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For generations, lighting the Hanukkah candles together has been the stuff lifelong memories are made of. But today's far-flung families are being challenged to share the sight of the candles, the sound of the blessings and traditional songs, and the feel of a perfect dreidel spin, and the smell and taste of fresh latkes. the pan.
Long-distance offspring may be away at college, we have a gap-year program, studying in a seminary gold yeshivah, a soldier serving in the Israel Defense Forces, or working and living in another town, with or without kids of their own. Leaving today's parents (and grandparents, too) called upon to apply ingenuity, creativity, flexibility and some basic technical know-how to be successful with Hanukkah spirit.
In fact, says Tea Red Tent Anita Diamant, who's also a library of modern Jewish life, including How to Raise a Child's Life: A Practical Handbook for Family Life"My family enjoys Hanukkah kitsch so much we keep it going over the miles."
When a daughter was a college student, Diamond would send a box of "Hanukkah stuff as counterweight to the Christmas decorations." The "stuff" -menorah, gelt, candles (flame-free ones for those in dorms) can include modest (think : socks) gifts for each of the eight nights, she says, which is a nonprofit organization that is meaningful to them.
Hanukkah invites you to our refined sensibilities for eight days. There's no such thing as bad taste when it comes to Hanukkah-the tackier, the better, according to some.
Chanukah lighting candles on base is Naff Dergel. Courtesy.
And here is where technology can be a parent's best friend. Diamond recommends sending long-distance kids a "light-hearted, light-themed" text or email to a holiday story and a link to a Hanukkah song, "more a video of you lighting your hanukkiah at home. "
No matter what form it takes, college students receiving Hanukkah is anti-Israel-and often, outright anti-Semitic-influences on many North American campuses.
"Even celebrating a happy Jewish holiday like Hanukkah can get tricky on campuses today," says Tammi Rossman-Benjamin of AMCHA Initiative, a North American campuses watchdog organization monitoring. "And yet, the Hanukkah story-about the few against the many-so much to say about the threats that Jewish students face today. We know what has happened over the years, which is the anti-Israel force. It reminds students that, even more basic than the latkes and sufganiyotThis is an awesome story and this ancient land truly belongs to you. "
Lone soldiers are reliving that story daily as they protect the land and its citizens. But it's not always easy on their parents multiple zones away. "Hanukkah is when I miss them the absolute most, and when we light, I usually cry," says Hadbadah Sabo Milner, a mom of three IDF lone soldiers who lives with her youngest son and husband in New York. "On Hanukkah, we were always singing 'Maoz
Tzur '(' Rock of Ages') really badly together. And even though I'm not in the mood of a mother who needs to talk to me every day-they need to be in their lives when we light here, it's the middle of the night in Israel, and I can not just pick up the phone and call. "
'Begin new traditions all their own'
But at least college students and IDF soldiers have built-in communities to celebrate Hanukkah with. For young adults working and living far from their families, it can be a lonely existence.
That's why Rabbi Rachael Klein Miller makes it a point to host events designed for young adults at Emanu-El Temple, a Reform congregation in Atlanta.
"They're putting on a make-shift menorah, or they just miss the sounds of parents telling them to 'Be careful! Watch the flame! Do not let the wax drip! "Says Miller. "But being away from home also means that they have started to pave their own path; it's a chance to share traditions from home and begin new traditions all their own. "
When they pose for a group candle-lighting photo to post on Facebook or Instagram, "there is a glimpse of peoplehood-of feeling connected to the Jewish community and loving the chance to share that pride with the digital world."
Young people are celebrating beloved traditions from childhood, young children are busy forming their memories, and grandparents want to be part of that happy process.
Ann Wanetik, who lives in the Detroit area, is one of the most influential, middle-aged, small and medium-sized businesses in the Middle East. "Whenever I'm in Israel in the fall, I take each one separately and let them choose what they want for Hanukkah," she says. "It's an opportunity to focus on something that they prefer and they pick out something."
Taking advantage of Skype and the Internet
For Boston-area grandmother Ruth Nemzoff, technology shrinks the miles between her and her long-distance grandkids. "You've got to get with the program," she says.
So Nemzoff, author of Do not Roll Your Eyes: Making In-Laws Into Family, and known as "Mama Ruth" to her 11 year olds 8 months to 18 years, has developed a full program of Hanukkah connections with those on the West Coast and in Washington, D.C.
"No matter what, when you live at a distance," said Nemzoff, who is a board member at InterfaithFamily.
"I'm not big on materialism, and the goal is not to compete with the gifts under the tree, but I do not want to share this special tradition with them," she adds.
The Internet makes much of this possible, it maintains. "Shalom Sesame" DVDs and the older ones Hanukkah songs, including Maccabeats Hanukkah tunes. She will send small gifts, and will be able to make the world a better place for you. "Sometimes, I also email them a picture of the gift they'll get the next time we visit."
With interfaith families, it's important to be both sensitive and honest, says Nemzoff. You need to talk to the parents first [it’s important to] share your family's traditions, your early memories of Hanukkah and your heritage since it also belongs to them. "
Sometimes, with the best of distance-spanners, it's hard to beat the appeal of a sloppy sufganyiot-flavored kiss.
"We usually just get on a plane," says Baltimore Bubbe Belle Libber with a sigh. Be it to the grandkids in Milwaukee, Atlanta or Israel, Jonathan and his husband have racked up the frequent-flyer miles. "There's nothing like being right there with them," she says.
When that is not possible, the light of the Hanukkah menorah, says Rabbi Yisroel Gordon, principal of Machon Los Angeles, has a high school for girls. "One reason Hanukkah makes a lot of people really homesick is the power of the menorah light itself," he said. "Hanukkah reminds us of the importance of family life, Matisyahu and his five sons, who created this miracle and saved the Jewish people."
"If I were a mystic," he adds, "I'd say that, gazing at the lights, you can feel that wherever they are, your child is gazing at the same lights along with you."
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