Matt James and the most exciting season yet

We are getting hot.

Walking Thirst Trap Matt James has taken the reins as America’s Sexiest Man for the next several months with the start of Season 25 of “The Bachelor.”

And his daughters are pissed off: looks like it’s going to be the most exciting season in Bachelor history. One of the contestants brought Matt a vibrator, another made a scorching “WAP” reference. One of them got out of the limo in lacy lingerie and asked Matt to pick out his dress. Someone called him dad in a promo. We love to see it.

Despite being on the cold East Coast (Bachelor Mansion has temporarily moved to a luxury resort in Pennsylvania), this season seems spiced with drama. And luckily for us, that comes just 13 days after the finale of “The Bachelorette”.

Here’s what happened the first night.

Meet Matt

Unless you follow Tyler Cameron – Matt’s best friend – on Instagram, most longtime viewers didn’t know Matt until tonight. He is biracial and was raised by a single mother in North Carolina. He played football at Wake Forest University, lives in New York City, and volunteers with children. He’s the first black bachelor in history, and it weighs on him: “I don’t want to piss off black people, I don’t want to piss off white people,” he told Chris Harrison.

Meet the ladies

Thirty-two women have quarantined themselves for weeks and underwent four COVID-19 tests in hopes of sharing droplets with Matt. There have been some real winners, like Mari: “Have you ever met someone and you just don’t know what to say?” Matt said after he left. Magi came from Ethiopia to be part of the series.

Chelsea wore the hell out of her dress.

Many clashed in an apparent competition for the most absurd names – looking at you, Pieper, Khaylah and Kali. But it’s a love competition, no misplaced vowels. In this column, we focus on the schticks performed to get Matt’s attention:

• Anna brought him a survival kit with real “red flags” to wave at the women.
• Khaylah, who is from North Carolina like Matt, arrived in a van.
• Alicia, a ballerina from New York, danced to get out of the limo.
• Alana brought spaghetti and gave her a “The Lady and the Tramp” kiss.
• Time walked in a lace bra and panties. Matt helped her choose between two dresses. “Shit,” he said as she walked away. “You must love a woman with confidence.”
• MJ tried to get into a pizza delivery car with a pie in hand but got locked.
• Katie brought Matt a vibrator “because it got him through the pandemic.”
• Kimberly brought a big fish and threw it at Matt for some reason I don’t understand.
• “Queen” Victoria was carried on a throne and wore a tiara – then she fell while walking up the steps.

The cocktail

By way of introduction, Matt led his ladies in prayer instead of toasting their trip. Then the women went into a “can I steal it for a second” war. God bless them.

He chatted with Sarah about how he struggles with expectations to be perfect. When Mari told her that her family in Puerto Rico were dealing with hurricanes, Katie and her vibrator took a break.

Khaylah continued to milk the advantage of her hometown, sharing a toast of sweet tea with her man. “Princess” Kit tried the same strategy, gifting her a New York-themed snow globe – though Queen V ousted her and then pestered some women for not spending time alone with Matt yet. I’m going to take a risk and say this one isn’t here to make friends. She works overtime to edit the villain.

Bri and Matt are related from their similar upbringing: she is also biracial and was raised by separated parents.

The first (real) kiss

But it was Abigail who stole his heart: after revealing that she is partially deaf and has cochlear implants, Matt was honored to open up to him.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her and they kissed.

The first pink impression

No surprise, this one also went to Abigail.

The rose ceremony

A bunch of really solid women have roses like Bri, Mari, Chelsea, and Kristin. But * collective moan * Victoria had one too. At least we know ahead of time who’s there just to stir up trouble in the house – but they usually don’t come beyond week five.

Prediction

I think the first face-to-face will go to someone who caught Matt’s attention but didn’t spend a lot of time with him tonight, like Chelsea. But the promos showed more women were coming in and lots and lots of crying, a real mess in the making of producers. Buckle up your belt.