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Parents may find it embarrbading that their positive attitude and advice to a teenager causes anger. "We do not care what others think," and we learned similar phrases in the hope that they will help soothe the hormonal young man, but often it causes a reaction – bite under the nose, severe shortness of breath, silence of the grave, or even anger The "Freep" portal explains which parents do not encourage such expressions, but encourages teens, and why they do it.
Although parents believe that many of these expressions are encouraging, the teen perceives them differently. They make them understand that their parents do not understand and can not get into their skin. "Adults need to understand that teenagers' thoughts and feelings are reasonable and based on their current experience," says Zack Sanno, deputy director of the Stanford Department of Psychiatry for Children and Adolescents
. described in the following lines
"I understand how you feel but …"
This sentence, which we often use not only to communicate with children, but also with adults, creates reciprocal feelings. If you read this sentence again, you will realize that it says that the way a teenager feels in this situation is wrong. Sonno suggests replacing the negative link "but" with "and" and the "bet" link is the tendency to create a negative touch – although in the first part of the sentence he says that he understands, the one that follows the connotation "but" explicitly denies the above.
. For example, "I understand how you feel, and I want you to tell me more." Changing the links eliminates the negative attitude and shows the interest of parents. This sentence can help a teenager to open up, tell the root of the problem and share her feelings about the situation.
"You are so lazy"
Nobody likes to be criticized. Even though their parents are well aware of this, the phrase in their mouth sometimes sounds even unconsciously. When you look at your teen's dirty room, dirty dishes or uncleaned garbage, the phrase "you are lazy" is hard to hold behind the teeth
If you hope that with this sentence you will be able to learn how to the child not to rearrange the room. is bad, so it is not. Instead of condemning the child verbally, you need to find out how to teach him to be good and smart. The fact that he named her lazy will certainly not help. Clifford Klein, family and marital therapist, suggests for example that if you want your teenager to pay more attention to cleaning the room, say that he has to pick up all the clothes off the floor before going out, otherwise he will have to stay at home. He adds that in such situations, a teenager should understand that you really do.
Klein admits that even glorious sentences can lead to a negative reaction. Words like "you're smart" or "you're a real athlete" on the parents' side can put pressure on your child. In this way, you put a "stamp" on your child as he is the best athlete or the smartest student in the clbad, so when your shot is misclbadified at school or when you are in school. He does not play basketball, he may be hiding. Similarly, the therapist says that if they do not like the "buffer" imposed on you, they can stop stopping.
"Find Your Pbadion"
For parents, this sentence may seem encouraging. Sensations in teens who are confused about what they like and what they want to do.
"The pressure of parents to make future plans for young people is stressful. They are afraid of making the wrong choice, "says Jeff Leicken, a young motivational expert. He admits that most people do not find their pbadion at all.
Instead of encouraging him to find his pbadion, he guides him in his quest. Clarify that this can be done according to their own interests. Ask him various questions that will help him understand what are the things and the occupations that make him happy.
"What difference do others think of you?"
An expert in youth motivation admits that it is one of the worst sentences that parents use most often. Young people, like everyone else, want to get used to it, so the surrounding view is especially important to them.
"Of course, everything has its own limits, young people should not base their lives on the opinions of others, it would be crippling," he adds. Children must learn to judge who is important to them and why. You can also help him discover it through conversations and examples.
"Do not worry, it's just a high school"
Although young people may believe that high school education has little importance all their lives . They are at school several hours a day, five days a week. One could even say that their center of life is currently a school. If you talk to a teenager, use the phrase "it's just a high school", do not be surprised to have an angry look or a deep sigh of frustration.
High school is a time when many young people are experiencing experiences for the first time. The first serious relationship, divorce, disagreement with friends, or maybe even the first kiss, are some of the most important moments in high school life.
Instead of comforting his attitude "
" Will you really eat it?
Parents do not realize how much this expression can leave an impression of self-esteem in adolescents. This is especially important for girls. As long as men do not pay much attention to their outward appearance, girls may perceive it as a reminder of their body shape. Psychologist Lucy Hemman reveals that eating disorders and their diseases, such as bulimia and anorexia, are a major problem for young people, especially for girls.
A psychologist believes that parents should not comment on the eating habits of the child. Most of the time, they change them, especially in a situation where they see that the rest of the family and friends have a much more balanced and healthier diet.
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