I do not like working, I feel worse than others, I can not be myself

I got up, I set it up, I got ready, but I got into the bed I realized that I would not be able to work at work today. I am 24 years old, I have a well paid office job for over a year and I have blindfolded.

It seems to me that after a year of self-research and after unsuccessful attempts, I must finally live and I should enjoy it. But, frankly, I can say that in life I did not feel so unlucky.

I had difficulties in my childhood. The parents divorced when I was 11 years old, living with my mother rather with difficulty. The money was just food for what you said about the clothes. But my friends have always had. In older clbades, I found a job, so after school, I started working and making life easier for my family. Although parents live separately, I respect both of them and I will not interact with them.

After graduating from school, I entered college twice and I went both to study. Although my mother strongly supported me, I always lived what the father and the parents would say. I went abroad for the second time.

I told everyone that I was going to work for a while, but only later, but, in fact, I had no plan. I just wanted to escape and start my life from scratch. I found my job abroad and I spent almost 3 years now.

I loved the work, even though it was difficult and not very well paid, I had excellent collaborators and bosses who promised me promotion. Later, I realized that there would be no promotion, but I was stuffed with jobs just because I could and wanted to work. Eventually, I realized that I had to change jobs and life in general. And now I am where I am.

During the years that I am abroad, I have no relatives here and I have lost all my close friends in Lithuania. Sometimes we will share, but they already have their lives and we will never be together as before. I had the only boyfriend in my life with whom we were friends for only a few months, divorced when I changed jobs.

I was closed. It's hard to write about how I feel, even though I try to spread as much as I can. I am surrounded by people who feel free between themselves, they rejoice, talk, laugh, and I feel like they are locked in chains with inner knitters. I felt feeling during my studies, why I thought about it. I know I'm weak, maybe selfish, but whoever does not know the same thing will not understand.

I really tried to find the strength to endure it, but everything went off for weeks. I'm afraid now that it's repeating itself, this time it's even worse. I'm alone now. I do not want to trust people. The people closest to me are a mother and a brother with whom I communicate almost every day, but they are not close. I do not want to throw everything away, but where can I find the strength to fight? Why do not I like work that is many times better, easier, better paid than the past? Why do I feel worse than others? Why can not I open, be myself, just be? …

I feel that my thoughts have collapsed and I just can not help everything. Thank you for noting it, and sorry if I take your time. This has already helped me because I wrote this because I was so open for the first time to someone who did not know it. Thank you

Comments of the psychologist Palmira Diržienė:

Hello,

Thank you for seeking help to share what really hurts you, share the most sensitive and painful experiences. This is brave. Do not be further damaged because you agree to make it public. Thank you I have often read your very sincere and torn letter that you wrote when you no longer had the power to survive your own suffering.

An unpleasant childhood made you angry, empowered, made you take responsibility not only for yourself but also for the financial well-being of the family, forced time to look at the world of the eyes of the family. 39, an adult. You noticed what was missing in the family, but we recognized these disadvantages as the livelihood and inevitability with which we needed to live, we had to come to terms with that. It took money – you went to work, you did not understand, you did not go either. No job scared However, as you write, you have always had friends, you do not feel alone.

Your parents divorced, but the relationship with them remained close and respectful. Mom always supported you, supported your decision. Nothing in the letter mentioned the father's position, but you have an important opinion of him and his family about you, your choices, your decisions about your life. Always wanted to remain a positive, strong, good girl to all loved ones, to meet their expectations.

You could not go wrong, you could not rest, you had to be like everyone else. And I thought I was tired of that. Tired of living for others because of reports about your life to all your loved ones. And where are you in this place? Tired of wanting to meet the standards of society, you wanted to escape and escape. Return physically away from your loved ones, but not from yourself.

Be young, have the right to seek your vocation, your professional direction, your lifestyle. The fact that you did not like the studio and the mothers did not show your weakness. It's your decision and you must respect it in the way you respect the choices of your parents and loved ones. We all have our own roads and find them, far, not immediately. You are an adult and a very independent girl. You have the right to decide how to live and work for you.

At the moment, you work and study, you have no work, you can manage your material life in Lithuania and abroad. Perfectly agree with people, but notice that too much confidence disappoints your expectations.

All your best friends, who you trusted, who were the greatest support of your life, stayed in Lithuania. With a guy who was a close friend – you separate. There are no close people to count on, when you have trouble enjoying good things. Stay out, feelings of loneliness, the absence of people close to you, you have been thrilled, broke. To lose the joy of living, to close.

The most important thing in life is the good, the sincere, the close relationship with the people with whom you can be who takes you as you are. Right now, it is difficult, painful and can not tell your problems to others, because it is not close to the person in whom you trust who you can open your heart to. From childhood, striving to be strong and independent with all your might, you did not want to endure other people, dear people, your troubles. Sometimes you are weak, sometimes selfish, let yourself be flawed, erroneous and tired. Maybe people in your environment do not even notice that it's hard for you if you do not show it.

Communicate closely with my mother, my brother. Do they know how hard you feel it is for you? Share your experiences and feelings. The friends stayed in Lithuania, but they are, they have not gone, only far away, the form of communication has changed. Talk to them about your problems. If you can not share your experiences with yourself – write on paper, search, find yourself.

You have accomplished a great deal and, in writing, you do not want to throw everything away. Do not like work that is lighter, better, better paid. Do you give what you do not like at work? Maybe it's a job that does not fit all your expectations, your values?

Feel worse than others, you can not open yourself, you can not be yourself. Maybe you had painful lessons when you were when you were open? Are you afraid of the surrounding criticism? Think about what could happen at worst if you let yourself be yourself? What makes you do not trust yourself? Practice the way you feel best about what the heart is saying to you, do not overload yourself.

The feeling of loneliness, the desire to respond to the expectations of others and, I think, overwhelming physics, are very tired. Never mentioned your rest. Have you ever had a vacation? When you read the letter, you have the impression that you live without stop, without rest, total exhaustion and when your body starts to hit, you have to stop and turn to yourself, listen to your needs. Continued tension and overload can lead to serious health problems, burnout. Listen to yourself and name what you want most. Maybe you could find some time after work to find a hobby for your favorite activities. Make sure to rest well every day. If there is a chance, ask for a vacation.

Evaluate your efforts, rejoice at your achievements, your perseverance. You can learn a lot from yourself. Arise and agree with yourself, accept yourself tired, doubtful, with weakness. And let yourself be what you are.

If you find that you have difficulty managing your problems, I recommend that you contact the health professionals. Love it and protect yourself, be happy with yourself, You are worth it.