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Seth Meyer
Late that night, Seth Meyers discussed the “overwhelming new details” that emerged from the Jan.6 attack on Capitol Hill and Trump’s involvement.
The president was reportedly urged by his advisers not to announce his candidacy for re-election in 2024 after the Taliban took control of Afghanistan. He was told to be patient, but as Meyers said, it’s a foregone conclusion. “Assuming he won’t run anymore, it’s like hitting Michael Myers with a car and thinking the movie is over,” he said.
For Trump, being president again would help him hide from the many legal issues he faces. “He treats the job less like a huge responsibility and more like a secure base in a college tag game,” he said.
Nikki Haley, the former US ambassador to the UN, recently declared her respect for “friend” Trump and how she doesn’t want to go back to the days before him. “What was wrong with the days before Trump? Too many people alive? Not enough last minute alerts? Meyers asked.
He called him the “amoral reality psychopath” his pals still adore because they want to be attached to his form of show business even though they know his true nature.
“Republicans are like the wealthy housewife who finds lipstick on her husband’s collar and says to her friend: ‘He said he got it because he slipped and fell into a counter. makeup, ‘”he joked.
Trump is said to have pressured Mike Pence to help reverse the outcome by calling him a wimp and a bad friend. Meyers said he “used the same tactics as a 14-year-old trying to convince his friend to steal a KitKat from a convenience store.”
Pence also gave in to his previous unease with what happened and called the insurgency “a January day”.
“One Day in January feels like a sports movie starring Al Pacino as a former football coach,” Meyers joked.
Stephane Colbert
In The Late Show, Stephen Colbert called Trump “The Big Lie-bowski” and referred to the Senate report on his attempt to overturn the election.
He alleges he wanted Acting Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen to meet with Rudi Giuliani to consider options. “It’s a tough sell,” Colbert commented before joking that they should meet “next to the dumpster behind the discount dildo store.”
Rosen was not open to the idea of overthrowing so Trump then tried to replace him with loyalist Jeffrey Clark who saw a way to do it because he had “spent a lot of time reading the internet.” Colbert joked that it “turns out that missing ballots are the only clear trick to curing belly fat.”
Colbert also found time to comment on Diane Keaton’s bizarre cameo in Justin Bieber’s new video. He said: “She’s playing either her sweetheart, her mom or Diane Keaton who just went on the set of a Justin Bieber video.”
Trevor Noah
On another note, Trevor Noah of The Daily Show spoke of the 18 former NBA players charged with conspiracy to commit health fraud.
“Why are we surprised? ” he said. “Pretending to be injured is an important part of the game in the NBA.”
He added, “Once you retire you have to make money somehow. I mean what’s more dishonest: stealing money from the health fund or Shaq pretending Papa John’s is good pizza. “
Noah also said there could be an unexpected benefit. “This will be great news for the prison which is on the verge of having the best basketball team ever,” he said.
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