Love: Why do some people feel a strong desire to return to an ex-lover?

In fact, recalling memories with an ex-lover evokes different feelings in people’s hearts; Some warn against flipping their book of memories, while others see it as an adventure worth living, and even a goal worth achieving.

The threads of returning to an old lover are woven into the dress of a beautiful story in most cases. Scientific research data shows that about 50 percent of separated loved ones have returned to each other.

It is surprising that the epidemic is helping to hasten the return of some, faced with a global health crisis, suffering from loneliness, and closures without intimate relationships, until many find themselves in this light, pushed to think about it. former lover in the hope of meeting him and living happily by his side.

Experts say reuniting the two ex-boyfriends could pay off – but that depends on how willing both parties are to do more and keep an open mind.

A lot of things can attract a person to an ex, but the most powerful of all is knowing what to expect.

However, there are “changes that can occur in character that the person wishing to return has to put up with, especially if they want that return to last,” according to Michael McNally, a dating consultant in Chicago.

McNulty says that every romantic relationship has “permanent points of difference” that are themselves sparks of confrontation.

Even happy couples have these differences; Because any relationship is, in essence, a link between two different personalities and visions.

Using research statistics, McNally says that these differences in each relationship cause about 69 issues between the two sides of the relationship.

Unresolved issues, those whose threads burn slowly, are a poison that kills the soul of the relationship between two lovers. This is not the case in an instantaneous collision or in a sudden accident, regardless of its size.

“In the snow, not in the fire, relationships between spouses or companions are extinguished,” says McNally.

The consultant adds: “Some people avoid talking about differences and then strive to resolve them until the distances between him and his partner widen, so that the two of them become like they are strange partners. in the same room and not a couple or lovers. “

And when you embark on a new relationship with the hope that it will be better than the previous one, McNalty warns: “If you are in a relationship and you plan to break up, be careful, because you are about to replace. 69% of existing differences with 69% more with someone new. ”

But when you go back to a former partner, you at least know what those differences are rather than starting from scratch. Hence the desire of some to return to a former partner, or at least to cling to the current partner.

“You come back to where you left off,” says Judy Kuriansky, relationship expert and researcher at Columbia University.

Curiosity is one of the things that makes a person seek out their ex-lover or ex-partner; And discover the novelties of his personality during the period of separation.

A person may not find this curiosity in themselves when meeting a new person whom they did not know before, because they do not know anything about the origin of this person or how it has evolved over the days, unlike the previous partner who knows a lot about his past.

One of the main reasons for the return of an old lover, says Kuriansky, is this “sense of maturity”; Experiencing the stages in which issues develop with a particular person living with them for a period of time provides insight through which he can extrapolate what is going to happen, thus being more in control of the course of things.

“You have to face the issues that were intractable before the split and seriously and honestly ask yourself if things are different now or if they are still the same,” said McCanalty.

Before returning to the old lover’s path, we must first ask ourselves why he is going to do this, because many are wrong.

Koriansky warns that the desire for comfort on the side of the ex-partner can mislead the desire, especially in times of war and plague.

Research data indicates that during the shutdown due to the spread of the Corona outbreak, one in five people attempted to write to their ex-lover or partner.

Koriansky says the motivation in these cases is the feeling that there is no tomorrow waiting for him, and then he searches the past for an old love, or rather a sense of security that he once lost. marked by turmoil and fear. .

Here, Koriansky cautions, stressing the need to analyze the old relationship and how it ended before knocking on the return door, which may provide a negative response, especially if the relationship ended badly. .

Many of us can find ourselves in a state of longing for a lost love, and if they try to search for it in a realistic and healthy way, they can find what has been lost of them, provided that research is common.