Meet the community of people who "do not feel sexual desire"

"I can coexist as if I were a physical person with a sexual orientation."

Dian Xi is not afraid of not feeling sexual orientation and she can not imagine having sex with anyone.

"I feel that I never knew what sexual orientation was and I did not feel it," said Dayan, who grew up and lives in China. "But I do not consider sexual desire a good thing for me.

There were no specific statistics on the number of people described as "stateless" in China, but in the United Kingdom, the Canadian psychologist Anthony Bogart estimates their number at about 1% of the British adult population.

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Chinese researchers believe that there are 10.8 million stateless people in China, or 1.08 billion people over the age of 20, according to the latest statistics.

Stateless people in China are now active on a number of online platforms, using some of the country's most popular social networking applications.

Many of them regularly share their experiences and write their own vocabulary.

Identity Mostly

For Dian in Shanghai and other women in China who identify as "sexually unwanted" girls, this definition represents their sexual identity.

It differs from Tibet, which is a choice or a result of helplessness that results in a loss of attractiveness for sex and leaves its owner in distress.

She is still in her twenties and studies in Hong Kong, the United Kingdom and the Netherlands.

Dayan began to know that she was "stateless" after attending a Dutch girl she had met at the university.

Diane left the meeting wondering what would be the secret of not feeling sexual attraction towards this person, even if she appreciated the atmosphere of the meeting in general.

This feeling led him to seek a diagnosis by studying the symptoms online.

On the path to research, Diane has found an online community that is the largest in the world for stateless people.

"Every girl around me was passionate about romance, celebrities, and kids, but I've never felt that way," says Dayan.

As a Chinese woman, says Dayan, it is very difficult to tell her parents that she is stateless.

The family has great value in Chinese culture and parents fear that their children will stay single and childless, Dayan said.

Pressure from the top of the social pyramid

The pressure to get married and have children comes from, among others, the government. The state is worried more and more of a crisis related to Chinese demographics.

The low number of women compared to men born after the 1970s as a result of selective abortion based on sex is of particular concern.

"I have tried several times to tell my parents," says Dayan.

Stateless people are often involved in certain situations where they have been subjected to embarrassing questions and where their fate has been rejected.

Despite research on the nature of these people in China, uncertainty and lack of information remain.

Great trap

Dayan is one of many Chinese women who not only consider sex and relationships, but also evaluate the idea of ​​marriage and having children.

"I think marriage is not in the best interests of women," said Dayan, "It's a big trap." If we could have children without sex or marriage, people would have benefited from it. 39, a greater share of individual freedoms. "

She says that she has close friends but thinks that she will spend the rest of her life alone; it is difficult to find another partner like her who is compatible only in a romantic way.

Source of the image
Day Wong

Laromanic or Romantic?

The spread of stateless communities in social media has led to wider publicity of this situation of sexual orientation in China.

On one of the group's web pages, there are more than 10,000 subscribers. This page includes popular social networking applications in China and other electronic groups with tens of thousands of members.

Institutions organizing meetings and websites to reconcile men and women to get married are also gaining ground in China.

Researcher Dai Wong has been studying China's sexual minorities for five years.

In her study, the researcher explains how diverse groups of people with different sexual orientations, including those who have no sexual desire.

For example, "romantics" do not tend to have sex, but rather to feel romantic feelings in themselves.

Some use the expression "Platonic love" to talk about the kind of love they desire, which is not mixed with sex.

In this context, one could for example speak of "gay novel", "novel attracted by the sexes" or "novel with natural sexual orientation".

By analogy, there are heterosexuals lured one by the other romantically in this regard, regardless of their gender.

These inexperienced romantics go from a group that prefers romantic friendship to one that says that there is no emotion towards people but who likes to do it and try it.

Jo Xu lives in Beijing and defines herself as "an inexperienced romantic towards the other in general".

"I respect my feelings when I do not want to approach that way," Shaw said. For me, I am happy with this degree of proximity. ".

Xu is optimistic about the future, convinced that her status as a stateless woman will not cause her difficulties.

"I do not think it's an illness, we can live comfortably in happiness and be stateless.It's not necessary to include it in diseases," she says.

However, Shaw has not yet informed her parents of the veracity of her statement and she fears that this case will make me laugh.

stigmatization

Stateless women face challenges in Chinese culture, says Wong.

"After the Chinese reforms, many sexual health clinics have been opened to strengthen the importance of natural marriage.If you lack sexual desire, you will be stigmatized because you threaten family harmony and social stability "said Wong.

New language

The stateless community uses its own language and identity, says Wong.

This community uses the term "green character" to describe a peaceful attitude with those around them far from the emotional attraction to them.

The phenomenon of two-income families who do not want to have children is becoming popular in China.

It is the ideal family life for a stateless couple, in a relationship that takes the positive side of the conjugal bond but without a sexual dimension.

In addition to supporting the phenomenon of sculpting a new vocabulary for stateless people, online forums are open platforms for these people to get to know their peers for the first time.