Why does not my partner let me see her "naked"?

Source of the image
BBC Three

I love my daughter Lian and hope only that she feels so much in love with herself.

She is light and beautiful, has blue eyes and long hair and always wears various colored clothes with a gritty smile.

But Lien does not like his form, describing himself as ugly and "disgusting" many times a day.

We met for the first time in 2015 via the Tinder dating app, which Lian likes because it allows him to control the appearance of his photos.

She seemed confident in herself, the few times we met. I have never felt comfortable with someone as fast as I can. There was something that made me feel very attracted to it.

We had a wonderful relationship and, after a few months, I realized that I had fallen in love with her.

Problems with appearance

After six months of relationship, it became clear that the issues related to Lian's figure were far more important than his low self-confidence.

Once we were together, we were preparing to go out when I discovered that his lacquer was over.

Source of the image
BBC Three

I can say that she was upset and worried about the appearance of her hair, so I went to the store and bought her a new bottle. The parcel was a little different from what it was, and was so surprisingly angry, that breaking objects.

We ended up with a huge fight. When we were calm, she realized that her behavior, from her negative talk about herself to the rituals surrounding her appearance, was totally wrong.

I personally suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which is manageable, but for her it was more serious, and I realized that some of her actions could be attributed to the symptoms of a similar disorder.

She suggested she go see her local doctor and, although she was not satisfied at first, I think she was relieved because we spoke frankly.

"Body distortion disorder"

He was diagnosed with a "body deformity disorder", or BDD.

It is estimated that this affects about 2% of people, suggests that a person looks ugly, compares his appearance to other people and worries about an area. particular body, usually the face.

Lian has recently started treatment for the disorder of the body deformity, but it is difficult to live with this disease. Although I do not suffer from this disease, being with Link also makes this problem a part of my daily life.

Day after day, this can lead to unexpected problems, for example once when we were going to a juice bar, but Lian suddenly decided that she could not enter because Lian thought that there was a much prettier girl inside.

This can be really scary because Lien often talks about his desire to scratch his face and burn his hair because of his negative feelings about his appearance.

I was once present when I've already tried to burn her hair. I had to catch a lighter and banish his hair.

It happened just two months after our relationship and I was panicked. There was nothing I could say or do to prevent it.

The most difficult part of the problem is that we rarely have sex. It is very difficult for Lien to undress in front of me.

Source of the image
BBC Three

The last time we were intimate a few months ago, it was only preliminary. I usually expect the initiative to be reassured that it is comfortable, but what is boring is that it usually wants me to take the first step.

It means that we have a very long sexual relationship.

L & # 39; privacy

It depends on what Lian feels at the time. We can start a relationship, but maybe in his mind, you do not feel confident then, then we'll stop.

I sometimes feel very difficult and, although sex is not the most important thing, it is obvious that it is always an integral part of any relationship.

I used porn movies as a method of self-treatment. Lian was angry when I found porn videos on my phone once. She does not want me to look at this, because she thinks I prefer sex with her.

We have tried several ways to be more intimate: plan romantic parties, flirt with them and tell them how attractive they are, or give them plenty of time to prepare for a relationship.

But if she is not comfortable and confident in herself, it is very difficult. It means we can not really plan our future.

We are both 29 and all our friends are getting married. We are invited to weddings this summer. We discussed marriage and children, which I like very much.

Lian will say that she wants to get married, but eventually, Lyme disease says "no" because of what Lian is considering about what pregnancy might have and having a baby in her body.

She is currently in the treatment phase and trying to help herself, but it sometimes seems to me that we have to separate from each other.

Once, we were in a bar with friends after a party and two young men came with two women they knew. Lian became very angry, I think she felt ugly compared to them.

I think anger is his own defense mechanism, but we've been dating for about 18 months and these little things are growing.

Get help

At the end of the evening, I told her that the situation was getting worse and that she needed help because I could not live with it anymore.

Source of the image
BBC Three

It often seems that there are two people and the disorder of disfigurement is a monster inside Lien.

I've learned not to respond directly when you say things like "I look tough". Instead, I try to reassure her by touching her arm, hand or hug.

For a long time, I did not tell my family and friends, because I thought "it's a personal affair of my girlfriend Lian".

But last year, I had to vent my frustration, so I told my parents, who both showed their support.

My mother works in the field of mental health and understands Lian's problem, but I think her main concern is to be happy. I always assure him that I am.

For friends, the situation is different: they only learned the BDD recently. The most difficult thing they can understand is the lack of intimacy that exists between Link and Link, and I hear a lot of comments about the quality "I can not live with".

But I have full confidence in the love we have for each other.

I live the moment and celebrate the happy moments we spend together. We laugh again every day, we always share everything and always my best friend.

I know that Link's BDD disorder will never go away, but I'd like to get to a point where I do not always have the impression of walking on eggs and where Link has confidence.