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Lily Allen remembers her opening act on Miley Cyrus’ “Bangerz” tour in 2014 as a low point. So low, in fact, that that’s when she realized she needed rehab.
“It was a very, very sexualized tour. And, you know, I’ve just spent the last three years pushing babies, ”said Allen, 35. Recovery Podcast. “It couldn’t have been less how I felt. And also I had never, ever supported anyone. So I was going into that phase of being a pop star again, but I’m not doing it on my terms anymore. I was supporting this much younger and more attractive girl than I felt. And I just started playing all kinds of ways.
At the time, Allen, who is seven years older than Cyrus, was married to her first husband, with whom she had two daughters and a stillborn son. She had hit the road again because she needed the money, even though she felt too heavy after her whole body had gone through. She had already become addicted to Adderall in an attempt to lose weight. The situation worsened during the tour.
“I started, like, cheating on my husband, and I had always drunk alcohol to get rid of the drugs, then I realized that I would get up in the morning and go straight to the mini. bar and I was drinking those little, mini bottles of vodka or whiskey or whatever was left and drug free, ”Allen said. “And I was like, ‘Oh, well, I think I have a drinking problem.’ And I remember being in Los Angeles and just thinking, ‘None of these things are working anymore. Maybe I should try heroin. ”
The “Smile” singer already knew it was a dark path, having grown up being the daughter of Keith Allen and Alison Owen, famous designers in their native England.
“I had been in a scene, you know, where I saw what happened to people who use heroin and knew that when that thought came to my mind, it was about time – you know – to face my demons, ”Allen said. “And that was about five years ago. And I started to recover.
Allen got clean but quickly relapsed.
“And then at six months I started drinking again and almost instantly I lost everything. I lost my marriage, I lost my house that, you know, I had worked for 10 years to buy. My career started to sink. And I lost all my friends. I didn’t have any of my friendships anymore, ”Allen said. “I was so resentful, so angry all the time. I really felt like the world owed me stuff and I kind of had the rough end of it. And yeah, it lasted another four years, then I found myself [recovery] again.”
She also ended up divorcing Sam Cooper, with whom she shares her daughters Ethel and Marnie, in 2018 (Allen was open about her infidelity during the relationship.) Two years later, she married. Strange things actor David Harbor.
“I think it’s giving up more than anything,” Allen said of his sobriety. “And acceptance and gratitude. I’m not great at my Step job and at the moment I don’t have a sponsor, but I’m grateful [list] everyday. I wake up in the morning and make my gratitude list. And I try to make my gratitude list before I go to bed too, every night. And I feel like it’s really keeping me under control, and the meetings, you know. Go to meetings regularly. “
The singer said that she is in a good situation now, that her happiness no longer depends on whether her song reaches the top of the charts or that she has to prove her worth to people.
“It’s really great, and I think, more than anything, I feel like I’m breaking this cycle. [of addiction]Allen said. “I felt so guilty that I neglected my kids in those early years of their lives and had to go on tour and behave badly like I was. You know, I have a really great relationship with my kids now. I’m there to pick them up from the school gates as soon as I can be and drop them off in the morning, and cook dinner for them. They come to me when they have problems. And it’s, it’s gold for me. I just feel like they’re confident little girls, and I don’t want to, you know – touch wood – they’re not going to become drug addicts like me. But, you know, they seem to be on the right track.
She described her relationship with Harbor, which has been sober for about 20 years, as “really happy” and “really healthy”.
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