How do you win a discussion with someone from different according to you?

Differences of perspective and interests are not necessarily negative, but differences in health can explain our success in an unexpected way.

Thus, it is useless to avoid debate and debate, says the author Timandra Harkness in his book "How to contradict: The beginner's guide to a better debate". It is important to ask yourself whether you can discuss constructively or not.

Harkness's book explores ways to manage conflicts of interest, moral views, controversy over facts, and even the usual difference of opinion about a film or similar film.

Here are some expert tips to get the best results in the debate:

1 – Listening to the other:

We often have the enthusiasm to defend our points of view and refuse to listen to differing opinions, but we must not ignore the words of the person you are fighting. "There is a preconceived hypothesis that the other part of the debate is wrong and needs to be eliminated," said Claire Fox, director of the Academy of Ideas in London. "We should not talk to him."

But in each argument, there are at least two parts, and listening to each other, you acquire knowledge, know-how and improve your opinion. Fox firmly believes in the power of the controversy that she has become one of the leaders of Debating Matters and has invited schools in Britain to participate. After the success of the competition, a competition of the same name was held in India.

2. Attempt of sympathy:

It is not important to listen to each other, you really listen to what he says. Chris de Meyer, a neuroscientist at King's College in London, said: "People usually take a stand and dive into it," he says. The debate ends with a "challenge and a fight".

While this position can easily be avoided with empathy, Claire Fox said, "We need to start from the point of similarity between us and those who disagree with us.

3 – repeat what the other said:

"There is often an escalation of arguments," explains Chris de Meyer. "But there is a smart way to avoid it." This will help you repeat what the other person has said to make sure that he says, "Yes, that's exactly what I meant." The idea between the parties avoids any misunderstanding to the parties to the discussion. "

4 – Identify points of disagreement from the beginning:

The dispute between neighbors on the border, whether an extension of the building or the existence of a tree between the two houses, can be long and painful.

"Define the point of contention early," says Liz Stoko, professor of social interaction at Laubourg University in the UK. Stoko adds that the best way is to act from the beginning before drowning the points of view and facilitating the reaction in a shameful way and always against the next "because it relieves congestion and opens the way to a possible controversy".

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5 – think carefully about what you agree:

This idea may be surprising, but to succeed an argument, we must find common ground. "If we do not agree on core values, we can not engage in debate," said Clare Chambers, a lecturer in political philosophy at the University of Cambridge.

The time spent working on the principles you share with the other party will benefit: "The more you identify your points of disagreement and the similarity with each other, the more fruitful the discussion will be."

May vary depending on the type of cheese you want to buy, but if the parties are not willing to cheat, the result will not be achieved.

6. Avoid counting on what's the easiest for you:

Amy Gallo is an expert in workplace dynamics. She helps colleagues engage in constructive discussions and encourages them to "go into areas that make them feel uncomfortable" because "these spaces can help you change your perspective and make people more receptive to learning. new ideas ". It helps to stimulate creativity by seeing things differently.

7. Discussion without personality:

Controversy does not mean being rude, but personal insults should be avoided for constructive discussion. Social media has provided all kinds of discrimination, mistreatment and anonymous attacks, but this is not a place for discussion.

Jonathan Roach, a member of the Brookings Institution in Washington, says we can learn a number of things from a liberal scientific debate. Quite simply: "Your goal is the discussion and not the person."

8. Logic rather than emotional:

Try not to rush to talk, take a deep breath to discuss logically. Deborah Fisher, a professor of astronomy at Yale University, says we can learn more than scientists: "They do not insist on emotionally and emotionally retaining their image and reality, and they change their minds." they face logical criticism. "

9 – always questioning your opinion:

"You know how to challenge yourself," says Jonathan Roach. "If you're feeling good, that does not necessarily mean it's true, but it often means you're wrong."

"You have to question your assumptions and understand the limitations of your site," says Clair Chambers.

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10. Acceptance If you are wrong:

Much of the controversy is about accepting the possibility of being wrong.

"People should be ready to surrender if they lose the argument," said Geoff Mulgan, executive director of the Nesta Global Innovation Marketing Foundation, "that would show maturity and courage , and no one should be angry if he was wrong. " "We must be enthusiastic because we had the opportunity to develop and learn something new," she said.

11 – Fitness during the victory:

Last but not least, we must be in good health when we win the debate: it is not only necessary to enjoy the spirit of sport when you lose, but also to make equally important profits. "The way we treat others when we win them is a very important issue," said John O. Brien, president of the Catholic Opposition for Catholicism in Washington, DC. "To be able to absorb does not mean to contain those who are like us, but to understand those who disagree with us." "It means knowing that we live in the same street and that there is a place for all people and all ideas," said O & Brien.