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Welcome, compatriots, to the first knockout episode of the season. Finally! The first three weeks of season 13 have been a great series of RuPaul’s Best Friend Race, but I’m very happy to report that this week we finally see a candidate cry. Don’t get me wrong: first and foremost I watch Drag race for the immense and diverse talents of all applicants, of course. In fact, that’s exactly why I was excited for this episode, which celebrates the two most ubiquitous drag queen talents of all: conflict and emotional manipulation!
And queens really do. Group One (the self-ordered “Winner’s Circle”) decides to stage a prick operation to embarrass Group Two (“Team B”) by hiding Elliott behind a curtain at the back of the werkroom. The idea here is that they can trick the queens into Elliott talking shit while she’s in the room. This plan doesn’t make sense to me for two reasons: The first is that you usually don’t have to “trick” drag queens into being mean to you. And the second is that I don’t understand what Elliott gets out of it. She already has confirmation that the other queens don’t like her, because, well, they sent her home unanimously. So now, hiding behind the curtain, she has the privilege of… hearing them repeat? A half-baked plan, sure, but Elliott seems to find a perverse joy in revealing to a host of despondent performers that, yes, she’s still here.
Once the queens have measured themselves, RuPaul walks in and goes straight to business. For this week’s main challenge, the queens are split into teams and tasked with staring in the RuPaulmark Channel holiday films, films with nearly identical scripts, and satirical characters from the formulaic nature of the Hallmark Christmas movie. It’s a smart setup that really level the playing field. Denali can’t claim she had the short end of the stick, for example, because Tina and Symone had the exact same lines and performed really well. It also benefits the audience, as we can directly compare the comedic skills of the actors assembled for the first time.
Now as with everything Drag race acting challenge, we have the good (Symone, Rosé), the bad (Denali, LaLa) and the transcendent (Kahmora). Let’s discuss:
“God loves flags”
Let’s save the best for the first. Symone and Rosé take their team to a definitive victory with their Flag Day parody “God Loves Flags”. Symone plays the role of the evil CEO, Red Flag; she makes the judges laugh from start to finish with her now iconic facial expressions and her impenetrable pronunciation of the work “factory”. Rosé cheek… Best friend? Do you like interest? We do not care. The only thing that matters is that she has shoes stuck to her knees, a truly inspired choice. Their presences support the much weaker LaLa Ri and Utica, both of whom are more than a little unstable and can’t seem to translate their winning personalities into this scripted challenge. Or memorize their lines elsewhere! The judges praise Rosé and Symone, but Symone’s stellar du-rag-train track steals the show. The judges are gagged, as are all of us, and RuPaul tells Symone “You’re a winner, babe” for the third time in four episodes. Symone’s momentum is undeniable at this point. She kind of lapped up the other girls before the ref even had a chance to start her stopwatch. Of course, it’s still early days, and you might remember another young and gorgeous LA queen with a flawless start-of-season run that was prematurely declared the season winner (by me … shut up) . But, in my opinion, the comparisons end there. There was an arrogance in Gigi Goode that I don’t feel at all in Symone. Maybe it’s his firmly rooted sense of purpose and maturity, or maybe just old-fashioned Midwestern manners, but Symone feels grounded in me. And I think that will serve him well as we enter the marathon phase of this competition.
“April Fool’s Rush”
Then, in a solid second place, it’s the “April Fool’s Rush In” team with Gottmik, Joey Jay, Kandy Muse and Tamisha Iman. Gottmik and Tina are the stars, in theory, but Kandy steals the show as Whoopi Cushion, a clown employed at the small town fancy gift shop. Kandy wants this part so badly that she claims her claim before the other girls even have a chance to open their scripts. It’s certainly obnoxious, but it’s hard to stay mad at someone as entertaining as Kandy. As Gottmik artfully sums it up: “Well… accessories for you. That was kind of it, but I’m not sure that’s how it works. Yes, Kandy can be a tough pill to swallow, but the high you get is worth it. Tamisha also has some notable moments as the Cher fortune teller / impersonator. She responds well to Ross’ direction (unlike Joey Jay), and the end product results speak for themselves. Tamisha is safe, and Kandy could have been one of the top contenders without her lead. Don’t get me wrong, the clothing is beautiful, but Michelle is right that it is not enough category and there’s really no story to tell compared to some of the other girls. But the judges like them a bit Kandy, and it’s a solid rebound from his latest low-placement challenge.
“Misery Loves Company”
Finally, let’s talk about the team with the most to lose, “Misery Loves Company”. Denali wants to show that she can stand out among titans like Symone, Elliott wants to prove that she’s not the worst here, Kahmora has to make up for the disaster of the last episode, and Olivia… is just scary! Denali has talked about a big game this week. And last week. And the week before. She repeatedly tells us that she’s the fiercest competitor, the one to beat, and (the most relevant) more than a fierce lip synchro. Sadly, Denali is collapsing under the burden of her own expectations. Before the other girls can enter a word, she insists on biting the bigger part, which she later realizes is little more than she can chew. This leaves Elliott playing the ditzy Cupid (“actually I’m stupid,” she explains), Kahmora as a tree (more on that in a moment), and Olivia graciously accepts the grandmother (she’s just right. happy to be there). In rehearsal, we watch Denali strike. The lines don’t come, and there’s no characterization to speak of. On the track, she’s a knockout, but that’s apparently not enough to make up for her serious miscalculation. But Denali’s struggles are really nothing compared to those of her sister Kahmora. For context, Kahmora plays a completely green tree. Why then, a keen observer might ask, does Kahmora show up with full hip / ass pads and a breastplate with erect nipples? I cannot answer this because my mind does not operate on the same plane of consciousness as his. Kahmora apparently has a total of two lines, takes 80% of everyone’s time and attention on set (VERY me), and ultimately fails to deliver either of those two lines correctly. Needless to say, I’m obsessed. Much like Denali, her flawless track doesn’t save her, and it’s Chicago versus Chicago in the final two.
Lip sync is a bloodbath. Denali has proven one thing for sure: she is indeed the lip-sync assassin of the season. She brings Olympic-level athleticism and precision to her incredible “100% Pure Love” performance, and it’s over in seconds. “Stop!” I wanted to scream. “She’s already dead!” But Denali is ruthless. She shows so little pity for her sister in Chicago, I’m pretty sure it’s a violation of at least two Geneva Conventions. Denali is declared the winner, and the beautiful Kahmora is the first official victim of the pork chop loading dock. Elliott rejoices.
Despite B-squad’s best efforts, the hierarchy set up in the lip-syncing extravaganza of Episode 1 was reinforced this week. Symone reigned supreme once again, and the last two came from the team losing lip sync. But Drag race is known for its midseason upsets, and I wouldn’t pass up these queens to steal the show next week. We find out, okay? Until there!
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