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Thugs of Hindostan
Director – Vijay Krishna Acharya
Cast – Aamir Khan, Amitabh Bachchan, Katrina Kaif, Fatima Sana Shaikh
Rating – 1/5 [19659005IttakesalottomakepiratesboringWithoutadoubtThugsOfHindostanisawholelotofmovie-YashRajproductionofalltimeAmitabhBachchanandAamirKhan-andyetthisentirelyforgettableDirectedbyDhoom3'sVijayKrishnaAcharyahereisafilmsodullandunoriginalthatitcanonlyinspiretheshrugsofHindustan
This is Pirates Of The Caribbean without pirates or Caribbean, a knockoff to follow prejudiced audiences like cricketer Virat Kohli who prefer to exclusively admire the local made. In this 1810-set adventure, Aamir Khan borrows the Jack Sparrow eyeliner, while Amitabh Bachchan is literally given the bird, his entrances on screen preceded by a noisy hawk. Bachchan plays a rebel, a freedom fighter rallying troops against the colonizers, while Khan is a two-faced rogue on the company pays off to infiltrate Bachchan's squad and bring him down.
The plot is so childish I fear the Yash Raj writing room may be an illegal sweatshop. This film, alongside Ashutosh Gowarikar 's painful Mohenjo Daro, may – alarmingly enough – make a strong case for leaving historical Hindi hysterics to Sanjay Leela Bhansali, who understands scale and pageantry. Acharya shoots far too much action in slow-motion, from swordsmen swinging on conveniently placed vines to collapsing mothers, amping up the frames for the second to disguise the lack of storytelling craft. Nearly three hours long, Thugs Of Hindostan is a film hardly ever larger, but certainly slower than life.
A word, now, about Jack Sparrow. Think what you will of Johnny Depp today – and it is true nobody remembers the last Pirates installment – but when he brought Sparrow alive in 2003, it was an audaciously original act. It rightly earned the actor an Oscar nomination (one he should have won) for the way he created a wholly unprecedented protagonist. That fey swagger, that air of constant bewilderment … We never saw a kohl-eyed, rum-badising hero like Captain Jack. Khan, who told the press he wants to forget Sparrow after seeing his character, Firangi, may have taken his own advice to heart and forgotten the majesty of Depp. Firangi is one of Khan's most unremarkable characters, with a line worth remembering.
This is principally why Thugs Of Hindostan sinks. It prioritizes size over smarts, set-pieces over the script. The size, too, is unimpressive, with cardboard-y visual effects, poor rope-physics, haphazard continuity and decks of ships that look too small, but all that could have been forgiven – the $ 41 million budget would not go far in Hollywood if – the film gives us characters worth caring about or laughing with. Set-pieces matter, but adventure films become special because of the lines we end up quoting and the protagonists we cheer for. Instead we have Khan-in-kajal, alongside a gruff and grizzly Bachchan, weighed down by armor and cliche, crying himself hoarse about azaadi.
The girls have it worse. Fatima Sana Shaikh, who was so good in Dangal, plays a princess who does not have a line for the first hour, but is fierce – just, mind you, not proud enough. She's a warrior who repeatedly needs to be rescued, but hey, at least she makes excellent sandcastles. Shaikh does not bring much to one side, and when she does speak, she does not have much to do. Also, there is an upside-down stick figure tattooed on her chin, like someone played Hangman on her face while she was sleeping.
Katrina Kaif is in the other corner. She's a sbady girl who says the word 'bekhauf' correctly, and makes an unsubtle dick joke – she repeats it twice, in case the audience had successfully ignored it – and while she slaps Khan and seems in charge of their dynamic, there are frequent lapses. From time to time she looks suddenly and improbably aroused, like Khan'd been momentarily swapped out for a bottle of mango juice. Kaif shakes his impressive abs with enthusiasm, but the songs are odd. I can not quite get over a scene where Sheikh, without warning, breaks into a song that goes "Baba, Baba," to which Kaif reacts by pirouetting aggressively in sequinned silver shorts, as if channeling a black sheep.
The Spectrum of Old Bollywood Looms Broad Over Thugs Of Hindostan. An old man sings about imli, Sharat Saxena tries to look valiant, Ila Arun plays a medicine woman, while Mohammad Zeeshan Ayub, who plays Khan's man Friday, is literally named Saturday. And then – by the beloved beard of Bob Christo – there are the redcoats, hamming it up. The British villain is easily given the name Clive, and he speaks to his fellow Englishman in Hindi, even when the two are alone and he's saying he'll never understand Indians.
I may be old school, but I believe pirate movies need to have eye-patches. This one does not, and that's a shame. The viewing experience would have been hugely improved. I should have gone in.
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First Published: Nov 08, 2018 14:15 IST
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