Jay-Z should forget the NFL and buy a Popeyes franchise

Among the myriad possible metaphors for the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich craze of 2019 – I'll tell my kids when they will ask how the United States voted for Donald Trump – which I prefer, that's what I'm saying. is that the sandwich represents paradise. The queue of the sandwich? It's life on Earth. Those who take their sandwiches immediately? The fair. Those who, after buying the sandwich, have to wait on a separate line for the order to be ready? It is a purgatory. And the unfortunate queues but learn that there are no more sandwiches? Well, I hope that they have packed light clothes.

The theory has holes, of course. Because of people online who just want chicken fillets or shrimp? Are they agnostic? Atheists? Kappas? And if the sandwich is paradise, is Popeyes God? (Or is God Louisiana's kitchen?) And where does Chick-fil-A go? For the pagans, it's a paradise, but it's really Arkansas? (Probably.)

I do not know. I know that since I've eaten and written on the sandwich two weeks ago, my stomach has not been right since. I thought I might need to drink Prepopik. But now I think I just have to go to church.

Anyway, the craze for Popeyes chicken sandwiches – and the ensuing war against chicken sandwiches in fast food restaurants – has been a good palate cleaner with increasingly weird conversations about Jay-Z's relationship with the NFL. As for the league, Colin Kaepernick and capitalism, I did not know that many people sincerely believe that Jay is their God or their father. I want to say, The master plan It was a great album. one that I still strike today. That's what I hum everytime I go to Whole Foods. That was, if I may say so, the popeyes chicken sandwich of rap albums. But it was not enough for some of you to take this trick J-HOVA Literally.

Unfortunately, the Hovteps' their father's dream of owning an NFL team will have to wait, as it has been reported that rumors that he would soon own a franchise share were false. It could still happen someday. But this day will not be tomorrow.

In fact, I do not think it's terrible news. Because now he can aim for something smaller. Something without the same invading mess that engulfs it. Something that brings less joy to CTE for millions of people every Sunday. Jay-Z should buy a Popeyes franchise.

OK OK OK OK. I know what you think. It could never work because the Carters are vegan-ish now. But buying a franchise does not mean that they have to actually eat The. And even if they did, a quick reading of the Popeyes menu shows delusional vegan options. There is some rice. And there is water. And there is … well, that's enough. Pai Mei from Kill Bill had survived only rice and water, and he would have lived forever if She had not poisoned him.

But just think of the cultural, economic and metaphysical benefits of this event. If you can trust Jay-Z enough to believe that he will get a job for Kaepernick, you can surely trust him to determine the way for Popeyes to never miss sandwiches. It's a light job. No more lines. No more purgatory. How much softer would these first bites be now? In addition, these millions of sandwiches will be in the hands of black owners instead of the family of Popeyes chicken (presumably white), and is there a darker way to "stuff the hood" than by the fried chicken?

And all those rappers now underemployed on the Roc-A-Fella lineup? Boom! Jobs now. Chris and Neef? Street Marketing. Peedi Crakk? Cash Supervisor. Memphis Bleek? Store manager. And no, it does not help Colin Kaepernick to return to the league, but Hov can stop pretending to care, and focus only on the effectiveness of chicken and hair care products. I do not see anything but win here.

Anyway, if you do not agree, that's fine, I suppose. Live your life. Do not just block my blessings, too.