World AIDS Day: “I felt my blood and semen were toxic and I was a danger to others.”

As a condition of entry, he had to undergo an HIV test.

Christopher told the BBC. “I definitely agreed. Because I’m white and not gay, I expected the result to be negative.”

“But it wasn’t.”

HIV infection was something he had in mind for gay men or intravenous drug use or in African countries.

Christopher had felt very ill a few months earlier in Austria, but no one had ever thought he was caused by HIV.

“No doctor examined me because I was not in the highest risk groups,” says Christopher. “I was diagnosed in India by accident, and it was shocking.”

“I was lucky because I could have gone years without passing a test,” he says.

Christopher tells his story on World AIDS Day, in a year when the world’s attention is focused on another epidemic.

The United Nations has warned that Covid 19 threatens progress in the fight against HIV, increasing the existing disparity in access to treatment.

As there were 690 thousand deaths due to AIDS-related diseases during the year 2019. The United Nations Program for the fight against AIDS says that this toll could increase from 120 thousand to 300 thousand people because Covid 19 affected the delivery of treatment.

Of the nearly 38 million people living with HIV, 12 million people were still not receiving antiretroviral therapy as of June 2020.

“Although we have made extraordinary progress over the past 40 years, we must continue to work, because if we do not do this the gains we have made will be lost,” said Birgit Poniatowski, Executive Director of the International AIDS Society, at the BBC.

She says HIV severely affects developing countries, but the idea that certain groups are more vulnerable to infection is “a misconception.”

She adds: “One thing that has become clear after forty years of the HIV epidemic is that the disease does not discriminate. There are people living with the virus in every country and in every age group, and of all ethnicities, types, professions, religions and sexual orientations. “

And unprotected sex remains an important form of transmission, and the main form of the disease is spreading in South Africa, for example, which is a country severely affected by HIV.

“Unprotected sex is not the only way to get HIV,” says Dr Poniatowski. “Sharing or reuse of syringes is the reason for 10% of cases worldwide.”

“At first I was terrified and overwhelmed with many questions about what HIV means,” says Christopher.

“And I asked myself, why am I? Then I realized that I had to let go of all the impressions I had in my mind from the 1980s and 1990s into the 21st century.”

And Christopher believes that acknowledging HIV infection may be a problem for non-gay men in particular, because of ideas about masculinity.

He says, “Many non-gay men do not disclose their infection because they are afraid of being seen as gay or drug addicts.”

Christopher was very afraid of being seen or treated differently, so he chose a pseudonym, Philip Spiegel, to be able to talk about HIV and participate in press interviews.

But over time, when he felt more comfortable with his reality, he let go of the “ghost”.

“The more I confront and challenge my perceptions of sexuality and masculinity, the less importance I attach to the issue,” says Christopher.

“I got to the point where I said to myself: it’s good, it’s not the end of the world,” he adds.

Although there is no cure for HIV yet, current treatments that suppress the virus allow the majority of those infected to live long and healthy lives.

Dr Poniatowski says that people who have attenuated the virus to the point that it becomes undetectable cannot pass it on to another person, even through sex.

She adds: “If you are treated with antiretroviral drugs, and it works well, you will not be transmitting the infection to anyone else.”

As soon as he started receiving treatment, Christopher noticed the positive effects on his body. However, it took years for her to change her feelings psychologically.

Things like dating have become “almost impossible because HIV destroys your confidence”.

He said, “I felt something strange in me for a while. I felt toxic, that my blood and semen were toxic. I felt that I was a danger to others, especially those whose I wanted to get closer, like my relatives. “

Eventually, Christopher decided to use “the advantage of living in a country where HIV is not a problem” to inform and inspire others.

“I realized if I couldn’t say I had HIV, who could?” He said.

The most terrifying thing about living with HIV, says Christopher, is that you never expect people to react when you tell them you are infected.

“It’s like a lottery,” he says, adding that he’s seen all kinds of reactions.

He added: “One of the positive experiences was when I asked a girl: what would you do if I told you I have HIV? Then she smiled and said that would make things better. interesting. “

He added: “But others also immediately asked: can I surprise him kissing?”

HIV is transmitted by blood and cannot be passed from person to person through spitting up, sneezing, coughing, kissing, or through normal social contact.

For Christopher, falling in love was an important part of overcoming his fears of stigma.

He explained, “I saw how (his darling) was dealing with me and how the virus problem was not there. He limited himself to taking one pill a day.

One of the “misconceptions” according to Christopher is that HIV “dominates” the lives of people living with HIV.

“There were times when my family and friends completely forgot that I had the virus because it wasn’t a problem.

“I am more than that. HIV is only one side of me.”

“I am happier now than before I was infected with the virus.”

Christopher says his experience gave him the opportunity to reflect on his life and see things from a larger perspective.

“I don’t live anymore. I live happier than before I got HIV, ”he says.

The experience also earned him artistic talent and gave him the goal of writing a book about living with HIV.

Christopher avoids advising people whether or not to report their infection.

“The advice varies depending on the country, region or even the family I grew up in,” he says. “I know people whose families have disowned them after they tested positive for the virus.”

He adds that, however, “there is no point in feeling guilty or ashamed about the contraction of the virus.”

“Take your time. Be patient, accept the infection, but don’t leave more room for HIV in your life than it should and don’t let it decide. The choice is yours.

And Christopher has one final piece of advice: “You have to know everything about the disease. Knowledge dispels fear.”