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It was a tailor-made story for Jimmy Kimmel, who never shied away from his outright hatred of Ted Cruz. And Thursday night, he spent most of his monologue about the Texas senator for fleeing his frigid and devastated home state for what ended up being a short-lived Cancun getaway.
“On behalf of all of us, we extend our best wishes from LA to those of you who have been cold stricken,” the late night host began sincerely. “Hundreds of thousands of Texans are still without power. And one day when the most interesting landing should have been the NASA Rover that managed to land on Mars, it was instead a senator from Texas who landed in Cancun.
“As his fellow Texans froze with the loss of power, Ted Cruz did what any great leader would do when his state needed leadership the most,” Kimmel continued. “He booked a flight to Mexico and said, ‘Adios, amigos! “”
From there, he described how bad the situation is on the ground in Texas, where the roads are impassable, the toilets are frozen, and people are burning their furniture to keep warm. “And where was Mr. Texas while his constituents were in pain?” Kimmel asked. “Well, there he is, snake on a plane right there!” Pointed, ironically, to the very spot where he tried to build a wall.
At first, Kimmel explained, he wasn’t sure the photos appearing on social media were actually the senator from Texas “or just a man with a terrible disease called” looking like Ted Cruz. ”
“But, I didn’t want to post until I knew for sure it was him,” he said. So my wife spent two whole hours studying pictures last night, matching pictures of her shoes, her mask, her wedding ring. It was like I was in bed with Sherlock Holmes.
Eventually, reporters began to confirm that it was him on the flight. “So he loads his family on a plane out of town and unfortunately he’s been on TV kissing Trump’s ass for so long and for so long that everyone even recognizes him with a mask on.” , Kimmel said. “They’re posting all these pictures of him and there’s so much backlash, he has no choice but to book a flight home right away.”
“Hypocrisy is out of the ordinary!” he added. “He’s the guy who criticized the mayor of Austin two months ago for going to Mexico.” But that was not all. Kimmel also called out Cruz for mocking Governor Gavin Newsom for being “unable to perform even basic civilization functions, like having reliable electricity” and attacked Chris Christie for going to the New Jersey beach that he had ordered to close.
“But why settle for being the biggest hypocrite on the planet when you can be a world class liar too?” the host asked, before meticulously breaking down the initial statement in which Cruz blamed his two young daughters for the whole debacle.
“With school canceled for the week, our daughters asked to take a trip with friends,” said Cruz. “Wanting to be a good father, I went down with them last night and am coming back this afternoon.
“Now he was careful not to say he was planning to come home this afternoon because he wasn’t,” Kimmel explained. “He just said he did, and in fact NBC News has a source that says he was originally booked to come home on Saturday. He booked his return ticket at 6 a.m. this morning after being arrested. But I guess we were supposed to believe he was accompanying his wife and kids to Mexico and planning to come back the next day… with a carry-on stuffed like a piñata.
The host also took a moment to poke fun at people who were excusing Cruz’s lies, such as “an idiot” named “Dinesh De-Douche-a,” who tweeted, “What could @tedcruz do if he was here in Texas? I find it hard to say. If he’s in Cancun, that means he’s not using up precious energy, food, and water resources that can now be used by someone else. It’s probably the best thing he can do for the state right now.
“And over 10,000 people ‘liked’ this statement!” Kimmel exclaimed. “What a country this is.”
But since “for the most part no one was buying that back to work story,” he said, “Ted decided to sort of clean up,” admitting the trip was a “mistake” and that ‘he had interrupted him due to the reaction. “He also claimed that his struggle to become the greatest father in the world put him in a position that he realized was not good just hours too late.
Speaking to reporters in front of his house on his return, Cruz declared that he “had started to have doubts almost the moment” he had sat on the plane.
“Yes, as soon as people started posting pictures of him on the plane, he looked up and knew he shouldn’t be on the plane,” Kimmel replied. “How did he think he was going to get away with this?” You know your judgment is terrible when this haircut is just the third worst decision you’ve made this month.
“At least her vacation was ruined,” Kimmel concluded before urging viewers to text “ABC 13” to 41444 to donate money for relief in Texas.
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