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When you apologize, when you really feel remorse for what you have done, you are not lying.
You don’t turn.
You don’t turn on the gas.
You own it, ask for forgiveness and, if necessary, work to mend the barriers with those you have hurt.
It is not easy; we’re not saying that’s the case. But that’s the right thing to do.
And yet, on Friday, Las Vegas Raiders head coach Jon Gruden used spin and gaslighting to try to explain the email he sent in 2011 that used tired, racist language to Describe the executive director of the NFL Players Association, DeMaurice Smith. Gruden was working with ESPN at the time.
Part of a treasure trove of more than 650,000 emails that the NFL has begun to examine as part of its investigation into the misogynist culture that has permeated the offices of the Washington football team for years, The Wall Street Journal reported that Gruden wrote about Smith:
“Dumboriss Smith has lips the size of Michellin [sic] tires.
Insulting the intelligence of blacks is as old as slavery. When you repeat over and over again that black people just aren’t smart, it’s easier to justify their possession and have them do your job for you or face brutal punishment or death. Once you can no longer own them, you continue to use that lie to justify the myriad of systemic laws in place meant to keep them as second class citizens.
In the height of the Jim Crow era of the 20th century, anti-black images that exaggerated the size of black lips were prevalent in everything from advertisements for pancake mixes to ashtrays, the caricature often highlighted by painting the lips in bright red.
When first contacted by The Wall Street Journal about the email, Gruden said he didn’t remember writing it, but said, “I’m so sorry. ”
If he had stopped there, he would have done the right thing: admit his mistake. Then he could have turned his attention to black players in the Raiders’ locker room and black assistant coaches and front-office executives for the franchise.
But he didn’t stop.
He turned. He was ambiguous. And worst of all, he tried to turn on the gas, believing the rest of us to be Boo Boo the Fools who would just take his lie for the truth.
Gruden told the WSJ he was angry when he wrote the email over the NFL lockdown and the direction players were taking under Smith’s leadership in negotiations with the owners. of the league.
(Maybe Gruden doesn’t know exactly what a lockout is, so let’s help: the owners kicked the players out, Jon. The players didn’t strike, they were kicked out. locked out. Team owners kept them away.)
Gruden told the WSJ and athletics that he was upset because of the social unrest, but why? He was not a coach at the time, had not coached for three years. And even though he was a coach at the time, the players have a union. While we can quibble over the effectiveness of the NFLPA, the union is there to protect their interests and negotiate on their behalf when it is time to craft a collective agreement.
It has a strong “shut up and play for fun” vibes, but maybe it’s just us.
Gruden also pulled out the old line “I don’t have a racist bone in my body,” which, ugh. As far as we know, scientists have yet to find any racist bones in a human’s body, so can we remove this one?
The worst part, however, is the gas lighting around her lips. Gruden goes with the story he tells people have “rubber lips” when he suspects they’re lying, which is a new term for those eyes, but let’s believe that part is true.
“Rubber lips” and “his lips are as big as Michelin tires” are very different things. Trying to convince us that they are not is gas lighting. Gruden directly targeted Smith’s appearance as a means of insult and derogation using an anti-black trope.
If he thought Smith was a liar or someone he didn’t trust, he could have said so. Instead, he used a sophomoric mutilation of Smith’s first name to paint him like an idiot and added a second fanatic insult for good measure.
If he had just apologized, it could have been faster. But like Urban Meyer earlier this week, arbitrarily dragging his No.1 rookie quarterback into his own mess, Gruden likely faces a lot more locker room repair work because he couldn’t just do the right thing and recognize his mistake.
No amount of gas lighting or equivocation can save it.
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