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For an outside observer, a perfectionist seems to be endowed with an abundance of good habits: attention to detail, seemingly inexhaustible motivation, desire to achieve high goals. But this projection of perfection could hide a deep and even debilitating distress.
"Perfectionism has a good side, but also a dark side," INSIDER researcher Dr. Jessica Pryor, a psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, told INSIDER. "What's great is this healthy desire to reach high standards and to flourish fully. [But] there comes a time for some people where this important effort becomes an incessant effort and can be really dangerous for their well-being. "
This dark side – known as unsuitable or unhealthy perfectionism – can even lead to depression, anxiety and, in some cases, suicidal thoughts, Pryor explained.
It also seems that young adults today have higher rates of perfectionism than previous generations. A landmark study published in December 2017 badyzed data from more than 40,000 American, British and Canadian students over a 28-year period. He found that levels of perfectionism have increased among youth since 1989.
It's a phenomenon that some researchers of perfectionism have described as an "epidemic" among millennia – and that's something Pryor sees directly in his role as a clinical psychologist.
"Many high achievers work very well, but they focus on the fact that [goals] Pryor added, "And that causes a lot of distress and handicap."
INSIDER has been talking with Pryor about how to spot unhealthy perfectionism and combat it effectively.
Perfectionism can be healthy or unhealthy
Perfectionism is not a bad thing in itself. In fact, most researchers recognize that perfectionism can be a functional personality trait, explained Pryor, provided that individuals retain the ability to bounce back from mistakes.
"When I talk to clients about it, I often refer to high performance athletes and professional athletes. What do they do with errors? They recognize them, learn from them and forget about them, and they can come back the next day and push hard, "said Pryor." There is a bit of resilience from those who demonstrate a healthy perfectionism that helps them to continue to aim for goals without major psychological harm. "
Unhealthy perfectionism is different in a subtle but important way.
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First, Pryor added, unhealthy perfectionists tend to aim for more obscure and unrealistic goals over time, increasing their risk of failure. Second, if they do not achieve these goals, they have trouble bouncing back.
"With this lack of rebound, there is a lot of psychological turmoil," Pryor said. "All or nothing thinks:" I have not achieved this goal accurately, which means that I have failed. "And this leads to an over-generalization of failure to self-esteem."
"[There is] an excessive worry about mistakes, self-criticism, rumination – and that can get out of hand and become depression, anxiety, very intense avoidance behaviors … and eventually suicidal thoughts, "she said. -she adds.
The main studies also highlight these risks. In June, a review of previous evidence, covering more than 11,000 people, revealed that some aspects of perfectionism (such as anxiety about mistakes) are badociated with suicide ideas. And in 2016, a review of 284 studies identified links between perfectionism and various negative outcomes for mental health, including eating disorders, depression, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
There are many ways to detect unhealthy perfectionism
First, unhealthy perfectionism can cause external behavioral changes.
A telling sign is to spend excessive time trying to achieve a particular goal; as an athlete who trains until exhaustion or a student who is studying so long, it exceeds the point where his brain can function properly.
"Individuals will push very hard and for whatever reason, they do not see or ignore the signal that it may be time to take a break," Pryor said. "Individuals with healthy perfectionism will sometimes grow very strong, but they will be able to give themselves permission to stop." The restless perfectionists will continue to move forward.
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Paradoxically, the other major behavioral sign of unhealthy perfectionism is procrastination.
"The unhealthy perfectionists can try to completely avoid tasks," Pryor said. "And it helps them reduce pressure and worry about shame, the need to do things right."
This avoidance can even take the form of self-sabotage, she added.
"In an academic population, maybe students leave to party the day before an exam," Pryor said. "Individuals do things they know that they are going to be doomed, so they do not have to stand the pressure of success or not."
But this type of perfectionist behavior also leads to more subtle internal changes, adds Pryor. Those who suffer from unhealthy perfectionism can spend a lot of time digging through an archive of past mistakes or thinking about how to perform tasks in the future with little or no flaws. This expenditure of mental energy could harm the daily functions.
A handful of studies, for example, have revealed correlations between insomnia and some aspects of perfectionism, such as doubts about past actions.
"These brains go on and on," said Pryor.
Finally, unhealthy perfectionists may experience psychological distress directly related to perceived failures, Pryor explained. Unfortunately, the desire to appear perfect in all aspects of life means that these people often choose not to share their distress with others.
"This is where it can become very dangerous," said Pryor. "Because people choose not to show people these citation flaws without a quote."
Conquer unhealthy perfectionism can be difficult
The problem with inadequate perfectionism is that being a perfectionist – even of the unhealthy type – has undeniable advantages.
"A unique aspect of this is that often, the very perfectionist tendencies that cause [clients] The most painful are the trends that have helped them get where they've been in their careers, "Pryor said," It's a good idea to stay in the library for 72 hours during the final week. your law firm have advantages in thinking that you are the hardest worker. "
According to Pryor, it can be difficult for these people to identify the costs of their behaviors, rather than the positive results.
"This part tends to be really tricky with perfectionists – not wanting to give up the behavior because there is concern that they can not maintain that level of performance without it," Pryor said.
But there are some strategies at home that can help unhealthy perfectionists
First, take the time to badess if your standards could be incredibly high and consider dropping some of them.
"Experiment with the abandonment of excessively high international standards," Pryor said. "For example, I always ask my clients to experiment in places where their capital is less important, and if you do not consider how to become a less perfect lawyer, but you plan to become a dishwasher. less perfect or less perfect groceries? This can be really helpful. "
Then try to focus on the goal process, rather than on the end result. It could mean appreciating everything you've learned as part of your efforts, or giving you permission to celebrate smaller achievements you've had along the way.
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Finally, practice personal compbadion – both in your internal dialogue and perhaps literally, on paper.
"I speak with customers about the self-criticism and the use of a positivity journal. Every day they find out what they are doing well, even imperfectly "said Pryor. "My clients report [that] to be one of the most difficult things that I ask them to do. "
If you try strategies like this and find that you still have difficulty, Pryor recommended that you seek out a mental health professional.
"If you allow a therapist to enter sooner than later, you can develop some of these healthy habits and be proactive about your perfectionist tendencies," she said. "People do not have to suffer alone."
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, or if you have the idea of hurting yourself or committing suicide, ask for help. National Suicide Prevention Policy Line (1-800-273-8255) provides free, confidential support to people in distress, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, as well as best practices for professionals and resources to help with prevention and crisis situations.
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