How to organize a burial as much as possible yourself – Amsterdam No.1 magazine

One day in the spring, sunlight was filtered through light green leaves and in the pre-jumped meadow foals we took my dead mother home. She was lying in a wicker basket that we had found in a nearby company, and we later realized that she had adjusted the braided chair that she liked to sit before she had it. is suddenly taken to a retirement home.

Every year in the Netherlands about 135 000 people die, last year even 150 000, the funeral industry is flourishing. My mother was 86 years old and so lucky; one in five Dutchmen do not even receive a pension, like my brother, who had cancer at the age of 49. He was a director of a company; by the time he saw his end approaching he came up with a script. "Typical dad", also found his children, he kicked his wishes as much as possible. The funeral director could supervise, my husband resumed his duties

This is how I acquired experience in the funeral services. In Spain, they can do it naturally; There, the villagers take the casket on their shoulders and you wonder what celebrity is dead, so many people are streaming. And then it turns out that Paco is just around the corner. But we can do it nowadays too. At the beginning of the service of my uncle, blacksmith who died after a full life where he transferred the family business to the fifth generation, a man stepped forward and rolled up his sleeves he had worked fifty years for my uncle. He put on gloves with caps, took a hammer from one – now I saw him, tilted under the pulpit was an anvil from the forge. While the church organ was using Händel's Harmonious Blacksmith, the man began pounding rhythmically. The terrestrial sound related to music directed upwards. When my aunt and her children entered the church, I realized that I was living something unmistakable.

What you must do and what you can do

Legally obliged after a death in the Netherlands: by a doctor. This document is mandatory to report the death to the municipality.

Also mandatory: at a burial or cremation, the body must be placed in an enclosure whose equipment may perish or be cremated.

The last care of a deceased person can be done by the parents

The elevation can be done at home it does not happen. There are no rules for that. [19659002] The transport of the deceased is authorized with any means of transport.

A list of all that is needed for the funeral is on uitvaart.nl, with details on the takeoff. It is difficult to find in the site, so the full link: www.uitvaart.nl/uitgelicht/kosten-van-een-uitvaart/een-uitvaart-zonder-uitvaartondernemer

On Nibud.nl is a Uitvaartberekenaar. The burial is more expensive than cremation. A typical burial costs 7500 euros, but usually more. Marieke Henselmans describes how much cheaper it can be in her book Do not Be Struggle Through Trade.

At the time of my mother's death, I was at home in Amsterdam. Just before returning to Drenthe, where she lived with my dad, it was said that a funeral director was already engaged. I thought it was a shame, I would rather have chosen one of the caring women I had found on the internet. At this funeral director, I had already been home to then have a glimpse of his well-being. He lived in a village surrounded by old and future customers, so he felt a certain embarrassment. "From the outside, we prefer not to show what we have, so we always take a new kitchen."

Because my mother had been in a retirement home for several weeks, I had time to find out more. On uitvaart.nl were all sorts of tips for a funeral without a funeral director, which I hoped to perform a number. The farewell rituals may have become more personal, but our sadness is well deserved. It was therefore important to keep the family councils at the time. The only option was at 10 am on Sunday because an appointment had been made with the contractor before 11 pm. We had an hour, a precious hour and maybe even three quarters of an hour – in the North, people often want to arrive at the time.

The price of the handmade basket was eight hundred euros, we were all very happy

My dad could not do much and I am the eldest child. I took the lead this morning. We made a joint decision on each issue on uitvaart.nl. My father was holding an iPad with another gift to quickly find something. If there was a point too long or if nonessential subjects were discussed, I intervened.

When the member of the funeral home arrived – and yes, he was early – he found a group of united people. His file with photos of boxes interested us only moderately; Due to the pre-work on the iPad, we discovered that you could order boxes yourself and that they would then cost half. And no, thank you, we did not have to look at these funeral cards either.

[1945900319459007Howdoyouprovidebudgetfunerals? Please choose a box with a scratch

The price of the basket in hand was eight hundred euros, we were all very happy with it. The family artist drew a map with a drawing of the red van in which my parents were so happy, thirty-five years old they walked in vans. My father did not want us to print the map ourselves, and as his opinion counted the most, we respected that. The funeral director, who by the way was understanding, would do it. "Do you have a printer?", I informed, because it was also on the website, a printer is no longer involved. Indeed, the company had a printer. Probably it was the same as ours.

It's a ceremony for parents

I've learned a lot these days. "Put me in a trash bag along the road," I sometimes hear in my circle of friends, and these are studied types that say it. Not a sensible comment. A burial or cremation is not for you, you will not notice it anymore as a dead person. In addition to a tribute, it is above all a transition ceremony for those who remain. This does not really have to be done in a completely new way, the familiar rituals offer something to hang on to. But having lost someone, it gives as much satisfaction to the regulation as possible. Those who give in to fear, let the chance of a better treatment run the risk. Keep your head cool and pack your bags, then you can live your life after.

Before my eyes my mother was literally stripped of books

You could, for example, instead of the funeral director, file a statement with the municipality, as I have fact. Before my eyes, my mother was literally stripped of books. Make sure you do not undertake tasks that can become traumatic. You are free to give the final care to the deceased, but my mother's body has been refurbished by professionals. After that, I only watched it fleetingly. I know myself, such images torment me to the infinite. When your senses are in focus, it's better not to force yourself. But the things you can handle, you have to do with some fearlessness.

The stage packer, the hard hug, the black sheep; you have regular guests at each burial

My husband and I drove behind the neutral car that my mother brought home. Her beautiful basket did not go through the front door, she had to cross the back yard. My dad helped me to wear, I always see this picture and it was beautiful. It was also wonderful how he then started crying and singing beside her. Wonderful was how my husband a few days later led the carriers, grandchildren and granddaughter's friends. After the service of farewell, and perhaps the most pompous, they put their grandmother in the red van, above the open cupboards where my father had left something on purpose. He climbed into the passenger seat and his son, my brother remaining, climbed beside his mother to go to the cemetery. There, in all its vulnerability, my father opened the back doors. While the afternoon light was hanging over the cemetery, one spring afternoon, her grandchildren drop my mother with ropes in her career. The birds have flown like crazy, I am told after. Everything was terrible and good, everything was cruel and beneficial.

And my father? He was shocked by the account of the funeral director: so cheap? The tombstone cost almost nothing, a block of rock was raised during the construction of my brother's gardening center. According to Uitvaartberekenaar of Nibud, we would have to end up with over eight thousand euros in our case, we were three thousand lower.

My father, at the age of 89 still vital, went on a trip again. In the red motorhome.