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DEAR ABBY: I think my parents allow my sister to take advantage of them.
She has suffered from depression most of her life. She has two children, aged 8 and 5. Before COVID, she treated her depression and was a stay-at-home mom for six years.
In March, she asked my parents to host her 8 year old daughter for school the rest of the year. For several months, one or both of his children have been here with us. Be careful, she and her husband live a five hour drive away, so it’s not like they’re nearby. Now, there is a discussion about my parents keeping them next year.
Mom only retired last year and barely got to enjoy her retirement alone with my stepfather. When my brother and I bring up the subject of allowing them to my sister by letting her pledge her children and blame her depression, their response is, “Well, it’s better that she gets deeper.”
I also feel bad that these children are not with their parents in their own home, instead of being dragged around.
Am I wrong to think that she has the right to get away with being a bad parent?
CONCERNED IN COLORADO
DEAR CONCERN: The COVID-19 outbreak and the quarantine that followed triggered anxiety and severe depression in people who were previously emotionally resistant. That this can cause a recurrence in someone with chronic depression is not surprising.
Your mom and stepdad are doing what they think is best for their grandchildren, your sister, and themselves. Accept it and stop guessing them. They have more than enough to deal with without you adding more stress at this point.
DEAR ABBY: I have a lovely, caring and loving man in my life. We knew each other years ago when we were married to other people. Three years ago, after a few years of dating, he asked me to move in.
We are good together. He kissed my two children and especially my two grandchildren because he did not have any from his previous marriage.
Because I bring more to his life than anyone, I proposed to him seven months ago, and he said yes. We had a chat, and he asked for a marriage contract, which is fine with me because his ex took a lot of money.
I’ve asked a few times since the proposal if he had spoken to his cousin, who is a lawyer he trusts, but I don’t think it’s progressing.
Because you can’t make anyone do anything that they’re not inclined to do, I stopped asking. He knows I need financial security.
I’ve always done well with him – that’s who I am. At this point, I’m enjoying my life of privilege with my fellow doctor, who loves me very much but can’t seem to honor our relationship and take the next step. Am I right to let it be?
PENDING, FOR NOW
DEAR PENDING: I recognize that you cannot make anyone do anything that they are not inclined to do. Because the drafting of the prenuptial agreement seems stuck, bring it up again and ask if he regrets accepting your proposal or if he is ready to move on. He can like things as they are, and if you need more than what they are willing to give, you may have to move on. Three years is enough time to decide if he wants to make your romance permanent.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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