friends follow me. I tell them, "Please, tell them not to follow me" (laughs).

No negotiation tactics, clearly, with you?

No. No slumber party except at their cousins'. They are too young. All the tantrums and comparisons with other parents and I tell them that the door is open for them to leave and live in that other parent's house. Once they are gone, I will not let them in. My house, my rules. That's me.

No petition helps? As I always say, nobody feeds me. Why should I care about what others think about me? I know who I am. I love my children. They are my life. I will drop the most important meeting in the world where they are, and they know it.

Are the children close to their cousins?

We are a very united group. I stay very close to the siblings and the houses of my parents. Children are emotionally welded to each other. They are as thick as thieves. Simone has three children, Sussanne and Zayed have two each. Two of Simone's children are older, but with seven of them, the room is packed. We are all going on vacation together soon. It will be mainly on a beach.

Are your teenagers demonstrative?

Very! Fiza will come to bed on me. My son often goes to him when he gets up from his desk to give me a warm hug. I have always planted hugs and kisses on them and they have learned to be demonstrative. This is very important.

Are you their friend or relative?

I talk to them as their friend, but I'm their relative. The dividing line is very clear.

What is the rule for spending money?

I give them a monthly allowance of 3,000 rupees. Teenagers should not have too much money, it is not necessary. Everything they need is taken care of. I tell them I am their ATM (laughs).

A secret wish as a mother?

I would like my children to read more books. There is too much screen time each day. I love books, their magic is unbeatable. That's one of the reasons I wrote my own book, A Bejeweled Life.

Do you train every day?

I do it. If I'm fit, I'm happy. I make better decisions. Growing children can sometimes empty you completely (laughs). You need energy to treat a million questions every day

A ruler at home?

We have a meal together as a family. Usually dinner. No phone on the table.

Tips for other mothers?

You must be the person you want your children to be. Always give the example.