Sailors and Cubs Tie 8-8 in Perfect Spring Training Distillation

Spring Training is next to nothing, except when it isn’t. These games have the energy of the Beer League televised softball contests, with unmoored players pulling shit out of the dugout, guys believing themselves they can stretch every single into a double, innings s’ stop a bit every time they get boring and games ending in a tie because time is running out. It’s really wonderful and I hope nothing will ever change that.

That said, teams like the Mariners often find themselves in the unfortunate position of having to take spring training seriously. While their opponent – the Cubs, defending champions NL Central – is squarely in immediate win mode, Seattle must use the month of March to find out what they have. Sometimes that means Ljay Newsome and his 15.2 MLB innings face off against Rizzo, Bryant, Báez and several other World Series winners. Sometimes that means young players the Mariners will rely on for years to come to be completely bewildered by the two-sided 86 MPH. Today we have all of these things in the first hour! Spring Training is better than most feature films.

In the first inning, Kyle Lewis set up the type of stick his advanced approach showed. Coming out of a deep hole, Lewis worked a march against Zach Davies avoiding the temptation of his fast lollipop balls that cut and dive around the strike zone. The other drivers of the hype train of the Mariners did not have the same luck during their first appearances on the set. In the second inning, Jarred Kelenic rolled over a curved ball from the first pitch for harmless ground. Cal Raleigh and Taylor Trammell also struggled with Davies’ low speed offerings. Raleigh struck on his first trip to plate while Trammell showed similar aggressiveness to Kelenic while achieving the same result.

Defensively, Newsome missed a lot of change for Joc Pederson, giving a young fan on the berm his first memory of spring.

Later on the show, poor Ljay, who had few words, was forced not only to speak on camera for a domestic audience, but also to relive the home run he had authorized. Newsome provided some interesting information on the throw, mentioning that he was trying to throw the change “strike ball” and instead he threw it… strike towards a more central strike. Other than that, Ljay said so much while saying so little. We have learned that her mother’s name is Linda. Bless him.

Things picked up afterwards, both in terms of the hilarity of the spring training and the captivating and eye-catching games. First of all, feast your eyes on Jake Fraley. To his credit, Fraley pulled away far enough to his left to make an athletic take on a Rizzo line workout earlier in the game. He also showed a very strong throwing arm to catch Báez while trying from second base like an overzealous high school student. Then he did that.

The competition for off-screen spots on the opening day list is pretty crowded. While Fraley still appears to be the most likely left fielder on April 1, there’s no doubt Braden Bishop is a better defenseman and Jarred Kelenic is a better hitter. You do not believe me? Watch Jarred and his quadruple ceps muscle this ball through the wind and over the fence.

I’m going to go on the record and say Jarred Kelenic is good at baseball. He’s almost certainly better than Jake Fraley and could, at the very least, spark a spark for this list. Of course, that means he’ll likely start the season at Everett working on his first base defense. As the Mariners continue to hold this odd auction for playing time between older outfielders and minor leaguers, Taylor Trammell has raised her own card and has been a big part of the auction.

Once the headliners left the game, giving way to types Jordan Cowan, Eric Filia and Aaron Fletcher, spring training really took hold. Pitcher Mariner Vinny Nittoli – a 25^e– round pick in 2014 that was bought out from Toronto – couldn’t finish his round until both teams decided to just fuhgettaboutit and move on.

In case you were wondering, yes he is Italian. I could tell by the Vinny Nittoli part, as well as the social media part, which includes the retweet of DJ Pauly D. Nittoli showed some really good things, the problem was that it always ended up on top of the meaty part of the plate. Here we see an example, as Nittoli stared at his compatriot Anthony Rizzo and allowed a tasty two-dot tater (sorry, gnocchi). Just like a’mama used to do.

As talent on the pitch grew less ready for the Big League, ESPN tried to remind its viewers that MLB players were actually there, or at least somehow. Jason Heyward was kind enough to do an interview from a golf cart, where he was hiding from the terrifying idea that it might rain at some point in the future. I thought it went very well. No notes.

People continued to be hit by land as the afternoon progressed. Minor league pitchers, while good at wearing hockey numbers, are really bad at throwing strikes. Dylan Moore, himself hit in the head by a pitch, was briefly shaken up during his interview as he watched teammate Sam Travis take one to the dome. After Travis stood up the entire time, rocked him, and stayed in the game, ESPN was able to return to their regular lineup.

It’s more like that.

Other than a well-played double from Cal Raleigh in the gap and Jack Reinheimer’s ninth inning blast that tied things up, I couldn’t tell you much about what happened at the end. Match. I mostly focused on a bag of pita chips and bitchin ‘sauce.

Bitchin ‘Sauce, if you’re reading this, let me promote your product for money. I think it’s great and I would do a great job.